Benny, Mitchell, Jessen & Joon
The much-anticipated sequel to 1993’s Benny & Joon…filmed in the beautiful parts of Spokane, Washington has not occurred. Neither Johnny Depp nor Winona Ryder have been spotted at the Onion, but the psychotic duo of Mitchell and Jessen are back, and they’re nowhere near as fun as Depp’s Sam.
When we last visited the psychos two…Mitchell and Jessen, we learned of their Spokane connection and some other useful information about Spokane like Fairchild AFB, Flaherty’s bar and Evel Knievel.
Now I can assure you, Evel and Flaherty’s were more American than the cowardly psychos two —Mitchell and Jessen. At Flaherty’s you could mingle with ditch diggers, lawyers, strung out coke heads from felony flats, and if you were lucky, you’d make it down the block to Albertini’s for another round and a piss in the ‘men’s room with a window above the urinal’…so as to keep an eye on your drink.
When James Mitchell and Bruce Jessen were around, they tended to bring the party down by torturing and waterboarding their guests. And I used to think Joe Brasch was a bit of a party pooper.
If you’re unfamiliar with Mitchell and Jessen, torture, or our ongoing wars against Islam and the working class people of Spokane — well, you might as well sit down in the empty space where Flaherty’s once stood and think about why Mr. Alexie can no longer play ball at the downtown YMCA.
When we have 5 million dollars to defend tortures who’ll never be tried, and 250 million dollars to keep Dick Cheney out of a Nigerian prison…we’ll then also have trillions of dollars for wars, Wall Street, and none for you.
The old bars and Evel are gone, but Mitchell and Jessen walk freely amongst you. They’re still psycho and they’re still not in prison.
If I were North by Northwest Productions, I’d be looking at scripts and searching for financing…
VFP at the Gate
In breaking news not brought to you by WikiLeaks, President Obama is to the Nobel Peace Prize as Bush was to the word newkleer.
Yesterday in DC, several of my former pals in VFP went and failed to march around a block with some signs. This is encouraging! For as long as VFP was fighting amongst themselves about Israel, parades or to what degree Obama was not as war criminalish as Bush…Vietghanistan, Iraq and PakiYemenstan did Drone on…
Signs are nice, but they’re only as good as the last president to be impeached. Which around here means illegal blow jobs, not wars.
Being that we are a nation of teevee viewers, not doers, this latest action by VFP and others, is at least as proactive as reading a really long post by Glenn Greenwald. Not to mention the 3 million comments.
Yes I’m obviously envious. Is Rio accepting any more enemies of the Homeland?
But as per usual, I digress.
So while VFP was at Obama’s gate, bringing much-needed attention to the never-ending wars for Boeing…the peace prize winner was himself, speaking to the progress of the inexpensive wars.
Apparently the wars go well and we’re on track to never leave any of them, because like Korea, we’ve invested too much of the CIA’s time. If like me, you enjoy reading between the lines…and between those lines, we’ll find that the CIA disagrees with Obama’s assertions of glory…because victory can only be declared by a Republican.
Reading even further between the lines, one might find that WikiLeaks has broken no laws here or in Australia and while Assange has been busy breaking no laws, he’s also not been doing any damage.
As we ponder how we slept through the corporate takeover of our Homeland, keep in mind that when tiny little Robert Gates says public opinion can’t stop us from losing in Vietghanistan…he’s telling the truth. Which is why the CIA has to pull station chiefs out of the PakiYemenstan theater.
Tough times for the peace prize winner. The Bush wars against Islam are all but lost, but the wars on education, marijuana and free dental care go fantastic. There are veterans getting arrested at his gate, the CIA is playing him and Julian Assange is a free man!
Although, it could be argued that Julian is nowhere near as free
as Karl Rove.
Forgotten Wars Cost Nothing
A Liberal Agenda Free Dental Clinic
The budget shortfall in Washington State is just a measly 4.6 billion dollars. Most of the Washingtonians that are able to buy a newspaper, watch a teevee or read a pithy blog…are certain that someone is to blame.
The Republican humans blame the Democrat humans, while the Teabanger humans blame homosexual humans and those with a skin color other than none.
Die hard Democrats when looking to put a name to a face, will blame Ralph Nader. Republican humans in turn, will yell terrorist in a crowded theater and give billionaires a tax break…which is easier, because putting a name to a hungry face is really difficult for Republicans.
Teabangers will insist the face must be black. We know this because Obama is black. It’s like new math, but with far less thinking involved.
I may not know spit about spit, because I was educated in the Homeland, but I do know this much…the Democrats and their liberal agenda…ended the Bush wars, the drug wars and the Patriot Act. They’ve cut taxes for billionaires, cut funding for roads, schools, health care and abortion. Food is pricey and God is in the building. 
So you Democrats take your liberal agenda and shove it in a newly closed library or state park! May God damn your liberal gifts to Bank of America and your penchant for torture and your thirst for deporting more illegal Mexican Drug War Lords, than Bush ever dreamed possible! Screw your well-funded military and TSA too!
You liberals took my guns and my home and now you’re taking my slow-witted offspring’s chance at a drunken, binge filled 7 years at WSU!
Those wars that Obama ended cost us nothing before…and they cost us nothing, well, when he ended them!
The blame must be laid and John’s Boehner will do the laying!?
Fun times here in the Washington Sector of the Homeland…it’s like we get our information from David Gregory while discussing foreign policy with Carrot Top.
Voyager Escapes Earth’s Suction
Gravity Sucks?
