A Swedish Condom
This just in! The CIA says Julian Assange has fornicated his way into some secret vagina, without a condom…in Sweden! Obviously, Julian hates America.
According to Scotland Yard, the unmitigated gall of Julian’s penis must not stand on its own.
When reached around for comment on the escapades of Julian’s WikiMember, AIPAC denied any knowledge of this WikiLeaks that we speak of. AIPAC further denies having leaked any of the Iranian leaks that have found their way to this…mysterious WikiLeaks of antisemitism, that we’ve never heard of…and have no knowledge of.
In Portland, Oregon FBI officials deny any relationship exists between…the groundbreaking of their new $50 million office/JTTF internment camp for entrapped Muslims, or their having not saddled Bruce and Joshua Turnidge with the words Terrorist, Jihad or Yemen…because they’re allegedly, just racist Christian cop killers.
Besides, Muslim teenagers and attorneys are far more deadly. Because the Patriot act tells us so…
So if I’ve had enough freedom coffee this morning…I gather that we’re to believe that 1. The Escondito bomb factory is not terror, it’s just poor decision-making. 2. Hillary now regrets working for the CIA and 3. we must also buy that The Assangenator, is now more deadly than our former ally Osama bin Laden? 
Well dang Beavis, that’s more than a mouthful…but if there was anything left to safely lock away in Al Gores lock box, I’m thinking it would have to be that Sweden is about as neutral, as President Obama is a Democrat.
Now you know why Jamie Dimon pays fewer taxes than you do. He’s a state sponsored terrorist who hates your freedom.
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Strange Fruit of Conservativism
Newt Gingrich is the epitome of good Christian Republicans everywhere. He’s a lying, fornicating cheater, who’d say anything to get in your daughters pants, while attempting to ruin the Homeland by lining his pockets with gold. If Newt reminds you of Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin and Blackwater’s Erik Prince…you’d be a perceptive Homelandian.
Newt is calling for the end of the political left. I’m not sure which is more hilarious, the fact that Newt thinks the Obama-Republicrats are “left”, or that Newt keeps finding new women to fuck him, while his old wives are dying in bed.
Newt’s straight up pimpin!!
Therein lies the trouble with the Homeland. We’re a pretend Democracy, led by lying liars who’ll force their fake family values down your throat…while building a KKK snowman in their front yard. Newt and Palin are the Homelands poster twins of fake family values. 
Newt and Sarah are what you get, when a populace are glued to their couches of freedom, watching America’s Next Top Model/Chef/Dancer/Skater/Cleavage, and simply waiting on a winner. So it really should come as no surprise that we’ll buy whatever fornicators like Newt, Sarah or Kim Kardashian are selling.
This is why Bush and Karl Rove are still free to walk amongst the rich. It’s also why Obama is free to walk amongst the same folks…but my progressive friends at Democratic Underground, haven’t quite grasped this yet.
I say fuck Newt, if you’re into that kind of thing, then let’s elect Gordon Ramsay and Kim Kardashian and make them rulers of the earth.
The strange fruit of Conservatism.
Democrats are the conservatives of old, Republicans are the self-hating racists, hiding in the closets of the gay Teabangers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…except for the wars on life, the planet and common sense.
Take Olympia, Washington’s newspaper of record, conveniently named the Olympian, as to not confuse the slow readers of Thurston, County. The Olympian is a wonderful example of the horrific side effects of fluoridated water and the failure of Sarah Palin’s chosen field…journalism. The Olympian asks Governor Gregoire to stop waiting and to act on Washington State’s budget troubles.
The trouble with the Olympian and as it turns out…Tribbles, is that they fear contraception, the pretend left and have no use for getting at the truth. The Olympian demands that Governor Gregoire fix the budget by ignoring the really, really expensive and illegal wars against Islam, your Social Security and by never taxing the rich their fair share.
Strange fruit this Conservatism.
We can’t conserve anything by killing Muslims. There will be no conservation of the environment, because Monsanto is run by pretend leftists. Groping your child at the airport for bombs, AK-47’s and chemical weapons…only creates depressed children, who will one day hate us for watching so much teevee.
