Pretty News Sells Pretty Hate
Washington State is just like most of the other 42 states that make up the Homeland, in that education is job 28 or so. Education’s importance is sandwiched somewhere between Boeing’s profit, and what passes for earth shattering news of wasted money.
There’s also a chunk of Rep. Norm Dicks’ pork in our sandwich…but we’re here to discuss what passes for news, not what passes through Norm.
Which brings us to the Mujaheddin the King 5 News Investigators.
On King 5 News in Seattle, you can start watching news-like programming from around 0430 in the morning, to 1300 hours…when you are then given a short break with Days of Our Lives, Anderson, Dr. Phil and the increasingly frightening Ellen.
Why Dr. Phil is allowed to sit in your teevee, dispensing Chuck Norris justice in the form of CIA psychology…is better answered by those who fear Ellen’s marriage preferences, more than Obama’s Bush-like wars on brown-skinned kids.
After Ellen, comes the magic news hour known as 1700. You’ll then have time to both boycott JC Penny, and enjoy yet another hours worth of totally different local news, while waiting for the really important national news at 1800. 
Since Brian Williams only gets about 3 minutes to fill you in on who Northrop Grumann wants us to kill next, you might as well ignore Brian, and just watch the 22 minutes worth of commercials instead. Maybe then Clint Eastwood will tell you where Bill Clinton hid President Obama’s liberal agenda?
Sooo, if you’ve just watched about 10 hours worth of news-like newsyness…somewhere in that vast puddle of wasted time, Susannah Frame and the King 5 Investigators! told you about millions of taxpayer dollars being wasted, by paying state workers to stay home.
If we lived in a fictional place where morality and common sense oozed from our pores like Rick Santorum’s frothy conservatism…oh wait, sorry.
We do.
Okay, lets pretend we live in a Homeland where freedom isn’t free, and natural resources must be stolen by force from other countries, before China or the Ferengi steal them…goddammit. Bad example.
Alright. Lets say that if our federal government were spending trillions, upon trillions, upon kabillions of trillions more of our taxpayer dollars… for things like endless wars against us, Islam, the Spanish Language, the environment, health care, education, bailouts and our pretend freedoms…wouldn’t a fancy exposé about $17 million wasted dollars seem so much easier to digest?
Yes. I thought as much.
$17 million wasted taxpayer dollars. Toss in a couple of thousand billion dollars here – torture and kill a few million humans there – and those wasted $17 million taxpayer dollars, are going to piss us off until something else distracts us. Like breastfeeding on Facebook.
Fucking terrorist lactivists!
Vodpod videos no longer available.Illiterate Rainbows Lead to Pete Hoekstra
Bruce Willis has an office at NASA, the Pentagon and the Dept. of Agriculture. Bruce is like the man we all wished Colin Powell was supposed to have been.
Mr. Willis did once manage to accidentally stop an earth ending asteroid from wiping us out…but in the end, all Bruce really gave us was Ashton Kutcher.
I think Ben Affleck or even Billy Bob Thornton would have done better by us…but very few men have ever been able to say no to Cybill Shepherd.
The only man to have ever said no to Cybill, was LeVar Burton. LeVar has taught We the Patriot Acted, far more than any other entity has ever been able to stomach us.
There was Roots, where we learned that our not so distant past, was 
nothing like Pete Hoekstra thinks it was. With Star Trek, we learned that blind people of color, make far better Starship Engineers than Pete Hoekstra or Axl Rose’s Chinese Democracy theory…combined.
It was LeVar’s Reading Rainbow, that taught generations of us to not listen to genocidal maniacs such as Pete Hoekstra. But…once Reading Rainbow went off the air, all bets were off. Because as if by divine intervention…the shallow end of the gene pool did expand to even shallower depths, than previous shallowness was even known to have existed.
See Pete Hoekstra for more.
There is some good news though. LeVar has seen enough. LeVar is bringing back Reading Rainbow as an App…because today’s kids were so damaged by M.I.A.’s finger salute at the Super Bowl, that many of them forgot all about the beer commercials.
I don’t envy the work that LeVar has cut out for himself. It was one thing to teach us about slavery and handi-capable space travelers…but attempting to teach us that people of all colors can be conservative? Wow. I wish you luck LeVar.
