Final Score – Clooney 158 and The Rest of Us 67
George Clooney is a lot like Kevin Costner – in that neither of them starred in Avatar.
When I saw Avatar, I was certain that Costner was in it, even though I’d just watched it without him in it. Having just watched The Descendants with a roomful of swooning 67- year-olds…I was certain that Don Johnson was in it, even though I had just watched it…which is when I realized that Cheech Marin wasn’t in it either.
So either Tin Cup was the best movie ever made, or…Clooney’s just that fucking good!
In my local theater, The Descendants caused the eyes of many of the gathered 67-year-olds, to swell shut with tears not seen since President Bush opened the internment camps for the Spanish Speakers. Once I’d gotten over my disappointment about the lack of any speaking roles for Don Johnson or Cheech Marin in this film…I too teared up, because the gathered 67-year-olds do not cry over Obama’s internment camps for the Spanish Speakers. 
But yes, my heartstrings were being pulled, tugged and gently massaged in such a manner – that I felt as if Meryl Streep herself!…had slathered my popcorn with the life-ending oils of Monsanto’s Arts Division.
I was also semi-emotional, due to my inability to stop wondering how much Patricia Hastie might have made…for lying motionless in a bed for about 110 minutes of this 115 minute movie. Could not Cheech or Don have done this too?
Spoiler alert here folks. There’s good news, Big Lebowski news and bad news ahead.
The Lebowski news is that Beau Bridges’ role as Cousin Hugh, was clearly turned down by his brother Jeff. There can only be
one ‘Dude’ – Beau.
The good news is that Shailene Woodley, the actress who plays Clooney’s daughter…is like 20 years old. In other words, don’t sweat the bikini scenes too much.
The bad news? Hawaii is still being occupied by the same people who occupied Mt. Rushmore, Iraq and Cancun.
I guess we’ll just have to leave the decision-making as to which movie is this years best, to the pale professionals at the AMPA. My money’s on Water World, Costner’s epic 1995 post-apocalyptic film, which I think was about a mailman who lost his sweet caretaker gig in Hawaii, and then hiked to Metaline Falls near Spokane, Washington…to deliver the mail?
If forced to make a semi-serious prediction for this years awards…I’d go with Clooney for Best actor, an honorable mention to The Tree of Life for best craft services, with the Best Actress going to the bed that held Patricia Hastie.
Thus ends the yearly movie review/Oscar predictions here at the Lens. I’ll leave you with this thought about The Descendants. Is it somehow connected to Nash Bridges? And if not, why the hell not?
Final score…George Clooney 158 and the rest of us 67. Obviously.
The Fields of Indiana Corn
Finding ourselves doesn’t require courage.
Challenging ourselves to find the courage
remains the requirement.
It was from within the middle of many an Indiana field of corn – that my friends and I searched for ourselves. The corn was not yet Monsantoized, but the Maize had long ago been stolen.
The history of the corn surrounded us – but we did not hear. The future of the corn surrounded us – but history is not taught here.
The Vietnam War had just ended. Evidently we had won.
The corn had ears – only the corn would listen.
We were just kids – kids climbing Indiana trees. 
Indiana trees…
“Indiana trees hangin’ us instead of leaves…”
The corn had ears
we have eyes.
Indiana shade trees –
ropes fear the light.
We the kids eventually forgot about the fields of corn, and what we didn’t know about the trees…we wouldn’t need to forget.
I went West…to find myself again.
It was from within the middle of many a Washington field of potatoes, wheat and apples – that we young adults found ourselves searching in.
The wheat was subsidized – apples were already “Monsantoized”
Iraq – Vietghanistan – Anthrax and Patriot Acts.
The Washington potatoes have eyes
the Indiana corn had ears.
Between a Rock and an Even Harder Place
George W. Bush was a great man in the eye of many a beholder. Like myself, George spent quite a bit of time drinking his way into owning a baseball team…which of course, then qualified us to pretend to run a country.
As an added bonus, neither of our combined awesomeness has yet been mentioned at any of the Teabanger debates. This is either an oversight disguised as a blessing , or Newt’s wives are planning to hold on to “the photos” just a bit longer…
All of Newt’s exes may not live in Texas, but neither does Iraq. Which brings me to democracy. 
