Coffee Thongs, Mellencamp and What’s Missing
Pick a newspaper, any newspaper. Be it online, or the failed business model of a paper version. What’s generally missing?
Today I read the online version of the Seattle PI, (because if you find a paper version…I want what you’re drinking) and what I read was this…
- The thong ends in Snohomish County; no more espresso
peep shows - Girl and man killed in Whatcom County shooting
- Accused of blinding infant, father charged with assault
- 100-plus Montana residents join priest abuse case
Granted, those humans who fear women in thongs serving coffee, while having asses and nipples, really need to check the fuck into life, and what it is that goes on all around them every day. I’d bet my best Iron Maiden cassette, that their children would be more upset about a mother in Iraq, holding her dead child…than nipples, coffee and ass.
The other linked articles attest to that point. Barely, if at all.
Those who push the news will say I’m cherry picking articles. They’d be right, except my cherry picking came from their virtual paper. Read more of the PI’s “front page”, you’ll get loads of info on the failed Seahawks, Peoples Choice Awards photos! and the geekathon in Vegas with Microsoft.
Nothing earth shatteringly exciting to write your mistress about, right?
And therein lies the lies. What you didn’t get to read about, is how your 4th estate has failed us. We don’t get to read about how Norm Dicks and the CIA created the mess in Afghanistan. Those who fear nipples and coffee, don’t get to read why it is young, professional men are willing to blow themselves up, along with an airliner full of others.
Their unapproved religion has nothing to do with it. Think Israel and our funny habit of invading, occupying and killing.
To the PI’s credit, they’ll be all over the human trash stories, the baby abusers, the cop killers and the blind idiot puritanical trash, who fear their children glimpsing nipples or ass, where drive-thru coffee is served.
No, it’s the big stuff we and the media are sweating. I’d buy a PI subscription if say for example, Monica Guzman were to relentlessly stalk Dino biaw Rossi, until he answered how he thought teaching his children to be scum sucking liars was a good thing? Why Dino?
Monica confronting Dick Cheney at his Wyoming home, screaming at him about…anything, would be refreshing.
Joel Connelly asking Chuck Norris, why he fears President Obama and his continuation of the Bush Doctrine? The only tangible change “we’ve” gotten is a deeper shade of soul and increased brown child killing by drone. The fake wars on terror, drugs and you via the Patriot Act and AT&T…really should concern a few of you.
I’d give up a coffee or two, served up by a woman in a thong to read articles that question the liars, challenge the liars or even caused the liars to lie less.
So for every bullshit article we get about the puritanical, SUV driving white folks who support the Bush/Obama wars on brown kids, but will only lift a finger against coffee serving humans who have nipples and assess…I gotta ask myself…what are they not reporting?
What’s missing?
We’re a troubled land.
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Probing for Anal Terrorists
Two fingers at a time! One if you’re new to this sort of thing…
With the news that Homeland Security, you’re CIA, FBI, NSA, TSA, NBA, NRA, KKK and the OPP (you are down with the OPP yes?) are still, after all that has happened (Vietnam, Desert Storm, Iraq, Afpakistan, 9/11, World Trade Bombing I, WWII, U.S. Army Anthrax attacks, Wall Street) unable to share valuable information on their own criminal employees that would do us harm…well, all I can say is thank you Ann Coulter, Michael Chertoff and Stephen Colbert.
Ann Coulter has somehow managed to squeeze in the fear of foreskin and anal bombers, amongst her man-bag of psychotic shit to fear. I think she was able to shove it in right next to her fear of abandonment and just below her fear of oxygen fed brain cells. But her fear of airport scanner manufacturers, is probably the closest thing to reality Ann has dealt with in a dozen years. Baby steps Ann!
Ann unknowingly fears this guy…Michael Chertoff. Not because of his ass-friendly, Homeland Securing ways, but due to his pushing of said airport scanning technology.
Michael is ass deep into airport scanners, because his lobbying firm…the Chertoff Group, represents Rapiscan, one of the companies that make…wait for it…airport scanners!! Yeah! And guess what? These new and very expensive, Chertoff Group approved airport scanners, are unable to detect liquids, plastics and or chemical underwear bombs…like the one Ann and the CIA refer to as a ‘diaper.’
WTF is it with God fearing conservatives and diapers?
So let’s recap patriots!