For tonight’s VLens homework, two things. One – remember that President Obama is only as conservative as it takes to keep Guantanamo open, while keeping the Super PAC money coming in…and two – why not consider voting for Gary Busey in November?
Sure that’s more like three things, but like the lobbyists for Lockheed Martin sometimes say: Charge the Army $125 for a roll of toilet paper, and everyone freaks out. Spend a few trillion dollars on ending the planet, and they’ll blame Sean Penn.
I’ll let you figure out – how it all pertains. Happy Birthday!
Vodpod videos no longer available.Vietghanistan a Lie – Patriots Stunned
Not since Gisele Bundchen was forced to eat a Depleted Uranium sandwich…right next to a dead family in Fallujah, have so many of the bourgeoisie class been so put off.
That was until yesterday, when poor, poor-poor Tom Brady lost the world for his men.
No, the CIA was not shooting at the Patriots from a Sasha Obama drone. No, the Taliban were not able to infiltrate the Patriots playbook, by supporting the al Qaeda-Giants. It was just one ruling class family taking on another, and yet somehow, M.I.A. raising a digit on her hand…was the most vulgar moment of yesterday.
I think it was either Madonna or Noam Chomsky who once said: “I want your sex.” Actually I think it was Boy George who warbled: “this will scare the living shit out of the pre-patriot acted Americans…but they’ll buy it anyway.” 
Which brings me to Lt. Col. Daniel L. Davis.
Col. Davis wants you to know that Afghanistan is no Grenada, and Detroit was a piece of cake. In other words, Vietnam was lost because we shouldn’t have been there to begin with. Iraq was lost because destroying Detroit was much easier than Iran will ever be.
See Korea and the Lakotah Reservation for more.
Try peeking at Bank of America, Pakistan, Libya or Mexico for even less.
The truth was never ‘out there‘. The truth, is actually at the Porsche dealer in Liberty Lake, Washington.
When Malia and Sasha Obama are joined by the Bush twins, in calling for the arrest of everyone in the last 10 to 12 Presidential Administrations…then you’ll know that Janet Napolitano will not go down without a fight.
Until then, just pray for Gisele and Tom Brady.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
A Bukowski Derivative and Link Driven Words
The drudgery. The bills. The drudgery of the bills.
Life is like a Bukowski Derivative
At least you know
what you’re going to get.
Shiny nuggets of rock – are worth $1700 dollars an ounce.
Iranians are worthless to us
Iranians are worth billions
to them.
Wenatchee, Washington hates the drudgery of the bills.
Shiny nuggets of rock
$1700 dollars an
ounce.
Canaries in gold mines
are lesser known than those
in the coal.
Initiative 1183
not only is liquor quicker
but now it’ll cost more too.
Protesting forever is like good poetry.
Bad poetry is distracting
Iraq came after Vietghanistan
Pakistan and Libya before Iran.
The bills. The drudgery. The bills of the drudgery.
Life is like a Bukowski Derivative
depending on which type of derivative
you’re expecting to get.
Fracking the Canned Salmon of Wrath
“Down in a hole, Jesus tries to crack a smile…beneath another
shovel load.”
– Soundgarden 1994
Using Soundgarden lyrics for vague political tinged quotes…makes more sense to me, than the Susan G. Komen’s race to defund the cancer screeners. But I suppose that’s why God created hydraulic fracturing – to create flammable drinking water and truck driving jobs in Wyoming.
Defunding cancer screeners and creating good jobs with flammable water, reminds me of Reagan’s cheese.
Many of you didn’t grow up with Reagan’s cheese, but I guess the fact that more than one season of Jersey Shore exists…proves that we won’t die as easily as some had hoped.
Having recently enjoyed some stale crackers and canned food-bank salmon with an acquaintance, it struck me that change had in
fact occurred! 
Reagan’s cheese, I can assure you, sucked almost as bad as his powdered milk. But Obama’s canned salmon…is like a one night stand with either of the Duggar parents. That my friends, is one of THE definition of change.
In my mind, (and my mind does work in mysterious ways) change can be reflected in the faces of the troops, being greeted by their glorious leader.
For example, here we can see the happy shiny faces of North Korea’s finest…as the well fed Kim Jong-un inspects them for free thought.
In this photo, we can see the happy shiny faces of our finest…as President Bush entertains them with magic-like hand gestures, of nonsensical fuckwadery.
