Fear Your Thermos, Fear Journalism, Fear my Pants
Rossi Bomb
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Homeland not a thermos could be found…
Another fear filled travel season has just about ended. Napolitano’s fear factory reminded you of your fear and some of us were afraid. I was reminded that Janet has got to be the gayest man I’ve never been asked or told about.
Perhaps Janet will now serve openly and join the Army? I hear they need a few smarter men, women and Janet’s.
In addition to throwing out your thermos, may I suggest you also throw out NBC, Fox News and Wired. For when we rely on Matt Lauer, Palin’s Beck or Wired’s Kevin Poulsen, you get what you pay for…Janet Napolitano’s talking points in drag.
Wired is to the FBI as Adrian Lamo is to freedom as Private Manning is to Dick Cheney.
Private Manning was somehow able to access secrets so secretive…that no one has yet had to pay for their crimes. Unless of course you fear thermoses. If you fear the thermos, then I suppose you’d have to confuse crimes with truthiness. So PFC Manning’s imprisonment without charges, or Julian Assange’s alleged broken condom against the Homeland..would then count.
When danger lurks, throw out your thermos or watch Jon Stewart. I guess Jon is about the only “Journalist” left, who is able to make our elected representatives act. Jon can also put on a great, moderately safe and boring party too.
When push comes to shove, if PFC Manning is somehow worse than Scooter Libby…then you’ll probably find yourself prosecuted for reading the email of your cheating wife.
Karl Rove thanks you for your fear of the thermos.
Now watch this new TSA video.
All of your questions…will be answered.
A Very Napolitano Christmas
Happy Holidays Lens readers of the internets! Peace, love and don’t even think about traveling with your Thermos Brand thermoses because it is after all, a Napolitano Christmas.
Meanwhile, back in our Pakistan where they’re from what I can gather, not too happy with our undeclared war on their kids, a female suicide bomber killed 45 humans and wounded at least 100 others. A thermos was believed to have been used, but one has not yet been placed at the scene.
Throw out your thermoses, ignore your toothache and keep in mind that the trillions of dollars spent for the wars on Islam, do not have an adverse effect on your economy or Janet Napolitano’s savings account.
See ya’ll soon.
Indian Giver Taketh, Kenyan President Regifteth
If like myself, you link to a fair amount of stupid crap on the tubes and wires of the internets, then you’re probably also being spied on by at least a dozen bespectacled dorks that are armed with badges and guns, but not warrants. Such is life here in the new world order.
If you’re Bryan Fischer, then you’re just a new century Anita Bryant who sleeps with men and writes crazy shit that makes me the apparent front-runner…for this years Colby Award!
It appears that Bryan believes that a birth certificate from Hawaii, is about as real as our Muslim President, who is currently much better at killing Muslims than…”Anita” Bryan himself.
Prineville's Fave
Let it soak in Bry Bry.
Bry Bry also says that President Obama is going to give all of the Homeland back to “the Indians.”
I say fantastic! But I’m fairly confident, that this handover of the Homeland will not go well for the Palin’s, the Abramoff’s or several of the Jesuit Schools.
Retribution is a tough business. Once Russell Means and Leonard Peltier are through with us, there’s also that whole rest of the world problem we have.
Good luck Sarah!!
Homeland Stripped of Catholic Status
Bishop Thomas Olmstead of the Diocese of Phoenix, fresh off of his stripping St. Joseph’s Hospital and Medical Center of its Catholic status for having performed an abortion…went ahead and stripped the Homeland of its Catholic status too.
Evidently, Bishop Olmstead had grown weary of our illegal wars of aggression, our torture of illegal POW’s and our penchant for corporate welfare vs. funding school lunches.
According to a few semi-free thinking Bishops like Tom, while abortion ignores the men who impregnate the women, killing brown-skinned kids in Yemen is not exactly pleasing the Lord either.
Obama’s wars drone on and quite frankly, he’s doing a better job of killing Muslims and our troops than Bush did. Hence we have Teabangers and the terrorists at Fox News.
While the Church is no friend to the abused children of the priesthood, it does at some point, pretend to care about the millions of humans killed in our various empire building activities…since as far back as when Columbus first didn’t discover America.
Columbus did discover the “benefits” of slavery…but you know, our history books are full of Napolitanoism’s, so good luck finding your truth.
Happy Holidays and look away from the light!
