If You Can’t Baffle Them With Your Befuddlement
Then by all means befuddle them with your bafflement.
The word on the mean dead-end streets of the trailer park people of East Wenatchee, Tenino and Deer Park, Washington is…government cheese, public skkkoolin, water, power and Social Security is good…illegal humans, AlKkkata, the Taliban and Democrats is are bad. That plus, Dino Rossi makes them quiver with strange thoughts they’d rather not discuss.
Tough world those folks live in. Slaves to the system, slaves to Rossi and slaves to the devil in their pants. Add in the teevee, Arizona and their fear of taxing the wealthy and you’ve got a pretty good picture of the Homeland…served up on a stale, free food bank Ritz cracker.
When asked, the defenders of our freedoms (dead-end trailer park people) will tell you that Reaganomics works, because shit trickles down like Reagan’s overflowing diaper…therefore, this is good for the economy.
To prove my point, I give you the homegrown terrorist who attempted to blow up the tourists of Times Square. Obama, the FBI, the CIA, Blackwater and Rush Limbaugh himself, are all searching for the reasons why they hate our freedoms. Why do they want to kill tourists? Why do they want to profit from war? Why do they continue to bomb children in their beds from the drones above?
Reading comprehension tells us, it’s Obama, Bush, Cheney, Rove and Limbaugh himself. Until they stop creating new terrorists with the very real wars on brown-skinned humans and building Israel’s nukes…well, I think we all know how this plays out. And by we, I mean about 743 of us.
But in the mean time, while we await the next homegrown terror attack, I pray and hope every day, that Dino will make a run for the border the Senate! Run Dino run! Please!
Now let’s all enjoy Dino’s campaign song, while we wait to be bedazzled and befuddled. Baffled and bamboozled? Or left to lay in the beds we’ve made?
What? Color me baffled. Who’s buying the beer?!!
Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine
Los Change
Now isn’t that semi-refreshing. The Charles Barkley-less Phoenix Suns have gone and gotten politically active. The millionaire ball players of the Los Suns are down with the brown!
These new diversity friendly uniforms may not change the world overnight, but they sure as hell make more sense than Stanley McChrystal’s PowerPoint McPresentation called, ‘How to Win in Vietghanistan and Influence People at Dyncorp‘…
Los Change Stanley…Los change. Try it.
Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine
What if Erik Prince Ran the World?
The glorious Homeland would torture disabled kids and POW’s. The Homeland would ignore warnings of impending environmental 9/11’s, because oil means profit.
Other 9/11’s are ignored because war means profit.
If Erik Prince ran everything, we’d never leave the for profit wars in Vietpakiraqistan. The Homeland would require the services of private armies, like Erik’s, because a draft would awaken the Homelandians. If Erik was in charge, there would never be any trials for Bush, Cheney or Rove. Trials and prison terms for marijuana smokers and shoplifters would increase.
I bet if Erik was the main man, teevee would raise generations of the Homeland’s kids. 2+2= profit, brown-skinned humans…bad.
If Erik Prince ran the world, he’d gloat about it and spew insane/childish epitaphs for the Homelands freedom and profit.
But only if Erik Prince ran the world. Man that would suck.
Now turn on the radio, your morning dose of glorious Homeland approved information awaits.
It’s funny because it’s true!
Somewhere on a Mississippi beach, the last remaining 4 gay sea turtles of the Gulf, are dying horrible oily deaths of irony. Any beach would have sufficed, but the homophobic beaches of Mississippi? Wow.
As Florida conservatives keep watch for the encroaching terrorist oil slick of freedom, their State Republican Senator, Mike “strap-on” Bennett, kept vigilant by watching some porn on his state issued, state sponsored, porn viewing portal of conservative freedom.
For you patriots of the Homeland, things can only get better from here on out. Trust me.
Now repeat after me…Chely Wright is the only gay country music star. Chely Wright is the only gay country music star. Chely Wright is the only…keep saying it over and over, until, pretty soon, Kenny Chesney is not also are be gay either!!?? Is too!
So what have we learned? Listening to patriotic, gay country music, has been linked to Chinese men cramming bowel devouring eel’s up your ass? You betcha.
Conservative values sure are fucking retarded.
Set em straight K. d., wake em up.
Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine
Off to the Big City
Older WA. State Ferry
Yes, the trip is always exciting! Will the winds be in our favor? Will a cup of coffee and half a danish cost less than 17 dollars? Will we see Johnny Depp? Will Soundgarden do another show that I’ll miss while in transit? Probably.
May the winds of smelly change blow in your general direction.
Back at soon, be Vigilant.
Pretty in Pink
"Robert...you are SO fucking gay!"
In yet another sign that the wars on those who had nothing to do with 9/11 are not going so well…Robert Gates, Mike Mullen and George Michael, sent a sternly worded letter of anti-gayness to House Armed Services Chairman Ike Skelton.
Evidently, teaming up with George Michael did not set off any alarm bells of gayness with Robert or Mike.
General Michael Hayden, when not listening in to your phone conversations, is the former Czar of the CIA, the NSA and the Air Intelligence Agency. General Hayden, when asked about all things gay and not asking or telling, had nothing to say.
Not Telling
George Michael however, had plenty to say. “There’s things that you guess, and things that you know…there’s boys you can trust, and girls that you don’t. There’s little things you hide, and little things that you show…sometimes you think you’re gonna get it? But you don’t and that’s just the way it goes.”
“I swear I won’t tease you, won’t tell you no lies…I don’t need no bible, just look in my eyes…”
What? WTF are talking about George?
“I’ve waited so long baby, now that we’re friends…every man’s got his patience and here’s where mine ends”
Okay, okay that’s about enough of that.
“I want your sex.”
Hey man…just knock it off. “I want you”
Look dude, I’m just trying to show how ridiculous this whole…”I want your…sex!”
Alright. Yeah, yeah yeah. I get it George, I get it. Now shut the hell up huh? Fuck man!
There you have it in a nutshell. Taking advice about gay humans in the military from the boys Mullen, Gates and George…is kind of like finding your uncle in the closet, sniffing the arm pits of your favorite jacket.
If you find yourself confused by this post, watch this video and do not join the Navy.
Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine
Beyond the Wheel of Survivability
On next seasons survivor, watch as the smart hairless apes of the planet devour whats left of it. If their insatiable hunger for natural resources don’t do them in…the endless wars and pesticide laden blueberries will…
Survivor Earth! Proudly sponsored by Monsanto, British Petroleum, Sprint and Costco. “Survive or Don’t! We really don’t care either way.”
210,000 gallons of oil a day gushing into the once semi-clean Gulf of Mexico. Maybe if we burn the oil slick, the shrimp will come pre-cooked and breaded? The once strong pretend economy was built on the backs and deaths of people like you. When Yahoo News!! is telling you to eat organic fruits and veggies? You know shit is FUBAR, fucked up beyond all repair. When the Pentagon says we need still more troops in Vietghanistan…you know you should have been reading and listening to me sooner.
Be sure to call your Congresshuman about the scary HealthScare bill they passed and be sure to drive your car further, more often.
Happy Friday Homelandian’s!
Add to: Facebook | Digg | Del.icio.us | Stumbleupon | Reddit | Blinklist | Twitter | Technorati | Yahoo Buzz | Newsvine