President Obama is so far above and beyond the level of the idiot Bush at being a Republican, that the GOP should be publicly fellating him, instead of hating him for his skin color. Obama is better at killing Muslims than W, he’s a better friend to the Pentagon, Boeing and Rapiscan than W. was. Hell…Obama even hates the non-existent and pretend left-wing of the Democrats!
If Bill of Rights rapists like Newt Gingrich get any more power, we might as well bow to the awesome cleavage of Palin, sit down on our couches of freedom and wait for the Erik Prince rapture for the rich.
“It’s called the American dream, because you have to be
asleep to believe it.”
The Assange Plame Rendition
First They Come for your Assange...
Julian Assange has back up plans, because he’s always expected to find himself renditioned to a black site…for having more cojones than J. Edgar Hoover in a dress.
We are a violent society that worships liars. When anything resembling the light of day starts shining on the graves of our misdeeds…look the fuck out.
We’ve known the extent of Obama’s culpability in George W Bush’s crimes for two years…now a few more of you know it too. Look no further than Cuba, Vietghanistan or Boeing’s front door, if you feel you need more.
The British are coming for Julian Assange, so the rest of the WikiLeaking of truth that is sure to follow, ought to be quite an eye opener for Malia and Sasha Obama.
You know what they say…if an Australian can be bound and gagged as a treasonous evil doer, so can Karl Rove.
I’m certain Valerie Plame thinks so too.
WikiLeak Wik Wik Wiki Wiki Wik!
With all apologies to my Hip-Hop friends…wik wik, wiki wiki wik, the world as we know it may end, not due to endless wars, torture or the crimes of Bush, Obama and Hillary…but due to truthiness escaping from a wik wik WikiLeak.
World…meet Carla Axtman. Carla, world, world Carla…now let us also meet Keith Thomson. Keith meet Carla. Carla, Keith…world…Keith…Carla…Keith.
Keith and Carla are two birds of a feather and when two birds get together, they usually tend to shit on something.
Carla fears that the man-child/FBI created terrorist from Corvallis, might be up to something because the FBI made it so. Keith is a pretend journalist from the Huffington Post and other useless progressive outlets, who believes that the truthiness slowly spewing from WikiLeaks, will somehow lead to world peace.
CIA's Mohamud
I can assure you Keith, BushBama, the Pentagon, Boeing and the various abbreviations of the Homeland…are not about to let peace break out. See Mohamed Mohamud in Portland for more…Keith.
Hillary says that the truthiness leaking from WikiLeaks is an attack on the world. Bill O’ Reilly says the truth leakers should be executed.
But you know Bill O’…Bush was tricked into blowing up 100’s of thousands of humans in Iraq, Vietghanistan, Pakistan and Cuba…by a CIA sting operation, just like the sting in Oregon.
Mohamud meet Bush.
Thanks for your concern Carla…Keith, but since the BushBama Doctrine is still fully erect and pounding away at the virginal flower that once contained your rights…well, your concerns are as relevant as North Korea is a threat.
In happier news…
- Julian Assange has some information on Bank of America that might be released, as soon as Keith Thomson says it’s okay.
- When asked about Valerie Plame, Hillary and Bill O’ both deferred to whatever it was that the Koch brothers attorneys might want them to say.
- Reading books in Spokane is getting more difficult than paying for a decade of war.
- Dental care in Portland? Not had by many and it’s more difficult to fund than an FBI sting operation.
Happy Tuesday and beware of eager humans offering to fund your Jihad. They tricked Bush, they tricked Mohamed Mohamud…they can trick you too.
It’s Like Clockwork
I love it when a plan comes together! Like clockwork and right on cue, the Palin has called the Australian Assange and his WikiLeaks of truthiness…unstoppable treasonous treachery, which Obama can not stop!??
Of course, like Portland Commissioner Dan Saltzman knows, the WikiLeaks only exists in the thin air of a foreign land, where the treachery is housed within the tubes and wires of the internets. It’s also a tad difficult to prove that a treason has been committed upon the Homeland…by an Australian, but this too shall be overlooked.
