It’s a Palin Homeland
And Charlie Sheen isn’t going to die for it.
_________________________________
Former Free Huff Bloggers Wanted
Inquire within and keep an eye open for random Homeland Security parking cones. They’re random, but somewhat effective.
Here at the Lens, the beer and poor grammar flow like a Palin stream of consciousness. Some say it’s closer to Todd pissing in a creek, but I heard that from a McCain vetter, who vetted…well, you know.
The pay is almost as good as it was over at the Huffpost and the attention you’ll garner for your posts can only be described as…less than.
Bring your ‘C’ game, or don’t bother applying. Unless you’ve got pictures of the drunken cat fight between Alec Baldwin and Steven Weber?
Thanks and Uncle Anselmo says hey.
Koch Envy
Koch envy is what most K Street owned members of the ruling parties get when they realize girls don’t have one.
Freud called this castration anxiety. I call them Democrats.
The male members of the GOP party were significantly damaged during the phallic stage of their childhood. Up was down, white was right and Father O’ Shaughnessy’s after school program at the rectory…ensured the reversal of the Oedipus to the Electra. For the GOP girls think Ann Coulter.
Some would argue that Freud’s penis envy theory came up a bit short. Perhaps he just failed to allow for the Costanza Shrinkage anomaly?
What, if anything, does all of this have to do with the price of rice in China, or Wisconsin? Pretty much everything.
We’ve been reduced to watching the revolution on the Twitter because those wacky Middle Easterners make for great progressive Twittering! Coincidentally, NBC/Comcast will not be showing you Al Jazeera but you can watch Charlie Sheen perfecting his role as Joaquin Phoenix…for the price of basic cable. 
The much envied Koch’s and their phallic empire of freedom should be protested. Protested and Hacked. Some union’s are protesting, while Anonymous is doing the hacking. Unfortunately, our progressive, well spelled signs of protest, have as much of a chance at shrinking the Koch, as it did of stopping the BushBama wars.
Koch Industries, like Lockheed Martin, is everywhere. To truly have a profound and lasting effect on them, we’d have to boycott everything. Everything from toilet paper, to things that burn gasoline, to salmon loving fertilizers and the union labor that makes most of it.
A good dose of corporate Costanza Shrinkage might do us some good. But I for one, like my two-ply ass wipe. I’m not going to buy a horse anytime soon and I’ve just used a bunch of guilt free—NW hydro power, so that you can see what goes on in my cabeza.
Word to my Cabeza
Fake Anarchists may not be the answer…but they sure as hell get a rise out of the Twittering progressives, who are not currently fighting in Vietghanistan.
The answer probably isn’t unions protesting other union workers. But if an injury to one is an injury to all…then all had better stand up and walk off the job. Like ten years ago.
The real enemy?…
The real enemy are not gay humans with gay agenda’s, who have liberal-minded white friends. The real enemy isn’t even the Koch stroked Teabagger, who dwells in the shallow end of the gene pool.
The enemy is all around us. It’s the Koch empire and it’s the Twittering Oscar hosting millionaire. It’s Rep. Boehner’s Norm Dicks…it’s the 14 trillion-dollar bailouts and Wall Street. It’s the trillion-dollar wars on Islam. It’s the billions of dollars in the never-ending wars on drugs, Mexicans and your right to not be spied upon.
It’s also Ann Coulter’s Adam’s apple. But as we’re becoming painfully aware, our troubles and Ann’s Adam’s apple, are bigger and more entrenched than we’d like to admit.
It’s possible that the fake Anarchists who made your 5 dollar latte this morning, might just be our only way out of this. But I’d bet that a massive Tim DeChristopher action, would do more than all of our protest parades of well spelled signs…combined.
For this Monday, read about Tim and drink a cheaper latte.
You Must Nuke It
When global warming comes along…you must nuke it.
Our nuclear stockpile was supposed to deter any rogue nation from attacking us. Obviously this was not true, for Alaska is still with us.
