Partially Hydrogenated Acted
If Iran were as serious about ending the Homeland as Victoria Jackson is…would Yum! Brands Inc. open a KFC in Karaj?
Like Victoria, Iran is a test market. Corporations need to run Victoria (and fried chicken and biscuits) up the flagpole first…to see if anyone will salute and or eat it.
We the partially hydrogenated acted, have proven that we’ll not only buy anything shoved in our general direction…but most of us will eat it too. Which my Iranian friends, proves that fake fatty oils can turn a populace into apathetic voters, who’ll keep waiting for the next Dancing With the Stars…even as they wait in the emergency room for some dental care.
Being as partially hydrogenated acted as we are, allows us to be free of the chaffing chains that accompany rational thinking. Or so I’m told.
Our fear of rashes, is why the NYPD hate our freedoms more than they want to arrest criminals like Karl Rove. Our inability to think, without fear of another Army Anthrax reprisal…is why we ignore everything that Rick Steves has been trying to tell us about Europe’s back door, since about 1980.
See the KFC in Karaj, or Obama’s Guantanamo for more.
“But what about the Keystone Pipeline Vigilant Lens dude?” “Do we not need the jobs, the oil and the freedom!?”
Well first off, no. And secondly…that was an awesome segue! 
You see, invisible question asker, if the Keystone pipeline were being built for jobs and our own unquenchable consumption, then the refinery in Bellingham, Washington, would be the new Texas. But it’s not. Which means that the dirty Canadian oil is bound for China…not Spokane.
See Victoria Jackson, or Obama’s Vietghanistan for more.
What if anything, does Victoria Jackson, an Iranian KFC, and Leon Panetta have to do with the price of freedom in the Homeland? Pretty much fucking everything.
On a capitalistic note…for you enterprising marketing humans that follow me on the Twitter – a new motto!: ‘The Homeland. When we’re not trying to kill you…we’re trying to fuck you, ourselves, and or anything that breathes.’
The moral for today’s partially hydrogenated acted might be that – we’re probably FULLY Hydrogenated Acted, not just partially. That and don’t take Chrysler’s word for how good things are in Detroit. But do ask Tom Bergeron!
Iran, you guys have your Mullahs and we have our Donald Trumps.
So don’t sweat it.
Potato/potahto – welcome to freedom!
Let’s eat!
Nipples to Ashes
It was the Oscar/NBA All-Star/Americans for Prosperity weekend! A trifecta of nipples, fortune cookies and gay sex!
As the world breathes deeply from the forgotten Fukushima air, the Homeland partied like it was 2003…when Bush was gutting the Constitution, torturing children to death and mispronouncing corporate bailout. Boy howdy how times have changed!
This weekend in Cali, the millionaires did prance in fancy clothes…as we hoped for a nipple to pop out. Did J. Lo have a wardrobe malfunction? Is President Obama the better Bush? 
In similar news, Ben and Jerry’s actually made some ice cream with bits of fortune cookie in it…in some type of Billy Crystal homage to Jeremy Lin.
Did J. Lo have a wardrobe malfunction!? Has Billy Crystal taken his act to Bagram?
Amongst the carnage of this weekends idiocy, there was also a meeting of scary Teahadists in Troy, Michigan. I like to call them the shallow end of the gene pool who already run your country…Tom Cruise probably calls them Preclears. Either way, the question should be asked: did J. Lo have a wardrobe malfunction?
Is it any wonder…that we don’t care about President Obama blowing up brown-skinned children who live near oil? Isn’t it hilarious…that we as a retarded collective, actually think of Obama as a liberal?
Hey! Was that J. Lo’s nipple!?
For me, the best part of this weekends idiocy, was Sacha Baron Cohen’s dumping of Kim Jong-Il’s ashes upon Ryan’s tiny Seacrest.
The worst part? We’ll still breath in the air of Fukushima, ignore the emails of Stratfor, and forget “Enron’s” Bank of America…for a nipple.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Scripted Enough to Win
Bush gas prices don't count
Sometimes it’s hard to follow along with the increasingly retarded script of the Homeland…but that’s what the Westboro Baptist Church is for. Script revisions.
With the latest script revisions, we the Patriot Acted are now supposed to be upset about a burning of the Quran apology…or the rising price of gas – which we haven’t witnessed since the last Bush was in office.
When translated from Newt’s Frothy Romney to Midwestern English, this means that Obama has already won…and Ron Paul has a CIA Super PAC too. 
As per usual…the irony and or coincidences will be lost on most of us. See Ann Romney’s Cadillacs for more.
Or perhaps you’d be more comfortable with Obama’s version of the Bush legacy? Which is identicle to the legacy of Clinton, Daddy Bush and Reagan. But not Ford.
President Ford’s legacy was to appear so mind-fuckingly incompetent, as to distract us from Nixon’s legacy that contained not one…Oval Office blow job. Kissinger doesn’t count.