Let us recap!
Sarah Palin is a babbling idiot with a Twitter, yet she could be your next president. Portland City Commissioner Saltzman knows terror when he’s being fed terror…and zee terror must not stand!…therefore I move that Portland immediately rejoin the Joint Terrorism Task Force, becuase the rights of the peoples only exist in China. And stuff, and, and um, because it won’t be long until Israel starts bombing our nuclear scientists!!
Hey Oregon, keep an eye out for Capt. Timothy J. Block and those loose Bangor nukes on I-84, whilst simultaneously being vigilant for posts of FBI porn…on your Marxisty, Portland Independent Media Center. *Snooze you lose…the post of FBI porn has now gone the way of the CIA torture tapes*
The words of Saltzman may be mine, but the plan? She does work well, no?
Peace Sells
While the rest of Oregon deals with the terrorist stigma that the Federal Bureau of Irony has created…Portland is left between Iraq and a Federalized Police force place, to better attack the Black Bloc with.
As Mayor Sam Adams grapples with Police Chief Mike Reese, the public of PDX Town are left with nothing but a fun mental image and propaganda.
Add on to this mental image of grappling officials, about 200,000 tattooed and perpetually unemployed baristas…and you’ve got Portland…a 1992 Grunge-like Seattle, with a McMenamins brewery located in a former school on every block.
A Homeland education, poverty and beer. No better recipe for an FBI sting operation.
In news that should be even less surprising than FBI made terrorists, WikiLeaks has enraged the lying liars of the Homeland and beyond! Suffice to say, a few hundred patriots will scream traitor and off with Assange’s head!, while the rest of us will patiently wait for Festivus.
Boeing's Dicks
For a decent roundup on the latest crimes of our fathers and Hillary, go read Justin Raimondo’s take on it.
Then, for a fun circle jerk of a time, keep electing the capitulating Democrats who put us in these dark, Patriot Act days.
Perhaps we’d have more fun with a President Palin, or a Senator Joe Miller or some other closeted Teabanger. I mean come on! Really?…how hard can one dick push for Boeing instead of say impeachment, or the Bill of Rights? Norm? Patty? Dino…?
Oh well, I’m sure everything will work out fine, besides, it’s not like the Nukes at Bangor are going to be driven down I-5, or I-90…or even I-84, so that they can be upgraded to ensure the earths destruction or anything.
Maybe if we just ignore the treacherous WikiLeaks leakers of truthiness…maybe, just maybe, we will also not discover that Saudi Arabia’s 9/11 pilots, were able to morph themselves into AfhganiPakistanIraqIranian pilots…and then, we also won’t discover that the best friends of the House of Bush, have been financing al Qaeda to fight against our Blackwater mercenary Army, since oh I don’t know, Condi Rice?
Keeping up with the Garcia’s is hard enough, trying to keep up with all of the Homelands misdeeds…well, that’s just a bit much for my easily offended sensibilities. From here on out, I’m just going to blame Ralph Nader, instead of Al Gore or Joe fucking Lieberman…for everything.
No, the box will be locked...
Hazy Shade of Cheney
NK Evil Doer
It’s Sunday…do you know what a North Korean human looks like? No? It’s alright, Robert Mueller thinks they resemble poor, dark-skinned people from Somalia, Pakistan and Oregon, soooo you’re in good company. Patriot.
The Teabangers may be on to something. Now if they could only drop the racism, party affiliations and outright stupidity…maybe the rest of apathetic Homelandia would take notice?
If I had a dollar for every time Liz Cheney shit out a coherent thought, I’d be dirt poor and in the middle of an FBI sting operation…to try to make me blow shit up.
Remember patriots!, if I’m lyin, then WikiLeaks would be met with open arms and appreciative minions…for exposing the crimes of our fathers. Not threats of prosecution from the war criminals that fear we apathetic minions, might actually revolt.
Oh man…that is funny!
Change! It’s as if Chuck D was right.
