Drugstore Blowjob Bowl
Since I wanted my Super Bowl prediction to stand out from the rest, I thought what better way than porn, drugs and a Hasselbeck!
I hereby predict that Matt Hasselbeck and Jon Kitna will attend a religious porn festival. Fumbling will happen and the gift of tongues will ensue…Elizabeth Hasselbeck will appear and her presence alone…will cause the Steelers to lose by 13.
I call it the Hassle Factor.
I’m also predicting that if the Drugstore Cowboy author (James Fogle) is ever arrested again, it will be for knocking off a drugstore…
I further predict that a Drugstore Cowboy sequel will be made. Joaquin Phoenix will play the role of Matt Dillion’s Bob Hughes, because Kelsey Grammer turned the gig down.
Predictions sure are difficult to predict.
Who could have predicted that Jordan would be so much better than Sam Bowie? How could we have known that Clinton’s blow job investigation would cost $40 million dollars? Who knew that the FCIC investigation would only require $8 million dollars, to tell us that the Bush Depression was avoidable?
Who? Why…how? What?
Sam Bowie, Jordan…Iraq, WMD’s…JPMorgan Chase and Hasselbeck.
WTF?
Predictions are guesses. Advice is free. If you’ve got an addiction to porn, don’t look to me. Skip Monica Lewinsky, have a light snack…call on Jon Kitna and Matt Hasselbeck!
100 Years of Reaganomics
After what seems like 100 years of failed Reagan hero-worship economics…all we have to show for it are the endless wars against common sense and the working class. They call it thank you in China.
The wars on drugs, skin color and free thinkers will never end. Because this is the way the Koch Brothers want it.
Throw in our forgotten wars on the rest of the world and we not only get another day older…but we also get somewhere around 14 trillion dollars in debt. The company store does indeed own most of our souls. 
Ronald Reagan is looked upon by some, as the best actor to ever have slept his way free of Hollywood. Others, think Ronald was a God-like figure who saved the world from Jimmy Carter, while bringing peace and prosperity to the rest of us.
The truth of course, is always stranger than what falls out of Glenn Beck’s ass.
For those of us who grew up on the strike lines, government cheese and powdered milk…we know what Reagan was all about. For the brown-skinned humans of Central America and here in the pre-Homeland…they know even more so what Reagan was all about.
Today we can blame Reagan for pretty much the entire downfall of mankind. Ronald was no clown, he was just the masthead in the final chapter, of the corporate takeover that would become the Homeland. If Jimmy Carter had been president for four more years…Karl Rove would be a sex slave for the Saudi Royal family.
Oh wait…yeah that’s right. Never mind.
Thanks to the Reagan years, Rove lived up to everything we think he is today. The Bush legacy is retarded but strong, Clinton is nothing but a footnote in the profit margins of Wall Street and Obama is the war fighting, Nobel Peace Prize winner that George W. could never pronounce.
My Homeland is only a product of what we’ve allowed it to be. Our Congress is so full of pandering whores for the wealthy, I almost wish I could afford to ride one.
Our environment is killing us, but not before we kill it first.
Big Oil is almost as big as the Pentagon’s contractors.
Homeland Security wants to wall and drone you in, because there’s no money to be made in just getting along with people. 
We’re no Egypt and we’re certainly no Sweden, but since they work for us, maybe we should be a bit more like some of our employees and a little less like the Army of Walmart.
Policing the world only works if your shit don’t stink. I defy you to unplug your nose, turn off the Glee and take a deep breath. That isn’t freedom your smelling, it’s the stench of Reagan’s rotting corpse…nourishing the corporatocracy.
If you’ve read this far and still wonder what happened to Debra Wilde?
Go here.
If you’re still angry at Jimmy Carter, calm down and praise be…because Terry Bradshaw has made up with Ben Roethlisberger!
Well that was fun. Tainting Reagan AND using Tennessee Ernie Ford for my own Libertarian/Socialisty/Marxisty tomfoolery in one post? It’s even more fun than a drunken binge with Sarah Palin, at Peabody’s in Coeur d’Alene!!
The good news is, 100 years of Reaganomics is only about 11 years
to a dog.
Email from Cairo
We only want to spread democracy where we can use force and Halliburton. Then we send in the Starbucks troops to finish the survivors off.
This is why what’s occurring in Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Jordan and Saudi Arabia…scares the living shit out of the Obama administration. None of it is going quite as planned. The people are standing up against our puppets…it’s just that simple.
