A Natural Progression
After sleepy, the natural progression for many of we the Patriot Acted…is to circle the wagons and vote for who you think might be the lesser of about 15 different evils.
Maintaining the empire sure ain’t easy!
The original evildoers used to be known as anyone John Wayne pretended to murder. Now they’re known as Iran. Lined up just behind Iran are the humans who live in Yemen, Vietghanistan, Somalia, Mexico, Spencer Ackerman’s Pakistan, Central and South America, North Korea, Russia, China, Asotin, Washington, the relatives of the 9/11 victims, your school district, and We the Patriot Acted/NDAA’d…along with the remnants of Iraq and anyplace else ever mentioned by Chuck Norris.
Obviously, Chuck Norris doesn’t know shit about the Keystone XL Pipeline. And I’m willing to gamble that most of us know as much about pipeline safety and profit margins…as Todd Palin is a fan of Michigan basketball. 
Combining Chuck and Todd’s knowledge of pipeline safety and the Constitution, leads us to John Yoo – and his knowledge of Glen Rice.
John Yoo may not know much about Glen Rice, but John sure as hell thinks we should be attacking Iran. Like six years ago.
Normally, I’d say that this just might be a good time to start worrying about something other than voting. 2009 in Iran, saw three million humans hit the streets to protest their votes not being counted. Just yesterday, here in the Homeland – about 256 million of us rolled over and farted on our spouses.
Oh the natural progression!
In a semi-decent world, our natural progression would lead us to use Guantanamo for criminals like John Yoo and Liz Cheney. As it is, we can barely evolve past how much butter to fry our Hormel laden
SPAM in.
I guess it’d be swell if we had 2/16’s the natural progression that those 3 million protesting Iranian humans had. But, one shouldn’t argue the logic behind blaming Ralph Nader and Katie Couric…for the knowledge of Chuck Norris and Todd’s Palin.
Perhaps I could talk a Koch brother into financing my desire to just drink away the remainder of our NDAA days? Rendition me to the Mala Ocean Tavern in Maui, where Al Yankovic, Steven Tyler and Alice Cooper can serenade me and mines…until we could care less.
See below for more. Or see above for less.
Unrest in the Forest
Leon Trotsky once said: “Fascism is nothing but capitalist reaction.”
Leon always reminds me of a short Canadian who once said: “And the trees are all kept equal By hatchet, axe and saw.”
When short Canadian’s and Leon Trotsky invade my thoughts…I know that the Seahawks have probably lost again.
Losing a football game that none of us actually played in, is as life altering as you make it out to be.
It’s sort of like Gonzaga without the Bing Crosby – which is a bit like al Qaeda without the Norm Dicks.
The trees have been screaming since we’ve been here.
Skip the hatchet – go straight for the saw.
Vodpod videos no longer available.Fashizm Ahead – Poorly Spelled Signs to Follow
Most of my old cohorts in Veterans for Peace, UFPJ and beyond…have few issues with the English language. They can spell fascism – but slap a Obama sticker on their Prius…and he could indefinitely detain all of them forever – for all they care.
In the last seven years or so, I’ve photographed many a sign. Most signs used impeccable spelling, as if they’d made it through some sort of education indoctrination — chalk full of pledging ones allegiance to fake history lessons.
Sure I’ve noticed many a misspelled protest sign on the Teahadist side, but if you’ve read my words here for more than a few minutes — well pass me a Clinton banned weapon and an MRE…if I can’t spell worth a political testicle dipper either.
C’est la Vie. If you can’t vote with em’, why not mention that Ralph Nader did not have a lockbox…any chance you can? 
On to this new year. Obama no doubt, will be reinstated by the Prius drivers and their friends at the Daily KOS. The poor spellin’ Teahadists will enjoy another year of being repressed by a well-spoken man of color. All of which I’d find much funnier…if it weren’t for the ‘ramifermikationz’.
Some of the reawakened at Democratic Underground are getting it. While none of the constantly shopping for less, with less, will
ever be getting it…even though they’re getting it.
Huffington’s conservative AOL readers are concerned.