Hillary Clinton’s version of democracy in Iraq…looks a lot like Bill’s, which looked a lot like HW Bush’s. First you invade them for the non-existent Kuwaiti incubator babies, then you later deprive them of food and medicine until you’ve killed half a million kids. Then years later, you re-invade them, kill another million or so people, kill thousand’s of U.S. troops, leave behind a social/environmental disaster of Homelandian proportion…and all these years later, we get to tell Iraq to act like a democracy?
The long answer is – yes.
Was all of the profit worth it? You bet$ha.
Since Iraq has figured out how to take legal action against our little war criminals, instead of against our…well, you’d know, if Twitter weren’t censoring tweets from certain countries with: “different ideas” about freedom of expression as a human right.
Patriot Acted forests are forgotten for the NDAA trees.
Iraq’s oil begat Iran’s.
Vietghanistan employed thousands of us
Creationism over spermism
Che Guevara on a t-shirt.
Iraq is between a rock – we’re the harder place.
The Homeland is a Ford Pinto
Superheroes come in so many forms, that it’s hard for us to distinguish the K Street lobbyists from the Midwestern sales-rep
for Lockheed Martin.
Which is why Ralph Nader frightens progressive Democrats…far more than he bothers repressive Teabangers.
And that, my fair-weather Twitter friends…is what we in the business of pointing shit out call…a clue.
Ralph is no superhero. On this, the Daily KOS and I can agree. To me, Ralph is just a pissed off smart guy – who’d like us to get paid what we’re worth. If you’re going to give your life to the Corporatocracy, why not get a few paid days off and…take a deep breath here…some Goddamned affordable health-scare?
Ralph once saved us from the Ford Motor Company and their pre-Homelandian car of exploding death called, the Pinto. As far as I can recall…we did not invade Dearborn, Michigan’s Ford plant and accuse it of selling us Cars of Mass Destruction. We just abandoned and then decimated the Detroit area instead. 
See Michael Moore’s GM and it’s Corvair for more.
Ralph helped usher in the era of seat belts, clean water and air that didn’t necessarily kill us immediately.
See the Monsanto corn in your grocers freezer or Kaiser Aluminum for more.
Ralph also warned us about the crime wave called the Reagan Savings and Loan Disaster. That bailout cost us almost $70 billion dollars! Which is why the even bigger Bush/Obama bailouts of today…seem so insignificant.
For more to ignore, see the Pentagon, Homeland Security and any country with brown-skinned humans in it. Or for less…see Reagan’s government cheese.
Why does Ralph hate our freedom to die from fake food, cars of mass destruction and GE’s Fukushima reactors? I don’t know. But I do know that we like flammable drinking water just as much as the Canadian’s do!
Sure both Ralph and Canada know that most water flows south. Yes…Ralph laughed at Al Gore’s locked box. Yes…Karl Rove did too. But Ralph had a point…Karl should be in the Hague. Big difference.
For more on why progressive Twitter followers don’t read my tweets…read just above.
For more on why the Corporatocracy do enjoy my Tweets…read just above, think slavery and then ponder why it is that Iraq doesn’t have a Courtney Stodden…or running water, or sewage treatment plants.
The homeland – unsafe at all speeds?
According to Petraeus’s Napolitano,
um sure. Yeah – why not.
Factual Fiction is Frictional Art
One of my favorite pretend poets was a fictional DJ who lived in a fictional Alaskan town. He worked at a fictional radio station that was owned by a fictional old-school conservative – who coveted an 18-year-old Canadian girl.
Sure fictional art can imitate life.
Nancy Pelosi just sent me an email in which she begged for money – for a man who has already raised about $70 million dollars. Nancy Pelosi works in a House – where her party enjoyed the majority of two Houses – during the frequently forgotten…110th Congress.
The Bush was not impeached – yet Clinton’s penis was.
Factual fiction? Or frictional art?
Dennis Kucinich – one of the few Democrats known to exist in this sector of the universe…recently said: “One of the biggest stumbling blocks to America’s economic recovery is corporations can legally buy elections and then influence policies which move millions of jobs out of America, which escape taxation by off shoring profits, which cash in on wars, which press military industrial spending through the roof. ” 
Obviously Costco was right. Dennis is nuts.
Inequality has always been part of the fabric of the Homeland. Skin color, gender, religion, sexual and financial orientation…determine how, where and into whom, one might get to plant their phallic stick of freedom. This does require friction, but like Pelosi’s email, fundraising from the Patriot Acted…is full of factual fiction.
