They Hate Us for Our Drexler
The FBI has thwarted another attempt to kill Christmas and everything that it stands for, because the Jihadists hate that the Trail Blazers never got Clyde what he needed.
You can blame the Jihadists, I blame Jake O’ Donnell…though I should probably be blaming Chris Dudley.
Young Mohamed Mohamud was angry about our wars against Islam, the dead brown-skinned families of Vietghanistan and our Muslim President?…when in fact, he should have been angry with Chris Dudley. 
No one wants to see women and children blown to bits…while celebrating the beginning of the shopping season. However, worrying about women and children being blown to bits in any of our non-conforming territories…doesn’t buy Jr. a new Wii, iPhone or a conscience.
Young Mohamed Mohamud, hates that our Marines fear gay humans, more than they fear the deadly 9/11 pilots, that make up the mighty Taliban Air Force.
Young Mohamed Mohamud, hates that the hidden mushroom clouds of Bush, are now the hidden mushroom clouds of Obama.
Young Mohamed Mohamud, hates that the Pentagon is spending trillions on the never-ending wars and experimental superweapons, when the crafty enemy that can not be defeated, live in mud huts and have no idea what a New York even is.
I’m fairly certain that young Mohamed Mohamud, finds it quite amusing that Alaska’s gonorrhea rate is as out of control as Sarah Palin’s basal ganglia.
Like Chicago Bulls fans of old, the Jihadists do hate us for our Drexler, even though they should probably hate us for our Chris Dudley, Boeing and Jake O’ Donnell.
None of this surprises me more than the fact that Chris Dudley could have been the governor of Oregon. But you know…Chris could have practiced free-throws more often and your vasectomy could go horribly, painfully wrong…
The lesson to be taken away from all of this? Quite clearly it’s practice your free-throws and buy this shirt.
A DeLay in Justice leads to an Abramoff World
Or…a very happy Thanksgiving to the Chippewas, the Agua Caliente, the Mississippi Choctaws and the Louisiana Choctaws from…Tom Delay! Because Tom is as guilty as a Tim Eyman funded, dental clinic for the working poor!
Tom is facing anywhere from 2 years behind the counter in an Austin, Texas Starbucks…to 9 years making millions, while lobbying for TSA’s next terrorist probing machines to be located in libraries, colleges and polling places located in predominantly not white neighborhoods.
It really is a Tom DeLay-Jack Abramoff kind of world, where Tim Eyman and Leonard Peltier can only hope to breathe freely in it.
This year we don’t have Sarah Palin campaigning in front of the turkey slaughter to laugh at, but at least we still have Vietghanistan to ignore…North Korea to abhor and the CNN warning of the shock, while pining for the awe.
Thanks for the DeLay now pass the Tier 5 and eat the rich.
Escondidostan
A CIA Droning is Next
Dateline Escondido, California…a neighborhood, a gardener and a terrorist bomb factory. Proof positive that your TSA and Homeland Security are just whistling past the graveyard of democracy.
Billions upon billions of dollars spent every year, grabbing your crotch, reading your email, hunting “illegal’s” and infiltrating peace groups…all in a self-serving, corporate attempt to Kabuki you into giving the rich more tax breaks. 
More Homelandians are killed every day by a lack of health care, than any Langley employed underwear bomber ever trained for. Smoking, dental decay and french fries, kill more of us than any CIA trained-Iraqi pilot ever dreamed.
Escondido is to the Taliban as al Qaeda is to Odenton, Maryland.
Look for the terrorist threat level to rise to situation mauve or so…as WikiLeaks has a brand new batch of war crimes ready to be ignored by the
TSA groped masses.
Wetsnatchee 911
Being that Bickleton, Washington just wrapped up ownership of one of the highly coveted, three signs of the Apatheticalypse…it makes perfect sense that Wenatchee, Washington would not sit still for this snubbing of epic proportion.
Enter…Wetsnatcheegate!
As a former resident of the area, I can assure you that Wenatchee is no Tacoma…while Tacoma is quite a bit like Wenatchee…which is why Wenatchee’s finest just tried to capture themselves some fornicators!
Wenatchee Police Sgt. Cherie Smith says, that they don’t want no prostitution nor sexin’ in their city…so they went and set themselves up a sex trap! 5 men were apprehended in the act of wanting to both improve the local economy and get themselves some dirty, dirty sexin’.