Limbaugh’s minions of pain ridden half-wits are also concerned, but they don’t know why. Blaming the Spanish Speakers and the Democrat who governs like a politician from Chicago? Easier than arresting Dick Cheney…I’ll give them that much.
You still have access to Clinton’s banned weapons…but Obama’s Bushing of your Constitution? Not so much. That’s pretty much the best way I can spell it out for all sides involved, without misspelling something.
It’s 2012. Let’s move forward in a positive manner, without ever feeling the need to look back. Iran looms on the horizon – and Fukushima and her cousins ‘nukular powur’ bombs…linger somewhere just up wind of us.
Vodpod videos no longer available.Top 2011 Lists Are So 2010
Word on the mean streets of Tenino, Washington, has it that 2011 is on its way out. Like a 12 pack of José Cuervo 1/2 gallon jugs at Costco…we should probably just chalk up most of 2011 to being drunk. We can then blame 2011 on a Cuervo blackout, which I suppose is as good a reason as any for best of lists like this!
The Vigilant Lens Top 2011 List of Random/Top Stuff.
*Best Place – Iraq. It still doesn’t have any WMD’s, but Saudi Arabia will soon have more.
*Best Bass Player – I think if pushed, I’d have to give it to Cliff Burton – even though he died in 86′. So when pushed further, I’d go with Geddy Lee, but since I just read Duff’s Best of Random Stuff List…I guess I’ll give him the title for 2011 – as well as 1987.
*Best Mention of Johnny Depp in a Public Setting – I gotta go with Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes. I’m giving myself a shout-out as well, for my poorly thought out work in Benny-Mitchell-Jessen and Joon. Because I can, and because I’m an only child. 
*Best Self-Mention for Stuff Actually Produced in a Year Other Than 2011 – That’s a toss-up between myself for the above linked post and Sarah Palin. It’s like all of our best work is behind us?
*Best Occupation – I’m giving this one to Portland, just because I used to drink there. An honorable mention goes to the rest of us. At least this is what the Lakotah humans tell me.
*Best Use of the Word ‘Fuck’ – Hands down winners…the Journalists at The Exiled. Why not go there and ditch the Huff/Holland?
*Best 35mm SLR’s – Pentax. Although I wouldn’t know how the newer Pentax’s are, as I can’t afford them. I’m still using a Pentax K-1000…that I’ve modified with duct-tape and a pink-digital point and shoot from Nikon. The pictures are OK and the PJ’s in the streets love it. Though none of them will follow me on Twitter.
*Best Band Get Back Together – Soundgarden. That is all.
*Best TeeVee Show – Portlandia. Mainly because Drugstore Cowboy doesn’t sell Sleater-Kinney t-shirts…and Portland Wrestling from about 1980 through 1989 no longer breathes.
*Second Best TeeVee Show – Northern Exposure. Nothing says 2011 better than Maurice J. Minnifield (the 1 %), Fleischman (Death Panels), Chris Stevens (activist/artist/starving), or Ed (me).
*Best War of 2011? – All of them. It’s a growth industry and growth industries are what we’re all about.
Merry New Year and onward to looking backwards!
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Liberal Man
Joel Connelly is a columnist who leans left – that is, as long as he’s in the same room as Dino Rossi or Andrew Breitbart. Like other self-confessed pretend liberals, Joel has been liberally beating the drums of the Democrat Party, for about as long as the Confederated Tribes of the Colville Reservation…have been forced to live near Omak.
No one should be forced to live near Omak, and no one should be forced to believe that Democrats are liberal.
Joel has a smarmy blog post up at the PI which kindly points out to us…that Rick Perry is a fucking idiot. Thanks Joel, we the Patriot Acted by a Democratic Congress and President…really don’t know why
you bother.
Arguing with a pretend liberal is like arguing with a pretend journalist. Which is funny, because most pretend journalists are also pretend liberals…which is pretty much why the word ‘smarmy‘ was invented.
Most liberal while pretend journalists, are not able to find any proof that Homeland Security, your local PD, or any of your local Fusion Centers are teaming up to break the Occupy Movement…just as they did the anti-war movement. Coincidentally, this is also why the Homeland is reading your emails, and teaching your child Creationist P.E. in das Public Schools.