After 9/11…a trillion dollars and counting, is handed out to defense contractors, your CIA and the Pentagon, for misadventures and death in sovereign nations that had nothing to do with the Bush family friends who attacked us. Now, after the failed thong bomb, the failed “socialist” like healthscare, the failing pretend wars on everything, the Bush Depression and billions upon billions for billionaires and none for you or your broke Republican and or Democrat neighbor…
Weeeelllllll…lets just chalk all this up to the fact that Americans, are notoriously slow at recognizing patterns associated with ass-thuggery. Especially when it’s their asses that are being thugged, by their K Street owned Democrat and or Republican ass-thugging thugs.
The best advise I can give at this point, would be to shower well before your next flight. That, and if you are also unfortunate enough to be not white…you must decide before getting to the airport, whether you’re a one or two finger kind of human.
Take it away Colbert!!
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Spy vs. General vs. Reality
Making fun of liars and murderers is easy. Getting approximately 200 million Americans to look up from their non-stop internet porn searching frenzy, or glancing away from Ashton Kutcher’s Twittering?? Almost impossible.
But cheap plastic crap, more porn and cheese covered deep fried meat seems to help.
I think Jason Newsted once described our collective condition as…sad but true.
So in using my Indiana ‘learnt‘ mathin skills, I give the .00017% of you porn watchers that might be paying attention to our fake wars and such…more interesting shit to ponder.
Major General Michael Flynn, is the big pants on campus, inside your military intelligence. General Mike says the CIA, the NSA and the rest of the abbreviations of fascism, are a joke. “They’re ignorant and out of touch with the Afghan people,” were his exact words.
For proof that what the General says is correct, see 9/11, the Bush Shoe Bomber, the Obama Thong Bomber, Iraq, Yemen, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, Vietnam, Grenada, Central America, the Drug War, the Millennium Bomber, the Jordanian Double Agent Bomber, abortion clinic bombers, the Oklahoma City bomber, Blackwater, …Cuba, JFK, RFK and the entire Bush clan, for starters.
Looking at the bigger, not classified picture, there does indeed seem to be a pattern of lies, death, stupid and downright unbelievably criminal behavior that goes unpunished, decade after decade after…decade.
Good stuff for my fellow .00017%er’s to chew on…
For the rest of you, there’s this. Kathy Griffin said Fuck on CNN!! Oh the pretend outrage!
Big Prick Waving Dick Fight
As we dive blissfully unaware and Constitution first, into the never-ending BushBama wars against mud hut dwelling brown people that hate our freedoms, our hydrogenated fats, our lack of socialized medicine and my bizarre need to butcher sentence structure and or all grammar rules known to exist in the free world…I find myself eager to assign some blame.
I blame the Ellettsville and rural north Bloomington, Indiana elementary school systems, for everything.
I would also like to blame our self-fulfilling military industrial complex prophecy of empire ending psychosis…heretofore known as a big prick waving dick fight, for anything else I’ve yet to mention.
With that said…let us ingest some wise words from our past. The wordsmith who spoke them, was one of the original speakers of the truthiness. A fortune-teller of epic proportions…George Carlin.
We could use a George Carlin round the Homeland about now…
Happy prick waving Monday, my fellow Homelandians!
Avatar: Where the Hell Was Kevin Costner?
So I saw Avatar. While there was no mention or even sighting of Kevin Costner in this movie…the Costner force was very strong with this film.
Yes, Avatar is a bit like The Postman all wrapped up in a Dances With Wolves sequel which sucks the wolves into a third dimension, where they are forced to watch Waterworld while longing for Tin Cup.
Once you get over your Costner deja vu, you are immediately struck with Robin Williams and Christian Slater deja vu. This is primarily due to the fact that Avatar is also exactly like re-watching FernGully for the 38th time.
Putting all things Kevin Costner aside, Avatar was a decent sci-fi flick with a message. This message will no doubt be lost on a large percentage of the movie going public.
Said message is as follows. Kevin Costner plays a handicapable ex-marine (injured in the wars in Venezuela and or Nigeria) turned mercenary (think Blackwater) who travels to our newest colony located on the planet Pandora. Pandora is inhabited by nature-loving natives called Na’vi, (think Lakotah) who look and sound differently than ourselves. But “we” (crippled Costner) are immediately taken with them and want to help them/save them/be like them/have icky mammal intercourse with them/and just be accepted by…them.
That’s pretty much it.
What Avatar does do well, is it brings the geeks, the freaks, the teabaggers and the complicit moderate Democrat types together in one big theater of Capitalism…to cheer on the ultimate defeat of Corporate run America and her imperialism by the hands of the environmentally conscience, big blue Iraqi’s/Afghanis/Talibanis and…Kevin Costner.