In yet another photo, we can see the happy shiny faces of more of our finest…as President Obama inspects them for free thought.
As you can see, Obama’s canned salmon is far better than Reagan’s cheese. Which of course means that – Obama’s change, is at least as good as Bush’s change. However, all that change pales in comparison to Clinton’s change. Clinton’s change ended war, poverty and cleaned up the environment everywhere, except for Hanford. Hanford is like North Korea with a touch of Fukushima – that will never go away.
Remember folks, the air and fresh clean water that flows and blows by Hanford, may not have affected Washington State’s agriculture, drinking water, wine or wildlife…but the food banks-canned salmon ain’t half bad.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Simon Cowell and Liz Cheney are Right
Progressive wars are fought by the children of the Teabanging élite. Conservative chickenhawk wars are fought by the children of the Liberal élite. The wars against common sense are waged against us, because sugar is as good for you, as torture gets to the truth.
We can’t blame the corn for its syrup, any more than we blame Michael Hayden for Bank of America’s ponzi scheme.
If keeping with a meme is the strong suit of We the Patriot Acted…I’d hate to read the book.
Sherman Alexie has written a few books about us. Some of his books were too much about us, so some of them have been banned. Some might argue that book banning can be directly traced to sugar…while I’ll argue that sugar profit can be directly traced to a Creationist Education, passed off as math.
Sure books are scary! Some of them even have words! Which is why you can access the porn on the internet – at many a frightening Homeland book storage area. 
Which brings us to the sadness of library porn.
Library porn, is the porn viewed at public libraries by those who are in serious need of mental health care. Mental health care, is that thing that we don’t want to pay for, because we’d rather give trillions of our tax dollars to Lockheed Martin and Boeing…so that they can find new ways to blow brown-skinned children up.
Library porn, when accidentally viewed by a 10-year-old girl…is something most of us wish didn’t have to occur. However, if our children were taught less creationist math, I’m certain that accidentally seeing a penis and a vagina on a library computer screen…would be far less traumatic than the banning of books.
Instead of banning books, or hiding what it is that a penis and vagina sometimes do with each other…perhaps our children should be shown what Boeing, Lockheed Martin and Rep. Norm Dicks’ profits – do to the children in Yemen, Vietghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan…
It’s a double-edged sword. If we were to be well-informed, educated, and health care were handed out like Budweiser at the Super Bowl…I guess I’d be endlessly blogging about cute puppy farts and rabbit turds instead.
The photos of the cute puppy farts alone would probably get me 24 million hits a day, but you know how things work…Billy Ray Cyrus didn’t raise his baby girl to operate Jesus’s moral compass for free.
It’s not a bad idea to keep the mentally deficient from watching the library porn…but if seeing a penis or a vagina can devastate an entire society, well then, I’m afraid that Simon Cowell and Liz
Cheney are right.
Pissing in the Media’s Wind
Big media wants you to know, that it doesn’t matter what you think that you know.
And that’s about it.
From the AP we are warned that – ‘Iran said greater threat, while al-Qaida declines‘.
From the bowels of the Washington Post’s Greg Miller, we can smell that: ‘Iran, perceiving threat from the West, willing to attack on U.S. soil, intelligence report finds’.
From the vas deferens ducts of the news tubes known as Foreign Affairs…we are ejaculated upon with messy news of Iranian evildoers, who 
plan to do us even more harm than Bank of America never dared dream: ‘Al Qaeda in Iran – Why Tehran is Accommodating the Terrorist Group‘.
From the dustbin of war crimes complicit – twisted journalistic: we might remember that Judith Miller didn’t have any secret bio-weapons labs. Judith didn’t possess nuclear weapons, nor did she intend to build any.
Judith couldn’t attack us like that – and neither could Iraq.
Iran is the new Iraq. Iraq was the new Afghanistan, while Pakistan is the old Mexico. This makes Yemen the new Haiti, Somalia the next Libya, with Syria behaving like Israel…look for Oakland to be the next Cambodia.
The anthrax didn’t come from over there – it came from right here.
If Judith Miller cared as much about the war powers act, as James Clapper cares about his anal itching…then SEAL Team 6 would have already taken out British Petroleum.
The media of the Homeland farts in our general direction –
we then get to piss in their stinky wind.
It’s like being Frank Zappa
we’re surrounded by old white men
who fear dirty records.
The Vigilant Lens 