Buffets are the Bomb
Salad is the enemy
Homeland Security is usually a day late and about 800 billion dollars short. Most school districts and several state budgets of the Homeland are about 800 billion dollars short as well…and this of course allows criminals like Erik Prince, to sell Blackwater/Xe with the ever helpful assistance of Bank of America.
As Homeland Security only deals with the pretend threats against the Homeland in a precise and well thought out manner, please be warned that you should now avoid eating at ANY restaurant that has a buffet. Because you’re now a target. And a great big one at that.
Ma Anand Janet?
You know, it’s bad enough that the buffet eaters don’t already fear the food they’re currently piling high on their plates…now they also have to be extra super-duper Vigilant against terrorist attacks, as they forage for freedom.
As per usual, we citizens of the great NW Sector of the Homeland are waaayyy ahead of the curve on this. We’ve been to the Dalles, Oregon and we’ve survived attacks on our salad bars. We know what to look for and if I’m not mistaken, Janet Napolitano looks a bit like Ma Anand Sheela…the best buffet terrorist just that side of Hood River.
Beware your 4th trip to the buffet in 6 minutes…skip the rolls and go right to the dessert…and keep an eye out for women in Rajneesh Red.
Polls, Poles and Selective Bingisms
Today I learned that a Gallup poll is almost as useful as a stripper pole.
Gallup polls are useful in propping up the talking points of those who have a vested interest. Stripper poles are quite useful for the propping up of strippers, where rumor has it, I have a vested interest.
So when a Gallup poll tells us that 40 percent of some Christians polled are still under the impression that we were created by God, less than 10,000 years ago…I say what the hell is up with the other 60 percent of those polled Christians?
What I find even more fascinating, is the fact that my polling indicates that 32 percent of the Agnostics I run into at strip joints…believe that all breasts are able to defy gravity, even while their owner hangs upside down from a pole. It’s these freaks that concern me.
Married men in strip joints everywhere, believe that one folded dollar bill is equal to roughly 500 folded dollar bills. (We’ll discuss this fact and how it relates to a tax break for billionaires, next week.)
Fredrik Reinfeldt is the Prime Minister of Sweden. Apparently, Fredrik believes that by shoving several million folded dollar bills into Karl Rove’s-Iron Man Underoos, Julian Assange might just go away.
I can’t speak as to what Mr. Reinfeld might find in Karl’s underwear, but where there’s a Rove, there’s probably a way to send Assange to Cuba. 
Stripper poles, war criminals in Underoos and Christmas. It always brings me back to Bing Crosby and the wholesome goodness that he represented.
Being that the Homeland is run by a cadre of mini-Crosby’s, who when not singing beautiful songs of freedom, are busy beating their children and killing the wrong religion practicing humans of the planet…I can see why Bing has a statue at Gonzaga.
Lessons are more valuable when someone learns one. If one were to grasp on to something resembling a lesson from Bing, Gallup and the Vigilant words you find here…it would have to be that men have an over inflated sense of what a folded dollar bill can buy.
Can you hear what I see? Probably not…
Maybe Erin Brockovich Will Help Us?
I Know! I can't believe it either! Star Wars...ha!
As my shallow end of the gene pool friends like to remind me…if it wasn’t for our stash of WMD’s, we’d be speaking Russian with a Chinese accent and tripping over our Japanese lederhosen, while dodging the FBI provided bombs of brown-skinned American teenagers.
Arguing with the shallow end of the gene pool can be good for one’s self-esteem, but I find that watching David Gregory ask Joe Biden about winning in Vietghanistan, far more enlightening. 
One day ol Joe is telling us that WikiLeaks has caused no damage, and then the very next day, Joe is warning us that WikiLeaks is as frightening as a terrorist with an AOL account. Our government must take us for babbling idiots with attention spans of a 5-year-old Teabanger.
Oh yeah, that’s right…
Well, since we’re too slow on the uptake to grasp that Boeing, Halliburton and the Pentagon consider us all just this side of abused naked sheep…perhaps Erin Brockovich can help us?
Our corporations are out of control, the wars evidently DO cost money and our drinking water is laced with hexavalent chromium, fluoride and what I can only assume is stupid juice.
I mean, it’s like we’re building a really expensive war fighting apparatus to wage a losing war against the world, while the real war against us rubes here at home…goes much better than expected.
Huh. Weird.