The pro Mubarak-Obama Homeland forces, have begun to push back harder. But it’s not going to be enough, the people have spoken.
Code Pink is in Cairo, because they don’t care who wins the Super Bowl…God I miss active humans like them…
I’m forwarding an email from Cairo, where Medea and several others are hold up in a cafe…watching the events unfold around them. Hopefully we’ll hear more from them soon…and have removed email addresses and other names etc.
Please Post!
Linda and all,
Medea, Jace, Billy, Felice and 6 others are holed up in an internet cafe as the pro Mubarek and anti Mubarek factions fight and hurl stones at each other in Tahir square and the side streets. Windows are being boken, bloodied people are being hualed off as 30 years of pent up anger and frustration are vented. It is believed by many Egyptians the internet was intentionally turned off until the pro Muberak people rallied and then attacked the very peaceful controlled anti Mubarek people ant then it was turned out just before the outbreak to make it look like there has always been this chaos. In reality the thousands and milllions of pro democracy peopl;e have been very disciplined, peaceful, intentional and united in their message and presence of dissent against the brutal dictatorship and regime of Mubarek.
The ebb and flow in and out of the streets continues, it’s been going on for almost 2 hours now. The metall door is pulled down over the internet and the Egyptians in the cafe are upstairs laying low. there are several internationsal in here, one man has been trying to video from a slat under the door.
We are told that it’s 20/1 anti Muberak but today we were told the pro Muberak people paid to have people in the streets.
There is a loll now but we still hear shouting.
Time for the World to step up and support these brave people who want freedom and justice.
They feel it is now or never and are working very hard and being so courageous to ensure that their children will have the peace they deserve.
Thank you for passing this info to whomever
Do Not Question the Answer Givers
Not questioning authority, just air travel.
Questioning authority forces authority to lie. See the City of Tacoma, the Seattle fusion center and your US Army. It seems that when we and John Mellencamp fight authority, authority always wins. In Mellencamp’s case, he got rich, got the girl, a huge pink house and never left Lake Monroe.
When we fight authority, we get loads of awesome stuff on teevee to watch and FEMA Camps to house the disaffected political party sheeple, that self-identify with whichever party is not in “power” at that particular 2 year cycle. 
See the ICE FEMA Camp in Tacoma for more. Or tune in to Al Jazeera on your local cable teevee network for even more…oh that’s right, Egypt, Tunisia and your Homeland are not exactly thrilled with networks that question authority. Try the Disney Channel instead.
Depressions lead to corporate sponsorship. It’s funny because it’s true!
Washington State Parks are out of coherent thinkers and money, just like Idaho State Parks. Washington State is looking to close parks and raise about 300 dollars per year, by implementing an entrance fee. Idaho is looking at using “tasteful” corporate sponsorship, for everything from toilet paper to logo affixed flora and fauna.
One does not have to look far or wide, to fix the problems with our parks. Using the Teabanger theory of smaller government with more weaponry, is probably the best way to proceed.
I say we bring in the Koch Brothers, Bechtel, Boeing, BAE Systems and Honeywell to fix our financial troubles…that only started to occur when a black Democrat was elected.
Capitalism! Ridding our state parks of meddlesome state governments, by bringing in the drone warfare makers to better our lives…by spying on us. Why the hell not.
The Homeland is a scary and violent place. There’s bombs in Spokane and 3000 newkular bombs in Silverdale…and Homeland Security needs to keep an eye on people like me…and the rest of you too. See Tacoma, or just look up.
Do not question Obama’s Health Scare reform. It was a gift to corporate America, not a Cuban missile-like health care project. If we wanted to be happy, healthy and educated, we wouldn’t live here.
Not questioning authority, allows the Seattle Times to tell you that Boeing cheats less than Airbus…so this of course makes America number 1. Questioning authority, can bring down CIA dictators and their Mitchell and Jessen led torture regimes.
Let’s try watching Egypt, instead of American Idol.
Freedom is indeed still not free. So for the sake of the Koch Brothers profits…do not question the answer givers.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Wilde SpokaCowles
I tried to ignore Debra Wilde’s wild ride into Latah Creek, but being that no one has found the Spokane bomb placer as of yet…I consider it my duty to somehow blame the Cowles family.
For Debra’s creek driving…not the bomb.