The “of course it is” irony to this mixed message of world peace and all things Kevin Costner? That would have to be that Avatar is brought to us by Rupert Murdoch and his 20th Century-Fox Film Corporation. Better known to you and I as the News Corp and or Fox News.
That little factoid confirms everything I think I know about everything.
I think.
Lost Flannels and Black Boots
Ahh the Flannel Gods are smiling!! Now I’ve got to retrace my whereabouts from 1992 and 1993ish…and find my long-lost flannels, boots and fuck the world attitude, for it appears Soundgarden
may return.
I knew Krist could not be trusted.
Lets see, 92′ or 93’ish…Hoodsport, Bremerton or Spokane is where my flannels may have been buried and or given away. I’ve got new boots though and the shitty attitude is still intact. Guess I’m good to go!
Go to Soundgardenworld and introduce yourselves…
Bomb Tit for Bomb Tat
In this the new year, our fake wars on religious humans who live in mud huts does not go so well. In fact, the many fronts of the Bush/Obama War on Terror, is close to collapsing in on itself and spewing forth a tsunami of debt, death and despair, the likes of which America has never witnessed!!
Counting the last decade of debt, death and despair is not allowed.
For actual proof of tsunami like ramifications, see the failed underwear bomber and words from General Stan McChyrstal himself. Stan says he sees victory ahead in Afghanistan. Stan is as delusional as the fanatical child who tried to blow up an airliner with his underwear.
Get that patriots? Stan sees victory? Kid almost blows up airliner with his undies? Two humans tied together by their fanatical belief systems and shit stained underwear.
But give the kid credit. He’s caused more damage to America with his burnt penis, than we’ve been able to inflict in the decade old cluster fuck for profit, that we like to call war.
The CIA, when not killing some poor mud hut dwelling humans armed with American weapons, brown skin and an unapproved religion…are completely out of control.
In fact, the CIA can be blamed for most of our wars gone “bad,” various political action misadventures and the assassinations of several important humans in the past five or six decades.
The bad has a weird way of overshadowing any good that may have accidentally occurred.
Just ask dead President Truman.
There are a few humans who know full well the painful truth.
Knows too much
Rep. Dicks is a fine example of someone knowing the painful truth. Except Norm’s knowledge is tainted with CIA complicity and Mujahideen complacency.
Norm and the CIA create more problems than they’re own worth. Another decade goes by and we are still fighting and paying for Norm’s and the CIA’s dirty wars, while our President collects
Nobel Peace prizes.
Insight is dangerous. Anything resembling the truth, gets people killed. Just ask a dead Kennedy.
For example, the Taliban are not al Qaeda. They are the re-branded Mujahideen created by Norm Dicks and your angry CIA. The al Qaeda that President Obama is continuing to spend hundreds of billions of dollars on, is not in Afghanistan. They were not in Iraq. Apparently they were in Saudi Arabia, Minnesota, Arizona and McLean, Virginia.
Last I checked, CIA and Air Force drones were not blowing up mud huts and fleeing Toyota Land Cruisers in any of those locations.
The mighty al Qaeda resides in the hearts and minds of a handful of old white men. Old white men who sit in Congress, the Pentagon and more than a mouthful of “secret” black budget receiving, brown-skinned killing agencies, who claim vengeance is theirs.
Now we get bomb tit for bomb tat.
The mud hut dwelling humans who are armed with American weapons and practice the wrong religion while brown-skinned…have better intelligence than our CIA, DIA, NSA and FBI combined.
They are able to board airliners with explosive man panties. They are able to topple American buildings. They are able to withstand decades of American military might constantly blowing up their mud huts. They are able to kill CIA agents at forward operating bases. They beat Russia. They allow AT&T to piss on our Constitution. They’ve created your “Homeland.” They’ve been invaded, occupied, infiltrated and tortured.
I think “they” know something “we” don’t.
You cannot bomb mud hut dwelling, wrong religion practicing, brown-skinned-tribal humans that are well-armed with American weapons, back to the stone age. They however, are able to make you spend a trillion dollars and counting, to defend ourselves from ourselves and the frequently mentioned on your TeeVee…CIA made Mujahideen/al Qaeda/Saddam/Taliban/American anti-war activists.
You cannot have conspiracies without those willing to believe in them.
You cannot have justice and a peaceful existence combined with black sites, torture and war crimes.
Contrary to popular misconception, you cannot claim the moral high ground, if you’ve raped, murdered and tortured your way up that hill of morality…
That is, unless you claim the correct religion, political philosophy and you frequently find yourself working in Homeland protecting agencies in places like America, Russia and or China.
