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Buffets are the Bomb

December 22, 2010

Salad is the enemy

Homeland Security is usually a day late and about 800 billion dollars short.  Most school districts and several state budgets of the Homeland are about 800 billion dollars short as well…and this of course allows criminals like Erik Prince, to sell Blackwater/Xe with the ever helpful assistance of Bank of America.

As Homeland Security only deals with the pretend threats against the Homeland in a precise and well thought out manner, please be warned that you should now avoid eating at ANY restaurant that has a buffet.  Because you’re now a target.  And a great big one at that.

Ma Anand Janet?

You know, it’s bad enough that the buffet eaters don’t already fear the food they’re currently piling high on their plates…now they also have to be extra super-duper Vigilant against terrorist attacks, as they forage for freedom.

As per usual, we citizens of the great NW Sector of the Homeland are waaayyy ahead of the curve on this.  We’ve been to the Dalles, Oregon and we’ve survived attacks on our salad bars.  We know what to look for and if I’m not mistaken, Janet Napolitano looks a bit like Ma Anand Sheela…the best buffet terrorist just that side of Hood River.

Beware your 4th trip to the buffet in 6 minutes…skip the rolls and go right to the dessert…and keep an eye out for women in Rajneesh Red.

  1. December 22, 2010 16:02

    Oh, so maybe the face-to-the-plate festival I posted about last week was actually the deputies performing a buffet security inspection?

    That method seems to be the fastest way to discover any tainted food, rather than to have to use scientific methods of collecting samples from every warmer tray and every cookie…that would be tedious.

    & Lucky me! I won’t have to listen to Big Sister in WalMart, because I don’t shop there.


    • December 22, 2010 21:12

      Yes indeed they were!

      It’s part of Homelands ‘Operation Stonegarden‘, where the DHS gives local pd’s, tribal and other federal law enforcement agencies cash money…Normally they’re supposed to buy things like new cars, guns, uniforms and hookers. But in your case, I guess they were buying ham, deep fried breaded stuff and pie.

      All makes perfect sense in my mind. Big sister does work in mysterious ways!


  2. December 23, 2010 05:24

    Pie is the new donut. That was made official last year in my area.
    Deep fried, breaded animals were a close second, followed by pizza.


    • December 23, 2010 09:37

      Wait till they start deep frying pie and putting breading on the Soylent Green.

      If you can’t shoot the marijuana smokers…why not eat em?

      Breaded Soylent Green is people!!


  3. December 24, 2010 07:21

    Help me. I’ve fallen out laffin and I can’t get up!


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