Archive for January, 2011

Wilde SpokaCowles

Posted in activism, apathy, change, Fun!, journalism, media, News, Northwest Politics, politics, Spokane, The Homeland, Washington State, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 31, 2011 by lens1

Cowles Free?

I tried to ignore Debra Wilde’s wild ride into Latah Creek, but being that no one has found the Spokane bomb placer as of yet…I consider it my duty, to somehow blame the Cowles family.

For Debra’s creek driving…not the bomb.

Having encountered/purchased some really poor quality video in Spokane, I know that the video Q6 shot of the Wilde rescue was shot in “Cowles mode”.  This is the mode used to defame, embarrass and or “harass” those who dare remember the Randy, Debra, Daniels and Patricia McCrae debacle, known simply as stupid.

So I’ll go ahead and link to my other favorite Cowles outlet instead.

Suffice to say, one should probably not drive while intoxicated anywhere near Latah Creek, or spiteful Q6 camera jockeys.  We probably shouldn’t do many things, like fight Obama’s war crimes for Bush, or use Jägermeister on our pancakes…but we do.

Tom Grant concurs

There are many old Debra Wilde stories to tell, unfortunately, trying to remember them only unleashes my repressed Dan Kleckner nightmares…due to having witnessed Dan half-naked at Clear Lake Resort…far too many times.

I say, let us read what Debra knows and let’s all eat some Jägermeister infused pancakes and try to forget my memories of Kleckner in shorts.

*Most recent and awesome update!*  Sadly – the above linked Debra Wilde article – in the overly pretty and out of touch Spokane Coeur D’ Alene Living magazine, has been scrubbed from the internets.  Contact them if you must know what Debra knows.

If I could, I’d send you all over to the Inlander to read a witty article about Deb’s driving while Cowles impaired…but being that the Inlander has yet to hire me away from my Jägermeister infused pancakes…I wish you good luck with that.

Can I mention Nadine Woodward here?  Good.

Remember peoples, most marijuana smokers don’t drive while drunk.  They sleep, laugh and snack a bit…then learn some new skills in prison for having dared enjoyed the terrorist weed.

Be Vigilant Spokane, or your news will be dispensed by just one voice.

Now enjoy some STP and have a fine Air Force day.


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How Many Times Must Raffi Sing It?

Posted in activism, apathy, change, environment, media, News, politics, The Homeland, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 30, 2011 by lens1

Come on humans!!  Raffi has been trying to enlighten the primordial slushy that our brains swim in…by singing about earth friendly stuff for about 40 years now!  And still…still, we must buy any Miley Cyrus brand thong that her dad and Walmart tell us we need.

The Cyrus thongs are cheaper to produce, ship and sell, than offering a decent health care policy for about 500,000 Walmart employees…so you know, I can see where the Supreme Court would want to endorse the Cyrus thongs over the working class.  

I’m not sure I remember Raffi warning us about Walmart or Cyrus thongs in any of his older songs…but I’m certain he did in spirit.  Go here and read Raffi’s words, since we obviously never got his message when he sang it.

While Raffi is probably pretty safe up in Canada, I’m certain he’d be on several watch and or no-fly list’s of our gloriously paranoid Homeland of today.  Hopefully that makes about 27 of my readers in Virginia
very sad.

Meanwhile…back in President Obama’s Crawford, Afghanistan is going great!  Thanks for asking!  The draw down of our troops from Afghanistan, will begin this summer, right after most of them move into Pakistan and Yemen.  The 36,000 troops set to deploy just before the official draw down commences, is just the progressive way of not really drawing anything down…other than what’s left of our attention span.

I’d say that someone should call the FBI and have them look into our never-ending war crimes for profit…but that would be stupid.   Stupid by a factor of about 40,000 times.

How many times must Raffi sing it?  I’m afraid only Janet Napolitano knows the answer to that.

“Some say the end is near.”


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Patience Needed

Posted in apathy, change, economy, journalism, media, News, Northwest Politics, politics, The Homeland, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2011 by lens1

Patience is a virtue.  Sadly, our virtue only comes in at a 2 out of a possible 745…because I prefer to use the Ted Haggard scale of virtuousness.

Jordan, Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Pakistan and Charlie Sheen are all on the brink of a people’s revolution.  Here in the Homeland, we’re on the brink of some people’s couch…which drives us to care about Charlie Sheen’s revolution, instead of who Todd Palin isn’t nalin.

We are however, really close to readjusting our cojones, while simultaneously fondling Wall Street’s frijoles.  I’ll give us that much, because I do know that some couches can be really uncomfortable.  

If the trillions for Wall Street, or the trillions for the multiple forgotten wars don’t screw us…Gallagher sure as hell will.  If we’re not doing hard time for being stoned, then we’re probably shooting our kids in the head for being mouthy.

Guns, bullets and seat belts don’t kill people…apathy, sugar and patience do.

Screw patience. It’s all yours Duff!


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Revolution! Donuts!

