Hunting for Jesus Eggs and Change
Bush Lied, Obama Sold Many a Prius
As mentioned yesterday, I’ve just returned from the Hanford Nuclear Reservation’s ‘Secret Easter Egg Hunt for Jesus!’
It’s a time-honored and quickly deteriorating tradition of my drunken Irish familia, because there just isn’t a better way to say ‘he has risen!‘…than a drunken hunt for colorful eggs, in Washington State’s own Fukushima death zone.
Finding the goodies in the middle of the Hanford death zone really isn’t all that difficult…as the drunk egg and chocolate bunny hiders, usually drop dead about 2 feet from where they’ve hidden them.
Hence the quickly deteriorating, time-honored tradition.
As we’re running out of our least favorite uncles, aunts and cousins…this year was probably our last year of Hanford egg hunting.
Still Dying
For those of you who live anywhere outside of the Tri Cities, Hanford is located at the epicenter of one of the best death inducing places on the planet. Although, anywhere Hillary Clinton is looking to spread some Democracy…does comes in a close second.
The spreading of Democracy usually reminds me of laws and those of us who break them. President Obama says that Bradley Manning’s contempt for the rule of law…is almost as bad as the Presidents contempt for egg salad sandwiches, or the Africans and or any other brown-skinned humans he’s currently droning to death.
The moral of today’s post could be: never hunt Easter eggs for Jesus, while drunk and or anywhere near Hanford. But with reality being owned by Disney and Koch Industries…I suppose the moral of today’s post would be: don’t get caught and if you do, blame a defenseless oil and Muslim rich nation and then arrest some pot smokers.
Remember folks, if you see something…say something and then inform Robert Muller. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT inform Homeland Security. They’re as useless as Obama’s grasp of the words Guantanamo, Mitchell, Jessen and Yoo.
Change seems as familiar as hunting for radioactive Jesus eggs.
New News We Knew Before it Was New
I go off the grid hunting Easter eggs on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation for a few days and look what happens…someone who wasn’t Bradley Manning, has gone and reminded us that George W Bush and President Obama’s Guantanamo, is no place for a Constitution to be hanging around.
Humans with names like Bush, Rumsfeld, Yoo and Obama…have some ‘splainin’ to do and the ‘splainin’ should probably begin at the Hague and end with Lucy.
For those of you who’ve been watching Lost and Grey’s Anatomy for the last several years…fuck off, go buy a frothy, crap flavored beverage at Starbucks and wtf are you doing here anyway?
For the rest of y’all…go read Glenn Greenwald’s article about Obama’s GITMO, then run a background check on your psychologist, because ‘it’ may be as psycho as Tom Cruise said they were.
Scientologists and the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, might just end up killing us all…but If I were a Brothers Koch…I’d bet your entire Social Security program on Mayor-elect Rahm Emanuel, somehow beating Hanford and Tom Cruise to it.
News just can’t be new news if we already knew it.
I’m sleep deprived and the security at Hanford…is about as useful a Border Patrol agent, driving aimlessly through the deserted streets of Port Townsend, Washington.
Good night and be Vigilant.
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Why Don’t We Drone Greenland?
Photo by Chris Hondros
Why don’t we drone Ireland, England or Sweden? Perhaps Denmark or Maine?
We will when the water wars start, but for now, the drone wars are reserved for the dark-skinned humans who live nearby oil, China and or hate us for our Old Navy stores.
If you speak Spanish and live near our Homeland-wide Constitution Free Zone, you’ll be droned as well.
If you’re a gay marriage activist or an anti-war/anti-two party patriot…you’re probably being droned too. 
Let’s say you think Islam is scary and burning the Koran in Michigan, is just another way for you to embarrass Florida. Then you’re the idiot pastor Terry Jones…who is not being droned, but did almost shoot himself in the foot. Literally.
Maybe you’re Bradley Manning. You’ve told the world about your Homeland’s illegal and immoral crimes against the humans who dwell near oil and or China…you’re not being droned, but you are being Obama’d.
You’re Eric Holder. The AG of the glorious Department of Justice, for the equally glorious Homeland. You enforce our laws as you see fit, because marijuana is a terrorist weed, which is somehow worse for us than BP’s dead Gulf of Mexico…Wall Street, K Street or Obama’s never-ending wars on the dark-skinned humans for Boeing. Because Boeing needs tax breaks and you’re SOL.
Twitter tells me that the DOJ has yet to be droned. Perhaps this is why they prosecute us and not Rumsfeld?
Lets say you’re the President. You’ve told so many half-truths, lies and covered up for Bush, Wall Street, K Street and BP…that when you told us you’re going to have Eric Holder investigate price gouging at the gas pump…you were able to do so without stuttering.
You sir, are indeed the better Bush!
President Obama hasn’t been droned, but he did get heckled just before sending the drones to Libya. Because…they’re dark-skinned humans who could befriend China and probably live near oil…all the while hating us for the cheap shorts available at Old Navy.
Sure it’s confusing. But at least you now know why we aren’t
droning Greenland.
It’s Friday. Enjoy your cheap shorts and don’t look up.
Bank of Homelandia Haiku
a black cat
stenciled on the bank door
spitting mad
Haiku by Karma Tenzing Wangchuk
Theft by Bank of America and your Department of Justice.