Mr. Connelly does mention in his post, that the Keystone XL pipeline does indeed get its start in Canada. Joel does not mention to you or Rick Perry…that the oil from the terrorist-like Canadian pipeline, that when it reaches the oil spill-free Gulf Coast…is destined for foreign markets. Joel does not mention Obama’s drone murders of brown-skinned children for Boeing, and Joel does not question why Guantanamo would even need green energy?
Sure Rick Perry is an Earth ending asshole. Sure Rick Perry makes Bush look like Rick Perry. Yes the last three years of Obama’s wars on the Constitution, Islam and common sense…look, smell and taste just like a better version of the Bush.
But you’re not going to hear much about that from Joel, Breitbart or YES! Magazine.
But you might just hear about a dead cat in Arizona.
Now extrapolate – liberal man.
And don’t forget what your good book says.
Monsters of the Homeland Rock
Homeland Security will soon be expanding the reach of its retarded branch against terror. No one at Good Morning America could be reached for comment, but Bryant Gumbel is said to still be pissed off at Willard Scott. So there’s hope for us yet…
The TSA is asking Congress for an additional $24 million dollars, so that they can dig through your momma’s underwear at Amtrak stations, and hand you the soap on a rope at truck stop showers.
The $24 million extra dollars will also allow the TSA to search for the remaining 27 guys in al-Qaeda, who are currently living in Saudi Arabia. Why they’re going to look for them on Homeland trains, truck stop showers and your momma’s underwear…is also the same reason your kid’s school district is teaching Creationist math.
On an even more depressing note…Van Halen has unveiled Eddie’s wet dream of a tour that will feature Dave and not Sammy, along with Wolfgang and not Michael.
I am reminded both of Valerie Bertinelli – and the 1988 Monsters of Rock stop in Spokane, Washington. I was there for the Metallica and the Scorpions, Valerie was there for the drinks at JJ’s…while Sammy was also there to hear Metallica.
Maybe the TSA could fondle Dave and the Van Halen brothers before each show? It’d be exciting for all involved…and if we’re lucky,
oh fuck it.
Ok I’ll come clean. This was all just a poorly disguised attempt at somehow using a Chickenfoot video, and then linking to the Spokane Monster’s pic from 88′ in one poorly punctuated post, that barely mentions David Lee Roth.
Mentioning your momma’s underwear was also worth it – on so many levels.
Did I mention Spokane’s Joe Brasch and his cover of Joe Satriani from the same era? Well alright then! My work here is done.
Includes Harsh Language and Divisive References
There are reasons for everything. We’re fighting children who live in mud huts around the world…because Boeing and Northrop Grumann build awesome drones. We’re going to elect a conservative Democrat or a conservative Teahadist to be the mouthpiece for Boeing, Northrop Grumann and Wall Street…because Lockheed Martin and BP require it.
A Bill Maher Twitter on Tim Tebow’s having been “screwn” by Jesus – “Wow, Jesus just [screwed] #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere … Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler “Hey, Buffalo’s killing them,”…has created a firestorm so huge amongst the shallow end of the gene pool, that BushBama’s war crimes, torture and never ending wars against the children who live in mud huts…will be ignored forever.
And a warning: Maher’s tweet includes harsh language and divisive references.
The above warning comes to us from Yahoo Sports!
Yahoo! Sports has reminded us that Tim Tebow and his Jesus Christ Pose are more important than all of the world’s dead…while mud-hut dwelling children combined.
There are reasons for everything. And sponsorship, lies and pretend outrage – have everything to do with Patriot Acts, SOPA’s, NDAA’s and our self-imposed stupidity.
Harsh language and divisive references? Really?
Guantanamo, Bagram, Detroit, Abu Ghraib and Wall Street don’t happen because of Bill Maher. They happen because of drones
like Tim Tebow.
Go fuck yourselves Yahoo! Sports. And why aren’t you eating an MRE in VietAfPakiYemenIraMexicostan?
Our Homeland kids are definitely not alright.
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The Vigilant Lens 