Before the cream sets out too long…you must nuke it.
I was attempting to look at some topless brown-skinned women in National Geographic the other day…and much to my surprise, I found out that a few well placed, yet smallish nuclear wars, might just save us from global warming.
When somethings going wrong…you must nuke it.
The lack of topless brown-skinned women was also disappointing.
Now nuke it, into shape
Fortunately there’s the START Treaty and a way to modernize our stockpile, while “eliminating” it.
Shape it up, get straight, go forward, move ahead (not back)
Science explains many things. But Honeywell profits explain even more.
Try to detect it, it’s not too late…to nuke it, nuke it good
Understanding why some people like Senator McCain go to Cairo with Lieberman, or attack us with Palin…is probably best left to the psycho psy-ops running Gen. William Caldwell. The Army does work in mysterious ways.
Step on a crack…
From Olympia to Wisconsin
Olympia — Washington State rallies in support of Wisconsin.
Hundreds and hundreds, if not tens of millions…turned out in support of labor and unions on the Capitol campus. I thought I’d try using the Glenn Beck/insane method in counting the crowd…so my numbers may be just a tad skewed in favor of the nice folks who turned out today. 
Big media is reporting that some humans who hate unions showed up as well? But being that I’m at least as good at this as Fox News is, I’m pretty sure the union haters were actually those who call themselves the state legislature.
Smaller media, as in Goldy from The Stranger’s Slog, was supposedly in Olympia too? But again, being that I’m at least as good at this as the Seattle Times is are is…I didn’t actually see Goldy, so he must not have really been there.
Good turnout. Nice job unions and their supporters! See you all on March 19th in Seattle and across the Homeland.
*********************************************
Forward Looking Compromise
The Blue Box of Compromise
As we have learned from the peace and justice-loving Democrats…do not look back, as you might then see how much you’ve actually
given up.
Compromise!
As we’ve learned from the war profiteering GOP and haters of all things related to women, people with skin-color, the poor, working classes, unions and the environment…Democrats will implore you to look forward while compromising.
It’s 2011 and the remaining hundreds of millions of Homelandian’s who when they’re not being spied upon, groped at the airport or attacked by marijuana swat teams…are still wondering where the money went.
In news of the ironic, the neocons are ready to liberate Libya…by invading, conquering and no-bid contracting it to death, via Halliburton and Lockheed Martin. Because Iraq, Vietghanistan, Pakistan, Yemen and Wisconsin have gone so well.
Obviously, it’s the illegal human’s fault.
Boeing won the tanker contract, we’re still torturing at GITMO…but hey, at least Ontario is investing in something besides war, oil or Koch Brothers porn.
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Threat Level Charlie Sheen
In a shocking turn of events that everyone in most of the pretend free world saw coming, your Bush-era terrorist threat levels, were all based on the amount of cocaine that Charlie Sheen may have ingested on any given day.
A fairly reliable system, but Charlie couldn’t read the secret messages that were hidden in Al Jazeera broadcasts. For that we needed less cocaine and a lot more money. Combine the money and the idiots in the entire Bush Administration with Dennis Montgomery…and you’ve got a pretty good idea of why Two and a Half Men is so popular. 
Go to Playboy’s article and read all about it, right here. (Playboy has disappeared the article, try here for more,)
If you’re a bit put off that everything you hold dear, was either being protected by the frequency of Charlie Sheen’s cocaine usage, or some fat dude with a fake computer program…well, you’ll be happy to learn that Charlie has been laid off by Governor Scott Walker…
There’s always a bright side to every pathetic story of Homeland protecting tomfoolery…I mean look at Mitchell and Jessen? No? Yes!
You can also take comfort in the fact that air pollution is now worse for you than cocaine. Or you could just go search for free photos on Playboy’s website.
Hey, if we could all live like Charlie…the world would be pretty much just what you see now.
Golf clap? Yes thank you.
