The Answer? Grab a Ladder Smartass
The question? How fucking difficult can it be to put some solar panels on every roof in the Homeland?
We can eavesdrop on every email, phone call or blog post that contain the words Cindy Sheehan or bin Laden bought Bush his chain saw, but we can’t put some flat panels on several hundred million flat surfaces?
We can have physicians and psycho psychologists assisting the CIA/Blackwater and General McChrystal’s boys in experimentally torturing humans for God, country and Obama, but we can’t save a few kilowatt-hours from being burnt in a coal plant, by inconveniencing a few roofs?
Murders at Guantánamo are covered up by everyone from Colonel Mike Bumgarner to the entire Bush and Obama Administrations…yet we can’t handle socialistic free health care or BP killing solar panels?
How about that $700 billion dollar U.S. embassy in Baghdad that costs over $1.5 billion per year to keep the latrines working? It at least all runs on solar, right?
No?
Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought.
Well alrighty then…thank Jesus we still get Lingerie Football!!
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If George Nethercutt is Lying…
Then may Jesus be struck by lightning and burn to the ground!
Holy shit look at that! Jesus did just get hit by lightning and burn to the ground! Okay…
Well if George Nethercutt is lying…then may George be affiliated with J Steven Griles who was a coal lobbyist/Bush Deputy Director of the Interior Dept./pal of Jack Abramoff and lobbyist co-conspirator at Lundquist, Nethercutt & Griles.
Huh, well I’ll be? George was directly affiliated with Griles…and coal and Bush and Jack Abramoff.
Well, I suppose one (George) can not be held accountable for the crimes and or money-making schemes, made by the people he (George) hung out and or worked with. Right?
Anyway…back to my point. If George Nethercutt is lying…then may George be affiliated with Andrew Lundquist of the Cheney Energy Task Force fame and BP earth killing lobbying fame and Joseph Allbaugh fame, and Senator Ted Stevens fame and Cheney, Bush and Lundquist, Nethercutt & Grimes and did I mention Andrew’s work on energy policy? Or his “work” with BP as the Executive Director of the Cheney Energy Task Force?
So if George Nethercutt said he was all for term limits, he would be telling the truth, right?
So George would be telling the truth…if he said he was not connected to some of the biggest liars, criminals and earth hating industries on the planet, right?
Jesus George. You’re a bit like Sarah Palin without the rack, aren’t ya. Hard to defend…but oh so hard to look away from!
Knowing what we know, why then would any pretend alternative weekly newspaper, ever give George Nethercutt a platform to spew his version of Arizona/illegal human truthiness? Unless said pretend alternative newspapers Editor/Publisher and his brother…were sitting in the shadow of the Cowles empire and their lovely mall of illegality?
Does this mean that Ted S. McGregor Jr., his brother and their produce delivery roots, are somehow just like the criminals, liars and friends of BP that Nethercutt pals around with?
Obviously, George Nethercutt is full of truthiness.
Obviously, the Pacific Northwest Inlander is too.
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What’s Next? Ample Bosom Scanners in Spokane?
What could possibly be next? Full body scanners in the terrorist migration route that goes through Spokane, Washington?
Remember Homelandians of the Spokanistan Sector, the TSA personnel who will be operating the body scanners are looking for naked terrorists…not the naked, ample bosom of your conservative wives, or the fancy bits of any Gonzaga University Jesuit. The TSA personnel are doing it for freedom and almost $8.74 per hour. Before taxes.
You know Spokane, this means no more Sherman Alexie readings at Auntie’s Bookstore, right? Because not unlike Randy Shaw, Sherman will not have any agent of the government gaze upon his manhood.
Good Lord whats next? Dino Rossi doing investment seminars on how to purchase an 8 million dollar home, for like 7 million? Massive layoffs of cops, firefighters and teachers, because Obama will not stop spending your tax dollars on Bush’s wars? Okay…so maybe those are some shitty examples. I mean it’s not like Obama is going to have drones flying around our borders to stem the tide of the drugs and or humans that you use, right? Okay…maybe the drone usage will create like 5 million jobs? Cure cancer? Pay for your rug rats education? Buy you a weeks worth of PBR?
I don’t know…but I do know that I’m heading to the Spokane airport to gaze at all of the naked, ample conservative bosom!!
There is a Draft Beavis
Drafts come in all shapes and sizes. If the wars in Vietghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan and Mexico were really about protecting your children and our right to shop and kill whomever we wanted…there would have been a Vietnam-like draft about nine years ago.
