The Beverly Arab-Afghan Hillbillies
Come and listen to my story about a man named Usāmah, a rich mountaineer barely kept his CIA handlers hid and then one day he was shootin at some Soviets and up from your Congress came a bubbling crude…money that is, Pentagon gold, CIA tea…The Beverly Arab-Afghan Hillbillies!
The Homeland is made up of many things. Sadly, a vast untapped cult of consistent coherency, is not one of those things.
Our former allies the Arab-Afghans or the Afghan Mujahideen, sometimes referred to as the Taliban and or al Qaeda, depending on which liar in the Pentagon you listen to…soundly defeated the glorious Soviet Union back in the 1980’s.
They defeated the glorious Soviet Union with help from your tax dollar, Representative Norm Dicks, the CIA and Jesus.
Today, after almost a decade of our having fought some of the very same CIA funded Mujahideen and their children…the Afghan Hillbillies have once again just about finished off another glorious homeland and its mighty CIA, Norm Dicks, NATO and your Pentagon. They also still enjoy using your tax dollar.
Tashakor and or Fi aman Allah!
For future reference, powerful homelands of the future should probably just stop fucking with the Afghan Hillbillies.
Demanding the same of Israel as we do of Iran might help as well…but, there’s that whole not being consistently coherent thing that we’ve bred out of ourselves, via high fructose corn syrup and such.
Remember my fellow citizens of the Homeland, it’s not just the size of the British Petroleum attack on your natural resources that matters, it’s how you use the chemical bath of terror that counts.
Now smoke em if you got em and go protect the southern border from the rock throwing Palestinian Mexican children!
104 to 103 We Win!
The war in Vietnam against falling communist dominoes went on for 103 months. The war in Afpakistan against falling Islamic dominoes just hit 104 months. We win because there is no draft. We win because there is Stop-Loss, better known as the back door draft or…the reason you can sit home and keep attaching new yellow ribbons of magnetized troop support, to your troop and Gulf of Mexico supporting vehicle of freedom.
Meanwhile, here in the Homeland, we continue to kill each other, the earth and common sense, because solar power is just so darned expensive!
Speaking of the murder of all common sense, General Petraeus when not busy killing the brown-skinned, is busy keeping President
Obama silent.
The good news? The cheap human labor factory that is China, may be coming to an end. The bad news? Those jobs will not be heading to Texas, where they deserve to make useless crap for 32 cents an hour…which is just a few cents below what George W pays his illegal Bush fluffer.
Change is kind of like pulling the wings off of a fly and then pretending to be confused as to why the poor thing wont fly.
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Northwest Prose
The beautiful Pacific Northwest, subsection Washington of the glorious Homeland…a liberal stronghold of flooded Walmarts and meth labs.
Which brings us to the race for Patty Murray’s seat. I’ve seen Patty’s seat, you can have it.
Yes, the race for Patty’s seat is on!
In the right corner, we have the used condo salesman and all that comes with used condo salesmen…Dino Rossi. A multiple loser, Dino is huge in places like Waterville, Asotin and Dr. Manweller’s bathroom.
Dino is hard on crime, spending and his loan officer. Dino also has 20,000 Facebook friends and enjoys long walks in Marymoore Park in Sammamish. Manito Park in Spokane? Go fuck yourself.
A vote for Dino is a vote for Jesus.
In the other right corner we have Clint Didier. What can you say. Clint is against everything he has ever been compensated for, or used…like farm subsidies, electricity, bridges, libraries and Sarah Palin. Of course Sarah has endorsed Clint, which just proves my theory that evolution is a lie.
This is the best Washington State can do to topple a war supporting, job and pork producing Senator?
Yup.
Roll the Rossi/Didier Meme song!! And good day sir!
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Hold the Rotary Phone Booth!
Not only does Sarah Palin think that babies come from storks and or Levi Johnston’s stump, but she also thinks that oil disasters stem from extreme environmentalists.
It all has something to do with her fear of mentalists’ and Levi’s abs.
In other distressing news, some drones who work at the CIA are upset because other drones are creating pissed off brown-skinned humans. Torturing, raping and or killing the brown-skinned humans via Blackwater for the last decade or so? Not so much.
It all has something to do with their fear of mentalists’, Levi’s abs and the filthy Marxist bloggers who ridicule them.
Whats next? Cheap solar power? Full nekkid body scanners in our airports? An invasion and occupation of Israel?
Say Homelandia! Why not answer the rotary dial phone, it’s your inner Darwin calling.