Posted in activism, apathy, change, economy, media, politics, seattle, The Homeland, Washington State, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 29, 2011 by lens1

The peoples are in the streets demanding change.  Demanding democracy.  Demanding representation, not corporate servitude.

Egypt today…Kansas tomorrow!

I just about got through that with a straight face.  We don’t revolt, we eat ourselves to death, cheer the flag and watch as much porn as we can, until the wife catches you.  You go to church on Sunday, pray for forgiveness and the death of all Muslim babies…then wait for the Tea Party to cut veterans benefits.

The Teabangers are able to read their morale compasses at least as well as the Obamabangers.  Both are currently lost in the woods of complicity and neither will make it out before Monsanto kills the rest of us to death.

Revolution!

Both the Teabaggers and the Obamabaggers are nuts.  They might as well take their unemployment lying down and eat a donut.  Or maybe even a doughnut?, and watch another season of exciting Mariners baseball!

When Bush was torturing, invading and occupying his way across the planet, the soon to be Obamabangers were livid.  Livid and so fit to be tied, they marched in several protest parades of no real change…then voted for change and took their Obama torture wars and went home.

When Bush was torturing, invading and occupying his way across the planet…he was also really busy ruining the economy for the next 3 or 4 generations…assuming they survive Monsanto.  There were no Tea Party protests.  There was no party of tea, until a black man became the better Bush.

Step away from the donuts and no one gets hurt!  Unless you live in Spokane, Seattle or anywhere else in the peace lovin’ Homeland.

Bush was one of the worst things to have ever occurred in the Homeland.  Obama is the better Bush.  I’m not sure why everyone is so confused?

Revolutions in Egypt, or here in the ever Napolitanoed Homeland of paranoia…do not make oil any cheaper.

A happy, gainfully employed populace with access to a decent, affordable education, health care, retirement with free porn and beer…well, let’s just say it’s too bad me and mines aren’t ruling
the world.

Revolution!  Donuts!  Or Doughnuts?!  Beer! and no Marijuana.


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Late Night Madness

Posted in apathy, change, journalism, media, News, Northwest Politics, politics, processed cheese intellect, The Homeland, Washington State, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 28, 2011 by lens1

Most horses hate the letter W.  Retarded horses however…

Hey it’s Friday night!  Why not enjoy some madness?  And please join me in welcoming some new DoD readers to the Lens…did Mitchell and Jessen send y’all?

Let’s jump in.

Bristol Palin…need I say more?  Yes, yes I must.  Bristol was all set to enlighten the kids at Washington U. with a $20 thousand dollar talk about abstinence and teen pregnancy.  Now she’s not.

Madness.

When I’m forced to dwell in madness, it’s usually because I’ve been drinking while reading about a Palin or the Bachmann.  Drinking and dwelling usually allows me to ponder the seasoned beef at Taco Bell…and its relationship with the Army and its lost VX nerve agent.  Since I haven’t eaten at a Taco Bell since I was like 8, I have no idea if there’s any relationship between the Army’s handling of earth ending nerve agents…or seasoned beef.

I do wonder, quite frequently, about the Army Anthrax attacks and the lost Air Force nukes…and what relationship they might share with Ashton Kutcher, or Taco Bell’s seasoned beef.

Wacky Wackenhut, no?

Perhaps we should just tax ourselves a ka-billion dollars and just give it to Tim Eyman.  This way, Tim can stop fucking with the seasoned beef eaters of Wenatchee and just move on and do something useful with his life.

Like buying East Wenatchee.  Yes, Tim should just buy East Wenatchee and move the Costco to Waterville.

The people will follow Tim, just lead them to Waterville.

Hasta mañana Homeland!


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Bachmann Turner Overdriven

Posted in apathy, change, journalism, media, News, Northwest Politics, politics, Spokane, The Homeland, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2011 by lens1

No it's Not!

CNN is reporting that the Bush league era, color-coded Homeland Security Advisory System, is about to be extraordinarily renditioned to a secret CIA torture site in Spokane, Washington.

Evidently, Spokane was chosen to house the old terrorist color coding system, because no one ever really pays attention to anything that occurs out there anyway.

I know it’s true, because CNN told me it was.

I think we need to take CNN seriously, as they’re the ONLY network to have brought you the magic that was the Michele Bachmann/Teabanging response, to the conservative Obama and his SOFTU address.  You should also take the Lens seriously, because I get most of my inside information from Henry Rolon…Custom and Border Protection’s acting assistant commissioner for public affairs.  Thanks Henry!

Sure my inside info on all things Homelandish is tainted.  But just like CNN and the media empire that owns Spokane, we all expect you to buy what we’re selling.  I’m no Ted Turner, but I have taken photos of Jane Fonda.  I’m no W. Stacey Cowles, but I have fought while drunk at Flaherty’s.  I don’t have the wherewithal to build a shopping mall out of lies and public funds, but I do miss the skywalk.

Many media outlets of the Homeland are pushing the Homeland approved agenda.  So when you hear that Glenn Beck believes the Cowles media empire to be at least as sound as Prosecutor Steve Tucker’s golf game…you’ll know you should be reading the Inlander.

