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Avatar: Where the Hell Was Kevin Costner?

January 4, 2010

So I saw Avatar. While there was no mention or even sighting of Kevin Costner in this movie…the Costner force was very strong with this film.

Yes, Avatar is a bit like The Postman all wrapped up in a Dances With Wolves sequel which sucks the wolves into a third dimension, where they are forced to watch Waterworld while longing for Tin Cup.

Once you get over your Costner deja vu, you are immediately struck with Robin Williams and Christian Slater deja vu. This is primarily due to the fact that Avatar is also exactly like re-watching FernGully for the 38th time.

Putting all things Kevin Costner aside, Avatar was a decent sci-fi flick with a message. This message will no doubt be lost on a large percentage of the movie going public.

Said message is as follows. Kevin Costner plays a handicapable ex-marine (injured in the wars in Venezuela and or Nigeria) turned mercenary (think Blackwater) who travels to our newest colony located on the planet Pandora.  Pandora is inhabited by nature-loving natives called Na’vi, (think Lakotah) who look and sound differently than ourselves. But “we” (crippled Costner) are immediately taken with them and want to help them/save them/be like them/have icky mammal intercourse with them/and just be accepted by…them.

That’s pretty much it.

What Avatar does do well, is it brings the geeks, the freaks, the teabaggers and the complicit moderate Democrat types together in one big theater of Capitalism…to cheer on the ultimate defeat of Corporate run America and her imperialism by the hands of the environmentally conscience, big blue Iraqi’s/Afghanis/Talibanis and…Kevin Costner.

The “of course it is” irony to this mixed message of world peace and all things Kevin Costner?  That would have to be that Avatar is brought to us by Rupert Murdoch and his 20th Century-Fox Film Corporation.  Better known to you and I as the News Corp and or Fox News.

That little factoid confirms everything I think I know about everything.

I think.

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