In semi-scientific news for your Wenzday, the space probe Voyager has now reached the edge of our solar system, an astonishing 10.8 billion miles away from the Homeland.
Interestingly enough, when 10.8 billion miles is measured in U.S. currency, it’ll only pay for about 3 minutes of our wars against Islam.
When reached for comment, the reluctant probe of the Homeland voiced its support of Julian Assange and wondered aloud—that if the war criminal Henry Kissinger could still walk freely amongst us, why can’t Leonard Peltier?
Good question space probe!
I assume the Obama Department of Justice will now be convening a secret grand jury against the probe and extradition back to the Homeland will follow. Probes must not be trusted, as they tend to pal around with green-skinned terrorists who hate us for our shitty health care and Brett Favre?
Well, if there was a lesson to be taken away from any of this, I suppose it’s that most of you unemployed college graduates, had a tough time getting past my spelling of Wenzday…and this of course, brings me nothing but hours of enjoyment.
Remember patriots! Gravity is just the fancy name scientists use to describe the sucking action of the earth…and Yesterday by the Beatles is like gravity, because yesterday don’t mean shit.
Enjoy your Wenzday!
Spoonman, Spokane and Yoo
Listening to ‘Spoonman‘ in Seattle is not the same as listening to Artis in Port Townsend.
Of course listening to ‘Spoonman‘ in Port Townsend today, is not the same as listening to Soundgarden’s ‘Big Dumb Sex‘ in Spokane, somewhere around 1990.
Spokane has yet to recover.
Bearing these differences in mind…let us read the words of Bernie Sanders who said, “The top 1 percent now owns more wealth than the bottom 90 percent. That is not the foundation of a democratic society.”
What’s more frightening than Big Dumb Sex in 1990 Spokane? Perhaps it’s the dying words of our Pakistan/Vietghanistan diplomat, Richard Holbrooke who said, “You’ve got to stop this war in Afghanistan.”
Secret grand juries are used by the Obama Department of Justice, to do more damage to us than the Bush Department of Justice…because a WikiLeak or a journalist who actually digs up the truth, is far more dangerous than John Yoo’s memorandum that tortured the rule of law to death.
Big Dumb Sex in 1990 Spokane made the Shack Restaurant waitresses blush.
Having a black conservative President that trickles down better than Reagan ever dreamed…must drive the Hayden, Idaho KKK snownman guy…fucking goofy.
Lensism #273
It’s not what I think I know that’s important.
It’s what I’m pretending not to know that bothers me.
Palin Porn Keeps the Watergate Disproportionate
Idaho Journalism Degree
Journalism is one of the sacred pillars of the Homeland. Journalists are needed to assist in the propping up of our fake strong Democracy.
Sarah Palin has a Journalism degree. Now you know why Journalism and Matt Lauer are needed. They’re props.
The Fourth Estate shall now be dubbed…Palin Porn.
One Million Dollars
A mound of 100 dollar bills the size of a loaf of bread, equals 1 million dollars…and can also be an excellent source of fiber.
As you can see in the illustration to the right, one million dollars is almost not worth fighting for. So when your Federal Reserve hands out trillions of dollars in free gifts to Wall Street, but not to you…now you know why. A million dollars is worthless.
The wars for Boeing and Halliburton are not costing you and yours millions of dollars. Thank God! The wars against Islam are costing your grandchild’s children, trillions of dollars.
Back in 2002, the Pentagon was unable to account for which drug warlord in Afghanistan had been paid 2.3 trillion dollars. I’ll bet you a loaf of bread that number is much higher today.
I'll take two please
On your left, please take note of what one hundred million dollars looks like. It ain’t Palin Porn, but it is pretty.
So far, thanks to Matt Lauer and his Palin Porn…we kinda sorta know that the BushBama wars for GE are running anywhere from 100 million dollars, to 5 trillion dollars.
Of course, depending on which Palin Porn news outlet you enjoy listening to, your war fighting dollar amount may vary. Substantially…
Please keep in mind, that Julian Assange is the worst thing to have happened to the Homeland since about 1973, when Richard Nixon called my drunk Irish people…drunk Irish people. The fact that Tricky Dick was talking to other American traitors named H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman…will be lost on most of us.
Matt Lauer and his Palin Porn associates, are hoping you believe that Julian Assange is the worst thing to have happened to the Homeland, since the last time truthiness escaped.
Reading between the lines is your job.
One Billion not going for School Lunches
Hey! Lets take a gander at how much one billion dollars laying on more than one pallet might look!!
Okay, lets see if I’m getting the message.
Health care for Americans…bad. Education and school lunches for Americans…bad. Jobs in America bad, jobs in Mexico and Korea…good! Light rail and green power…bad. Julian Assange…bad. Sarah Palin…misunderstood, Presidential genius. Trillions upon trillions of dollars spent for the wars on Islam and marijuana…good. Trillions upon trillions more for Wall Street and BNP Paribas in France…most excellent!
Ah ha! I’m sensing a pattern!
One trillion? Might as well be a million.
The CIA and their real Nazi’s, drone wars and propaganda via Matt Lauer…good. Julian Assange and his leaks of war criminal thrutiness…bad! Very, very bad.
This is fun! And patriotic!
The TSA groping you on your way to the Christian Holy Land known as Las Vegas…good. Protesting the loss of your working class…bad. Unions that brought you your 8 hour work day and a retirement…bad. Walmart Greeter career…good!
Questioning your leaders and their wars…bad. Buying a Dodge…smells like freedom baby! I’ll take two.
Happy Monday!