Like the CIA/Fairchild torture school, located by the ancient Kalispel hunting grounds and their Airway Heights casino…CNN has foisted Michele Bachmann upon you as if she were a Palin.  This of course allows the Cowles Review/Tucker show, to then make the news and report on it as if it were real.

It’s all a bit like a vacation at a Mitchell and Jessen torture motel.

Like Chris Peck used to say…I haven’t had enough coffee to tie all this shit together for you…so make sure you watch Q6 News between 0430 and 0700, or 1700 and 1730, or 1800 and 1830, or 2300 and 2335 for more!!

I think we’ve all just been Bachmann, Turner Overdriven.

SOTU said GTFOH then STFU and left with OPP

Posted in activism, apathy, change, journalism, media, News, Northwest Politics, politics, Washington State, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2011 by lens1

Yes, it’s the Vigilant Lens report back on the State of the Union Address!  God help us all.

Many stupid things were alluded to, many things were ignored and Michele Bachmann was allowed on your teevee.

I find that Michele is far more entertaining to watch…as I think she actually believes what she’s saying.  She’s a bit like Gump, with a touch of Rain Man…all wrapped up in a Clinton.

And my readers in Virginia think I’m nuts?

Anyway, President Obama’s SOFTU was everything I’d heard it could be.  It was long, it ignored the Depression and the really-really fucking expensive Bush wars that are now Obama’s and we still have no idea how fabulously poisoned the wine is that comes from anywhere near Tri-Cities Washington.

The SOFTU was all GTFOH! and STFU! and then the President left us with some OPP, which would be Bachmann, for those of you playing along at work.

Remember, the wars are free and are being brought to you by GE, Boeing and Comcast/NBC Universal…because you thought FOX News was full of shit.

Jesus, what’s next?  Border Patrol Agents calling for the legalization of plants?

Yeah you know the Homeland!  (add NBC/Comcast laugh track here)


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Olympia Without the Beer Factory

Posted in apathy, change, economy, media, News, Northwest Politics, olympia, politics, Spokane, The Homeland, torture, Washington State with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2011 by lens1

On Monday, having spent far too long wandering the Capitol grounds in Olympia, it became painfully apparent that the place was about as useful as the empty Olympia brewery was…when it was open.

The free-flowing waters of the Deschutes River once made Oly Beer what it was.

Strangely enough, I realized during my visit with our Washington State Legislature, that they too tasted like the slow-witted foothills above Centralia.

It’s the water alright.

Clean Centralia Coal/Beer

In getting back to reality, I think we can blame the various insanities that infect our Homeland, on our many watered down beers that get their distinctive flavors from slow-witted water sources…just like the bass-ackwards Deschutes River, which flows ass-backwards from the hills above Centralia, Washington.

Bradley Manning has been tortured for months now…because he has no known association with Julian Assange.  PFC Manning is one of the only members of the entire armed services, to have recalled that he is not to follow illegal orders.

Private Manning is also not the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, because there is no room at the top for a human with a conscience.  There is no need for a General that can differentiate between al Qaeda and the CIA…or the FBI from John Towery, or John Towery from the Army, or even the Army from John Towery’s Social Security number.

We’ve been torturing POW’s to death via the CIA and a few Oly Beer drinking idiots, for longer than Todd Palin has allegedly been banging his masseuse.  Much, much….muchmuchmuch longer.

The antiwar movement of Prius drivers that once opposed the Bush Wars, are still pretty much in agreement that the Obama Wars don’t count.  Prius drivers!  Saving the planet…one co-op trip at a time…while simultaneously ignoring the Obama wars against, well, pretty much everything.

The Spokane bomb?  Also not connected to the CIA’s psychopathic duo of torture: Mitchell and Jessen…just as the torture school in Airway Heights is in fact related to Mitchell, Jessen, the CIA , maybe some bombs and possibly a Prius or two.

A shitty homeland beer…laced with the dim-witted flavored water, that once flowed freely from the over logged hills above Centralia…is indeed directly related to anything I haven’t already mentioned.

It’s kind a sorta like Olympia without its beer factory.
Or America without its Posse Comitatus.
It’s Nirvana!


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Aryans Don’t Kill People, Ricky Gervais Does

Posted in activism, apathy, change, journalism, media, News, Spokane, The Homeland, Washington State, Washington State Blogs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2011 by lens1

If you’re like me, you too missed out on watching the Golden Globes and instead…spent the last several days waiting for the Aryan Nations to condemn bombs and terrorism…

Well, the Aryans have indeed just condemned bombs and terrorism, especially any bombs or terrorism that may have occurred in Spokane, Washington.  The Aryans also took a moment to condemn Ricky Gervais and his awful performance at the Golden Globes“We may be racist Nazis who vote for Rand Paul….but those jokes about Scientology, Charlie Sheen and Robert Downey Jr. were just…disappointing to say the least.”  “You know, there’s just no place in today’s society for the angry rhetoric that Mr. Gervais spewed forth the other night.”

I think I may be at a loss for words.

Somebody should have told me there’d be days like these.


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