Unfortunately for the uptight Sgt. Smith, the 5 horny men were taken to the Chelan County Regional Justice Center. 
Now as most folks who live near Wetsnatchee know…the horny 5 will be getting laid more in jail than they could have, had Sgt. Smith actually provided a prostitute for them.
The moral of this story is, you can take the aroma out of Tacoma, but you really can’t take the Condotta out of Wetsnatchee.
No…I think the lesson learned is that Dino Rossi lost.
Three times.
To women.
pfft.
Three Signs of the Apatheticalypse
Iraqi Father and Son after Dissenting the Homeland
As the Homeland continues its steady slide towards the exact opposite of anarchy, the glorious TSA, a subdivision of your glorious Department of Homeland Security…which is itself a subdivision of Boeing and GE…has gone and reminded us that Ralph Nader tried to warn you.
Faced with thousands of peoples just starting to figure out that Bush fucked things up…the TSA is threatening to detain and or fine any Homelandian who refuses to submit.
The Patriot Act was asked to comment, but as it’s very busy gearing up the TSA detention camps for dissenters, the Patriot Act referred any and all questions regarding freedom, profit and crotch searches to Representative Norm Dicks.
Since most of you are sitting in a ditch somewhere this snowy Monday…cursing the unmanned and untaxed infrastructure…lets take a peek at those three signs of the Apatheticalypse!
Sign number one. We know that the Apatheticalypse is near, because not unlike ourselves, 92 percent of the occupied Afghanis polled had no idea why the Iraqi’s flew those planes on 9/11. When polled further, 100 percent of the 92 percent of the occupied Afghanis polled, had never heard of New York City…but were certain that the CIA and Norm Dicks were involved in their having been occupied.
Sign number two of the Apatheticalypse? Bickleton, Washington!! 
Bickleton used to be home to several over-related white families who loved blue birds, but hated the environment and windmills. Today Bickleton is still white, over-related and blue bird friendly, but it absolutely loves the environment and the money the windmills brought to town. Bickleton also graduates 100 percent of her students and sends over 90 percent of them to college.
Unfortunately, 98 percent of the college educated Bickletonites, also have no idea why the Iraqi’s flew those Afghani jets on 9/11 either.
Which brings us to sign number three of the Apatheticalypse, the Pope!
Pope Benedict has now decided that condoms are okely dokely okay for male prostitutes. I’ll give you a Bickleton minute…to come to grips with the fact that the Pope, condom wearing male prostitutes and Bickleton’s Taliban, are all interrelated and tied together by the fact that your Homeland needs to fondle the crotches of you and your children…because freedom isn’t free and the mission is not quite accomplished as of yet.
Money for Nothing
…and your wars for free!
Gay TSA agents grabbing the patriotic crotches of the Homeland’s people…black presidents…women wanting equal pay and the right to vote…I mean come on! What’s next, affordable health care and a good education?
Today’s fact filled quote…of why everything is indeed, the way everything is…we get to hear from Todd Harrison, a 
defense funding expert at the Center for Strategic and Budgetary Assessments.
“I don’t think anyone is seriously talking about cutting war funding as a way of handling the deficit.”
Of course they’re not Todd.
The Cabo Wars
You know, goddammit, just when you thought the Homeland would get all safe, sane and ‘conservativy’ again…the GOP and it’s inbred Teabanging cousins, went and spoke out loud.
Joni Balter from the Seattle Times, is a third kissin cousin removed from the quitter from Wasiller. This is important to remember, just in case Joni ever editorializes you pansy airline customers, to just shut the fuck up and do as you’re told. Yes, you’ll have to actually click the link to read Joni’s words of patriotic poppycock.
After reading Joni’s phallic editorial, I was left wanting something just a tad less phallic. Lucky for me, it wasn’t long before the President of Texas went and waved his soft tool of secessionism in the air and declared that it was about time for us to invade Mexico!! 
President Perry went on to say that according to those in the know, there appears to be smoking guns and mushroom clouds in the shape of Mexicans down there…and perhaps all we need to do is spread some Democracy down Cabo’s way, rid it of the brown-skinned evildoers and place Sammy Hagar in charge of the whole God forsaken
place.
Que Sorpresa!!
Today’s post of patriotic war-like stuff, was brought to you by Rapiscan’s Michael Chertoff , progressive Democrats and Cabo Wabo Tequilia!