As Mother Jones is attempting to show us, ‘it’s who has the money stupid‘. Great information can be had in that article of graphs, but, sadly, most of us are graph retarded. We’ll only spend a fraction of a second with those…before we resume searching for funny katz and photos of Miley Cyrus…who somehow always knows…just when to not wear a bra.
Making Billy Ray Cyrus proud is obviously – really quite easy. Which when you think about it…Miley is like us and Billy Ray is like “them”. We’ll do and or buy anything, just to ignore the horrible parenting skills of our fictional filled Homeland.
Truths of a painful nature are like clockwork.
Is it factual fiction?
Or just frictional art?
Fictional towns are like any email from a politician…
the chaos is scripted – the factual fiction is implied.
Common Sense Called
While we were out, common sense called us. She’s left several messages, but we’re not really big on returning the calls of common sense. We will however, always return the calls of ‘absolutely no basis in reality’. Which makes sense.
Our old friend common sense last tried to reach us, just before Saddam’s non-existent Anthrax didn’t attack anything. After the first declared victory in Iraq, common sense pretty much just said fuck it…and stopped calling.
Common sense had been trying to reach us for at least 160 years. She used to try and reach us via telegraph, the U.S. Mail and or through our God given moral compasses. Technology failed her then, and of course, we’ve never really had any use for compasses of morality.
Sadly, common sense was not only ignored, but she was brutally attacked by men like JP Morgan, Rockefeller and Andrew Carnegie. Today, Al Roker, the Koch brothers and the camp cook at the Bohemian Grove…have taken over where Morgan, Rockefeller, Carnegie and our moral compasses left off. 
This is why millions of common sense free Homelandians – do fret about President Obama’s hidden Muslim agenda. This is also why millions of us also ignore Newt Romney’s hidden Muslim agenda – GMO laden foodstuffs – Homeland Security’s affordable drones and British Petroleum’s Fukushima.
Yeah – Al Roker and the camp cook at the Bohemian Grove are that good. The Koch’s on the other hand, just sleep a lot and watch an unhealthy amount of Green Acres.
It’s an election year, which means that we the Patriot Acted are even slower witted than usual. We have a bottomless pit of cash on hand, as long as it’s spent on war, reelection, bailouts and prosecuting humans who keep trying to remind us of our old friend common sense.
In the end, no fornicating/magic long-underwear wearing challenger will defeat President Obama. For now, it’s Obama’s pretend throne to occupy, because Al Roker says so.
Maintaining an empire isn’t easy. It takes liars, failed Pentagon strategy after failed Pentagon tragedy, profit and…millions of Patriot Acted party members – Tebowing their way to a shared oblivion.
Common sense always had plenty of quarters to get a hold of us.
I think she stopped calling us for a reason.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
The Gift of Oligarchy Dental
As the branches of Glenn Beck’s psychosis battle the looming corporatocracy for daylight…I’m left wondering, why can’t we get some sort of awesome socialist dental care from the current Oligarchy?
Quick. What’s more frightening to 97% of We the Patriot Acted? 12 brown-skinned, wrong religion practicing humans who live in far away lands…who would find it quite difficult to invade the Homeland, if it were not for the assistance of your CIA, DIA or the bomb offering FBI? Or…funding health care, jobs and education instead of the endless Obama wars for Boeing? 
The answer? Gay marriage, birth control and the liberal media elite!
This is just part of the reason we stopped cutting down so many trees…because plastic bags are made out of oil. Like Iraq. Or Iran.
Some day the Seattle Times will draw our attention to our dysfunction. Until then, we’ll have to concern ourselves with the millions of dollars spent to house and lawyer-up our sex offenders.
The Times aren’t trying to draw your attention to the trillions of dollars wasted by Bush and Obama – because that’s not a “local issue”. It’s also not journalism. To ponder such things, is just a waste of our beautiful minds. But so is pretending that forecasting your weather is a skill.
This is why the internet must die.
It’s not the porn that you watch that matters –
it’s who can keep any truthiness from escaping that counts.
When the Seattle Times puts together yet another – Pulitzer Prize contending series of articles about expensive state/county government programs…one might consider the trillions of lost dollars said articles will never point out. Besides, worrying about Newt’s wandering penis is so much more entertaining.
At this point, the simple gift of an Oligarchy dental plan for some of us – would probably shut most of us up.
See the Seattle Times for more.
The Vigilant Lens 