Kissinger’s lack of prison time then led to President Carter’s legacy
and 9/11.
For more about us, see Lockheed Martin’s profits, then watch any episode of The A Team…and do try to stay on script.
Vodpod videos no longer available.Change is in the Shadows
Carl Jung had some things to say. Had Carl and his shadow lived to watch the subconscious of the political punditry class – devour the conscious existence of the rest of us…he’d probably vote for Roseanne Barr just to fuck with their anima’s animuses.
See the pundit class as it points out the fallacies of the retarded, only to ignore the dead brown-skinned babies.
I think it was the CIA’s Mitchell or Jessen who “might have said”: When the persona breaks free of its conscience boundaries – that’s when the real money starts rolling in. 
Look to the shadows for the change. It comes with an Ænima.
Watch as Patty Murray and Norm Dicks lurk beneath the ghost of Russ Feingold’s shadow.
Keep clear of Mr. Holland’s Stonegarden opus, as Naomi Wolf warns of the forgotten nuclear folly.
The Stonegarden folly reminds me of the shadows at Hanford. They now throw short…but run deeper than any down-streamer should be comfortable in knowing.
The change is in the shadows.
It’s just to the rear of the political punditry classes
and a little to the right.
Occupy Jalalabad
Our plastic sheeting and duct tape never used against the terror
prop it up and tape it to a broom –
a Bank of America-free home!
They’re trending. Kids love em’! They’re the bomb.
As the vast majority of the Homeland’s Patriot Acted rest on their morals – Russell Means was right.
When our morality filled communities aren’t banning books, we’re burning them over there. Because Indiana hates the Girl Scouts
and our freedom right here.
And the US-trained Afghan cops did attack the protesters.
Russell Means appears to me – and he’s right. 
Since Iran doesn’t make our Apple Apps
The Homeland will attack!
Steve Jobs was no Russell Means.
It could have been John Lennon who once warned: there’s Islamophobics in the bathroom, just beyond the pale, but it may have also been Russell Means.
So onward xenophobic soldiers! Tonight we eat GMO!
Tomorrow we pay more for gas.
The scary uterus’ can’t procreate – without the seed of the insane.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Lou Dobbs! First “teh” Mexicans, now “teh” Dr. Seuss?
Franklin Graham!? Yes the Hawaiian is black.
Mississippi’s still burning
Rick’s endless Santorum? Penis envy defined.
We failed to keep the loonies on the path
unions are your enemy
I’m sure there’s an App for that.
Occupy Jalalabad. Duct tape and plastic sheeting.
Russell Means? He was right.
Zoned for Multiplicity
It’s Tuesday and science is under attack again like it’s 1981 AD…the early Dark Ages, or the pre-Homelandia era.
“Science” as if…
If we are to further believe “science,” then yesterday was Monday, and many of the lower-middle classes of the Homeland had the day off. Since I’ve not been given a sign as of yet…then I trust that “science” will tell us that tomorrow will be Wednesday.
But “science” can’t be real, because I know God spelled Wednesday as Wenzday. Besides, the “scientists” are not protecting FOX News’ Chad Pergram from the parked cars of hidden brown-skinned terror! Chad must risk life, limb and the chance that oxygen just might reach his brain…during his daily stroll from his car to the “science“-free halls of Congress. The pretend horror.
The FBI’s “scientists” and I…laugh in your general direction. Chad.
My thanks to Yahoo! News! and Chad on this Toozday, the day before God’s Wenzday, for not only has Newt’s Romney entered ‘the danger zone‘…but I think I saw a brown-skinned child place a device under my neighbors car.
Sucks to be us my neighbor.
Outrage of Glass
Obama Lied and Puppies do Play
An email from the outraged Nancy Pelosi has reached my inbox. Her email of pretend indignation, after having traveled through the moral filters of the DNC’s ‘internet machinations of confabulations’, has left George W. Bush still not serving out his life sentence at Obama’s Detention Facility at Parwan.
The blood soaked irony is lost upon Ed Schultz, though ESPN’s sports writers are having a tough time with this century.
Nancy wants me to be outraged – OUTRAGED!, at those who fear a woman’s uterus…from within the Teabanger’s closet of flaccid Koch strokers.
What part of this brutally murdered message, due to my Indiana Public ‘School’ grammarin’ Nancy isn’t getting…is your answer to why Jamie Dimon is not currently sharing floorspace with George W. Bush, at any of President Obama’s Camp Nama’s.
And that’s what Rep. John Conyers said.
For more on all of this, keep an eye on ESPN’s coverage of all things Jeremy Lin, duck and cover if you’re reading this in Northern Mexico…or Yemen, and stay tuned for stem cell beef!
What in Santorum’s Frothy Deity could possibly go wrong?
The Vigilant Lens 