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The Nucular Strategery of Small Minded Media
As seen often here at the Lens, letters that when put randomly together – are sometimes able to form words that in turn, become sentences which then metamorphose into wild, poorly punctuated conjecture, coupled with crazy fantasmical theories of unbelievable asshatery.
It’s all sort of like the old Bush Doctrine of invade first and then go cut some brush…which is kind of like the Obama Doctrine; except that the brush “cuttin” is carried out in English. Tomato, tomawto. Potato, potawto. Nuclear, nucular…failure knows no color.
Failure does know Wasilla, Alaska and its small media.
As seen here, just a few poorly structured sentences ago…words have meaning.
Let us check with the wordsmith at the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman, who calls itself an editor. The wordsmith who gets paid to write the words on the pages of the Frontiersman, says that outsiders or writers who move in next door to the Palin cult, ought to remember that in Alaska, as in many other states of the Homeland, one can be killed if one were to…say…attack someones property. That means you…Joe McGinnis.
Sorry Iraq, Gaza…Pine Ridge, the law of Palin does not apply to you.
Word to the wordsmith from Wasilla, you can’t change history via an editor’s note. You can’t change history by doing the right thing. You can however, change history by making shit up, throwing it at the wall and seeing what sticks.
Tom Mitchell is the wordsmith at the Frontiersman and Kari Sleight is the publisher that vetted Tom’s editorial. Which if you know your history, Kari’s vetting process was just like the McCain camps vetting process. The shit stuck to the wall…then they ran with it.
A Conyers Kiss of Briny Enhancement
Tired of the constant reminder of what our trillion-dollar wars cost us? Heard enough about the Gulf of illegal Mexico and its murder by BP? Well so too is Representative John Conyers.
John says wars are expensive and evidently…wars kill people.
John has been fed up before. His last sternly worded letter writing campaign of no action, occurred when a few people started looking into the Democrats complicity in the trillion-dollar wars, torture and illegal CIA drone bombings for Boeing.
Fortunately for Rep. Conyers, our history and complicity in it…is written by fickle/insane women in their mid 40’s, with no real grasp of anything firmer than Todd’s alleged “manhood.”
Grasping for manhood
For the rest of us, there is always Festivus, salt and other buffoonery to keep us mystified, stupefied and or terrorized…because as we all know, once people start sniffing around your troubles of all things illegal, people end up dead.
Right on cue we find that in this case, the #3 al Qaeda human, suddenly found himself dead in what was a previously questioned drone attack of illegality. And as if by magic, the Taliban, who are not the al Qaeda, are suddenly stronger than expected. As Representative Norm Dicks likes to say when cornered…”I saved some Salmon! Or, that is, I mean, no shit!”
Rounding out our annoyance with reminders of all things icky, illegal and unhealthy…salt is now slightly better for you than when you last heard it was bad for you. Just ask the salt people.
Yes, they called it food enhanced by a briny kiss.
As per usual, if you don’t click the links, I can’t help you. I am however, able to offer everyone a briny kiss of enhancement.
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A Self-Dug Hole Lacking in Depth
On a scale of 1 to 2, with 1 being within 32 years and 2 being never, with absolute, metaphysical certitude…what are the chances of the Homeland ever escaping from its self-dug hole of empire ending lies and cover-ups?
Wrong! It's a 2.
I spent Memorial Day thinking of the 34 Americans that were killed on the USS Liberty, when Israel attacked it in 1967. 34 sailors murdered and almost two hundred wounded at the hands of a terrorist state, would today bring swift retaliation from Blackwater and the CIA. We’d invade, occupy and fly Boeing’s drones of death for as long as it took to ruin our economy. Except these terrorists aren’t in Iran, Iraq, Afpakistan or Mexico. They’re Israel.
Like on 9/11 when Saudi Arabia attacked us, we did not rain vengeance from the sky upon the guilty. We instead attack someplace like Greenland, or Haiti, because that seems much easier and holds far less opportunity for the peoples of the Homeland to connect any dots.
Which brings us to Israel attacking yet another boat, filled not with American sailors, but dirty, helpful activists.
Perhaps if we were to find the elusive al Qaeda in places like British Petroleum’s board room or several Wall Street corporate lunch rooms…we’d be able to start filling in our self-dug, bottomless hole of empire ending lies and cover-ups.
Perhaps, but on a scale of 1 to 2, the chances of us doing the right thing? It’ll be a 2, with absolute, metaphysical certitude…it’ll never happen.
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