Define Terrorism
When you hear the words terrorism or terrorist, what first comes to mind? Who first comes to mind?
Why is that?
Your Homeland and it’s media has done an excellent job.
If you feel a bit propagandized, you should. Try reading this for a quick, down and dirty lesson on terrorism.
Terror is as terror does. I can think of many humans all over the world, who think that we Americans are terrorists. Think of almost any nation, that has had the honor of having many visits from our CIA…followed by invasions, torture and decades of occupation.
Think KKK, The Palin’s, cops shooting black, unarmed men 50 times, or our wonderful penal system. Oklahoma City? Joseph A. Stack III, flying his plane into the Federal building in Austin? The war on drugs and Mexicans? Asotin, Washington Tea Baggers who want to hang Sen. Patty Murray? Your K Street Congress?
A mind is a terrible thing to waste. But it hurts less, if you just swallow everything you’re spoon fed.
Level 69 Water Poisoning Alert
The water supply in the tiny town of Asotin, Washington, is so tainted with lead and fecal material, that the State of Washington has declared a state of emergency…and implemented a level 69 water poisoning alert. There are usually only 5 levels to the state’s water poisoning alert system, so at level 69, you know the humans who drink tea in Asotin, Washington…are pretty fucking stupid.
For more on this breaking story…go here.
There are reasons for everything. God put Chuck Norris on this earth to prove that evolution is a lie. God put Asotin, Washington on Highway 129 and the entrance to Hells Canyon, because it seemed like the safest place to hide it at the time.
Remember my fellow peoples of the Homeland, there are a handful of angry Muslims in mud huts, somewhere “over there,” who want to hurt us because we killed their children, spouses and parents. Then we have places like Asotin and the Lewis and Clark Tea Party Patriots, who want to hang Senator Patty Murray…
A trillion dollars spent on fake wars sure seems silly, when most of the worlds evil…lives right next door.
Pilgrims ate the Dinosaurs
How do we know this? Because Texas says so…and because the Flinstones prove it.
Stunning news, yes?
Since we now know the Pilgrims walked with, devoured and put an end to the existence of the dinosaurs, can we just go-ahead and nuke the world? That way, not only can we take credit for starting the Rapture, we can also claim that the Rapture was made with good ol American know how, union free labor, minimum wage, zero benefits and who needs vacation time and retirement…it’s the fucking Rapture!
Thanks Texas. Y’all sure are cute.
Extraordinarily Doocy’d
As I hear it, this is the new term given to those poor humans unfortunate enough to be kidnapped, then shipped off to a black site for a spot of tea and a back rub. Patriots like shriveled Dick Cheney used to call this, ‘Enhanced Interrogation.’ I’m glad the CIA is able to laugh at themselves. It’s very cathartic.
“Poor chap, I hear he got Doocy’d”
Speaking of being Doocy’d, fresh off his win of the coveted Palin Condom of Stupidy…the Virgin edition, The Doocy and his teleprompter of freedom, are now telling us that John Mellencamp is an evil doing member of the left wing conspiracy, out to expose Fox News and the Doocy, for the non-stop infomercial passed off as news that they are.
That’s kind of like calling Sarah Palin and all of her children, retarded. Or John McCain, coherent.
Remember Homelandian’s, when Fox Infotainment or other fake news outlets like ABC’s “This Week” with Dick Cheney, tell you that John Mellencamp is left of Stalin and right of Bloomington…that would be your clue, that John Mellencamp would be far better for Indiana and the Homeland, than Big Pharma’s Bayh, being Doocy’d by the CIA or Fox Infotainment…ever dreamed of being.
You can take that to the bank, if your bank still exists.
Who’s your Momma? Hoosier Bayh, That’s Who.
Not since Larry Bird flipped Coach Knight the ‘bird‘ and went to Indiana State, has the nation paid so much attention to Indiana.
Sure there’s been…ummm, Letterman and aaahhhhh, Mellencamp, yes Mellencamp! But that’s about it.
So Senator Evan Bayh is taking his toys and his 13 million dollar campaign war chest, and going home. The remaining Democrat in Lobbyist Central in the Senate, is really not that concerned. He’s about the only Democrat left in the Senate and is used to going it alone. Hey Sen. Franken, wass up?
The pretend hand wringing from Rahm Emanuel and his dirty Chicago political connections, centers around the previously mentioned 13 million dollars, and the trouble that is Baron Hill.
Easy solutions, liberal ideals and Rahm Emanuel, have never actually met. If Rahm were to actually meet an easy solution to the conservative cluster fuck he has created…he’d probably have a Blackwater team snuff it out.
Anyway, being all about easy solutions and pissing off the K Street owned, Democrat-less led Congress, how about you Hoosiers hire a man of the people? Bring in John Mellencamp, he is a Hoosier and apparently, John thinks humans are all equal, believes in God, is already rich and is in a band.
I’d move back to Monroe County just to witness that.
The 13 million dollar’s burning a hole in Bayh’s and Emanuel’s pockets? Give 12 million of it to Rupert’s Kids, and three million to The Vigilant Lens. Hey man, It’s not easy having to clear all this shit up for you people.
Besides, being that my math skills having been taught to me in rural Indiana, appear to be a tad bit suspect…I’d use some of the money to buy an accountant.
Problem solved, you’re welcome Indiana.
The Palin Awards, the Virgin Birth
Better known as the first installment of the Palin Condom of Stupidity. The award given for comments so stupid, that if the comment is not rewarded…it would be downright Pavlovian Homelandian of me.
Today’s winner is…Steve Doocy!
When Steve is able to dislodge his nose for news from the anus of the power elite, or assholes of the power elite, he can be found reading the teleprompter of freedom at Fox News!?
Steve’s winning, news-like phrase? ‘All of the people who try to blow up airplanes look alike.’
Thanks Steve, it’s sad little children like you, that prove intelligent design is a lie. Ironically enough, you also prove that evolution is a miracle.
Enjoy your Palin Condom of stupidity, Steve. It’s sized super Doocy small, just for you.
Blowing Clinton
Well it had to happen. Si? No?
Fresh off the heels of the still not imprisoned Dick Cheney and his chortling of all things terroristy…we get yet another blow job.
Hillary Clinton is warning us that Iran is moving towards a military dictatorship. But be forewarned citizens of the Homeland!, Hillary is warning you about the Iranian military dictatorship. Not, I repeat NOT, any other Homeland that you may resemble.
The CIA nor the Revolutionary Guard could be reached for comment.
The Pentagon, the NSA, the FBI, Robert “Iran/Contra” Gates, the Border Patrol, the DEA, the DOD, the DIA, U.S. Marshals, our various military installations across the globe, no defense corporations or any of our U.S. Military Commands…had anything to add.
Would it not just be easier and quicker, to hand over one or two WMD’s to Iran…and get it over with? Hell there’s several thousand of em just west of Seattle. I’m sure we could spare one or two to get the next war for Boeing and Lockheed off and running. Si? No?