Having encountered/purchased some really poor quality video in Spokane…I know that the video Q6 shot of the Wilde rescue was shot in “Cowles mode”. This is the mode used to defame, embarrass, and or “harass” those who dare remember the Randy, Debra, Daniels and Patricia McCrae debacle known simply as stupid. So I’ll go ahead and link to my other favorite Cowles outlet instead.
Suffice to say, one should probably not drive while intoxicated anywhere near Latah Creek–or spiteful Q6 camera jockeys. We probably shouldn’t do many things. Like fight Obama’s war crimes for Bush, or use Jägermeister on our pancakes…but we do.
There are many old Debra Wilde stories to tell. Unfortunately, trying to remember them only unleashes my repressed Dan Kleckner nightmares…due to having witnessed Dan half-naked at Clear Lake Resort…far too many times. I say, let us read what Debra knows and then let’s all eat some Jägermeister infused pancakes and try to forget my memories of Kleckner in shorts. *Most recent and awesome update!* Sadly – the above linked Debra Wilde article – in the ‘overly pretty and out of touch Spokane Coeur D’ Alene Living magazine’, has been scrubbed from the internets. Contact them if you must know what Debra knows.
*Recent update number three! Because number two seems so personal. My secret contact at the Spokesman who is not Doug Clark…informed me that Debra has confirmed almost everything I origionally said about Cowles Media and The Inlander. Almost. Thanks and go Denver!*
If I could, I’d send you all over to the Inlander to read a witty article about Deb’s driving while Cowles impaired. Sadly, being that the Inlander has yet to hire me away from my Jägermeister infused pancakes…I wish you good luck with that.
Can I mention Nadine Woodward here? Good.
Remember peoples, most marijuana smokers don’t drive while drunk. They sleep, laugh, and snack a bit, then learn some new skills in prison for having dared enjoyed the terrorist weed.
Be Vigilant Spokane, or your news will be dispensed by just one voice.
Now enjoy some STP and have a fine Air Force day.
How Many Times Must Raffi Sing It?
Come on humans!! Raffi has been trying to enlighten the primordial slushy that our brains swim in…by singing about earth friendly stuff for about 40 years now! And still…still, we must buy any Miley Cyrus brand thong that her dad and Walmart tell us we need.
The Cyrus thongs are cheaper to produce, ship and sell, than offering a decent health care policy for about 500,000 Walmart employees…so you know, I can see where the Supreme Court would want to endorse the Cyrus thongs over the working class. 
I’m not sure I remember Raffi warning us about Walmart or Cyrus thongs in any of his older songs…but I’m certain he did in spirit. Go here and read Raffi’s words, since we obviously never got his message when he sang it.
While Raffi is probably pretty safe up in Canada, I’m certain he’d be on several watch and or no-fly list’s of our gloriously paranoid Homeland of today. Hopefully that makes about 27 of my readers in Virginia
very sad.
Meanwhile…back in President Obama’s Crawford, Afghanistan is going great! Thanks for asking! The draw down of our troops from Afghanistan, will begin this summer, right after most of them move into Pakistan and Yemen. The 36,000 troops set to deploy just before the official draw down commences, is just the progressive way of not really drawing anything down…other than what’s left of our attention span.
I’d say that someone should call the FBI and have them look into our never-ending war crimes for profit…but that would be stupid. Stupid by a factor of about 40,000 times.
How many times must Raffi sing it? I’m afraid only Janet Napolitano knows the answer to that.
“Some say the end is near.”
Patience Needed
Patience is a virtue. Sadly, our virtue only comes in at a 2 out of a possible 745…because I prefer to use the Ted Haggard scale of virtuousness.
Jordan, Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Pakistan and Charlie Sheen are all on the brink of a people’s revolution. Here in the Homeland, we’re on the brink of some people’s couch…which drives us to care about Charlie Sheen’s revolution, instead of who Todd Palin isn’t nalin.
We are however, really close to readjusting our cojones, while simultaneously fondling Wall Street’s frijoles. I’ll give us that much, because I do know that some couches can be really uncomfortable. 
If the trillions for Wall Street, or the trillions for the multiple forgotten wars don’t screw us…Gallagher sure as hell will. If we’re not doing hard time for being stoned, then we’re probably shooting our kids in the head for being mouthy.
Guns, bullets and seat belts don’t kill people…apathy, sugar and patience do.
Screw patience. It’s all yours Duff!
