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Polls, Poles and Selective Bingisms

December 20, 2010

Today I learned that a Gallup poll is almost as useful as a stripper pole.

Gallup polls are useful in propping up the talking points of those who have a vested interest.  Stripper poles are quite useful for the propping up of strippers, where rumor has it, I have a vested interest.

So when a Gallup poll tells us that 40 percent of some Christians polled are still under the impression that we were created by God, less than 10,000 years ago…I say what the hell is up with the other 60 percent of those polled Christians?

What I find even more fascinating, is the fact that my polling indicates that 32 percent of the Agnostics I run into at strip joints…believe that all breasts are able to defy gravity, even while their owner hangs upside down from a pole.  It’s these freaks that concern me.

Married men in strip joints everywhere, believe that one folded dollar bill is equal to roughly 500 folded dollar bills.  (We’ll discuss this fact and how it relates to a tax break for billionaires, next week.)

Fredrik Reinfeldt is the Prime Minister of Sweden.  Apparently, Fredrik believes that by shoving several million folded dollar bills into Karl Rove’s-Iron Man Underoos, Julian Assange might just go away.

I can’t speak as to what Mr. Reinfeld might find in Karl’s underwear, but where there’s a Rove, there’s probably a way to send Assange to Cuba. 

Stripper poles, war criminals in Underoos and Christmas.  It always brings me back to Bing Crosby and the wholesome goodness that he represented.

Being that the Homeland is run by a cadre of mini-Crosby’s, who when not singing beautiful songs of freedom, are busy beating their children and killing the wrong religion practicing humans of the planet…I can see why Bing has a statue at Gonzaga.

Lessons are more valuable when someone learns one.  If one were to grasp on to something resembling a lesson from Bing, Gallup and the Vigilant words you find here…it would have to be that men have an over inflated sense of what a folded dollar bill can buy.

Can you hear what I see?  Probably not…


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