Obama Porn: Is it Hotter Than Palin Porn?
Over at Mother Jones, Kevin Drum finds himself in a progressive war of words between the Obama porn buyers and maybe two people…who get that Obama is just better at being Bush, than Bush was.
As with most progressive wars, only a few Teabanger kids and the economically disadvantaged get to die in them.
See Obama’s Bush wars for more.
Or as Colin Powell likes to say…I sell you a bucket of shit, you then
own it. 
As Glenn Greenwald has kindly pointed out, Kevin Drum means well and he does hate everything that Bush did to us.
Fine. Kevin’s a great guy, he’s just blinded by partisan bullshit, to the point of not seeing the dead Pakistani children from the ones in Detroit. Kevin’s trust in Obama is what brings us Guantanamo, Iraq, Libya, Vietghanistan and wonderful profits for Lockheed Martin.
The trouble with the Homeland really isn’t the idiot while racist Teabanger, who masturbates on Palin’s cleavage and cleans up with a Trump hairpiece-like tissue…it’s the progressive Obama porn buyer and their ‘awesome flash mobs for change‘ that will actually finish us off.
Maybe if Kevin read the articles in Mother Jones, he’d have a better appreciation for what I’m saying. I’m thinking the annals of denial go both ways…but do try to use a condom.
I submit to you, dear progressive Mother Jones writer…that if Obama was so gosh darned liberal, he’d probably let big pharma take over the medical marijuana dispensaries. If hope and change were actual progressive qualities, John Yoo and Karl Rove would be making the tasty GITMO flavored pudding, for their cell mates Michael Hayden and George Tenet.
If Obama were such a liberal, stalwart, I’d know, where to put a goddamn comma, sometimes,…, No?
Now do a Google search for ‘school budget cuts‘, read this, have a soy latte on me and then go apologize to Ralph Nader for Obama’s
Patriot Act.
Peace out and remember, nuclear energy is the best and only way, to finally wean ourselves from the Pentagon’s teat.
Charles Manson Sane as He Ever Was
It’s not every day one can claim that the psycho killer Charles Manson, makes more sense than those operating the Homeland. But look, I just did.
Charles Manson describes himself as a bad man, who brain washes and kills people. Manson also believes that global warming and the pillaging of whats left of the earths resources, may just be the end of us all.
Well that’s just nuts.
Manson is no crazier than Florida’s Terry Jones, who wants to burn the Koran…while ‘armed’, outside of a mosque in Dearborn, Michigan, because he hates the troops. Say, perhaps you Homelandian’s living in the corporate devastated area’s around, in and or near Dearborn, can show up and tell Terry Jones what a piece of shit he is.
French fired-taters and mustard?
‘Florida, making Arizona seem almost bright…since 1952!’
So let’s recap for those with the attention span of a Selena Gomez Twitter.
Charles Manson…crazy, Terry Jones…crazier. Arizona…racist breeding ground of armed half-wits, Florida…worse.
President Obama has been very busy confusing the racist Teabangers and their almost as dense, yet distant cousins…who inhabit the progressive Democratic party of Prius drivers.
On one hand, we have the Teabanger, who hates everything Obama has done better than Bush, because he is indeed not white. The Teabanger hates Obama’s ability to deport more Mexicans than Bush. They hate his ability to expand the never-ending wars, on Africa, Islam and anyone who speaks Spanish. The Teabanger is confused as to how a black man could kill so many humans of color…and still be loved by the progressive Democrat, whose Prius still sports a Hope sticker of Change.
On the other hand…I wonder too.
There’s Wall Street, K Street, signing statements, Guantanamo and the trillions for war, but none for you. There are billions for Bank of America and there are millions for torturing Bradley Manning.
There’s also millions to help other freedom fighters of the world, try and maintain a free and open internet. We get Janet Napolitano.
There’s a job for General McChrystal but just death for Pat Tillman.
America is overrun with McDonlad’s jobs, CEO’s are getting raises, Florida’s unemployed can get some awesome capes and for the rest of us, we get Terry Jones or the Army?
The easy answer is yes.
The easier answer is that Obama is the better Bush and Manson isn’t any crazier than Florida.
Knuckle Deep in the Nose of Freedom
Picking the nose of freedom can lead to boogers of Marxism.
Choking the chicken of #winning, just might lead us to wherever it is Emilio Estevez went.
Ignoring the lessons of Chernobyl, will eventually lead to GE making billions by not paying taxes, while killing us with the winds of Fukushima.
All signs point to a failing education system, because conservative Democrats feared Ralph Nader.
Many humans currently living in the Homeland fear green salads. And of those patriots who fear the green salad, most of them would be better off fearing the Border Patrol Agent…who does not speak Farsi, Pashto or Hebrew. Why? Because we’re a bit ‘touched‘.
Some of us who know that most green salads are made by Monsanto, also know that new wars to replace the old wars, only works in the soiled mind of John McCain’s diaper.
Marxist boogers come from being knuckle deep in the nose of freedom.
This is why I’m considering buying every episode of Magnum PI ever made and watching them in chronological order with Todd Palin. Both because it just seems like a good idea and I’d love to see what John McCain knew, before he knew that we might find out?
Happy Tuesday and please don’t eat any seafood from the
planet Earth.
Freedom's Nose Knows
The Vigilant Lens 