Since we know this is not the case, about 107 of you might be wondering what exactly is going on? This of course leaves approximately 300 million Homelandians the opportunity to shop, watch teevee and blame Mexico, not the corporate wars, for the Bush Depression.
For the 107 of you paying attention, you’ll probably not be surprised to hear that…corporations of the Homeland and free Europe, are not able to make billions of dollars in profit from short, decisive wars against evil doers. Long drawn out occupations against nations with vast amounts of natural resources and armies consisting of rock throwing children, are the way to go.
The Soviet Union knew this…as do we.
The nonexistent ‘draft’, actually exists in many forms. The old Vietnam era draft, is being saved for when someplace that talks differently than us, like the Wikileaks loving Iceland, decides to invade the Maine Sector of the Homeland with an overwhelming force of blond-headed nerdy guys in life rafts.
There is currently a back door draft. This draft has nothing to do with Bible clutching Teabangers and their sexual preferences and everything to do with giving you the ability, to repeatedly shop at Target with what remaining dollars you have left. In other words…those who signed up to serve their country as weekend warriors or as regular military, find themselves being frequently stop-lossed.
The most effective draft however, is the one being used in keeping idiots, idiots. Call it advertising, message force multiplying or outright propaganda…it works!
For proof of what I say is true, see Dino Rossi, Clint Didier or Sarah Palin’s breasts and thank God!, most of you will never be called upon to serve the Homeland.
Besides, the other drafts are working sooooo well already…
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Pope Begs and Tom Cruise Responds
The Pope has begged forgiveness from God, because the Vatican and its outlet malls are safe havens for child rapists, war criminals and the La Cosa Nostra families of Congress.
And so the Pope did wait. At first there was mind numbing silence. Six days later, still nothing. Zilch, absolutamente nada.
On the seventh day, Tom Cruise spoke. And it was nuts. And that’s pretty much it.
In related news, Wikileaks leaks must be stopped! Evidently, they’re ready to leak even more news of the glorious Homeland’s misadventures in murder, torture and CIA experimentation on brown-skinned humans.
In response, the populace yawned, Nancy Pelosi took it off the table, Obama went hunting and the terrorist group BP hid the Bush war crimes evidence in oil.
This country was founded on crazy. There’s crazy in your food, crazy in your schools, crazy on your beach and crazy in your pants.
Sanity ever gaining a foothold in the Homeland is quite frankly, nuts.
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Oil Spill Response Plan Haiku
thick gobs of crude
lap against the pilings
of a shrimper’s dock
By Karma Tenzing Wangchuk
Thanks Tenzing.
The BP Oil Spill Response Plan was just like the Rumsfeld Iraq/Vietghanistan Exit Plan; it only existed in the crowded, gassy chambers of Wolf Blitzer’s colon.
When asked, Wolf could clear a room by producing it.
For those Homeldian’s who’ve been wanting to pay attention, but MovedOn.org instead, I give you some homework that requires reading…for more than 4 minutes, aaannndddd I’ve just lost 98 percent of you.
The Spill, The Scandal and The President by Tim Dickinson is available in Rolling Stone magazine. Find it on your nonexistent 1979 era newsstand now!
Or go right here instead.
In this reading assignment you will find words, phrases and names that lead you down a path. The path will lead you over some big hills, through the woods and dump you off at Dick Cheney’s back door. Behind Dick’s door, you will find that change has been abducted, beaten senseless and then flown to Bagram, where change then found itself in chains and rendered habeas corpus free…
Set change free! Give the change a lawyer! Spare the change!
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An Oily Sheen
Whoa sorry about that, I guess it’s just a Charlie Sheen.
It’s dive into an oily sheen wensday and when I say dive into an oily sheen wensday, I really mean Wednesday.
BP says there are no oil plumes in the Gulf of Illegal Mexico. BP then blames the actual presence of the oil plumes on what “your” definition of plumes are. Charlie and I blame Denise Richards.
Meanwhile, a real live AP reporter dove into an oily sheen in the Gulf and said it looks more like a plume. BP blames Charlie Sheen, I blame the Democrats and Charlie blames Denise.
In Arkansas, an oily plume in the form of Blanche Lincoln has been spotted. The White House blames progressives and unions, MoveOn.Org blames Ralph Nader, Charlie blames Denise and I blame the Amish and their fossil fuel free resistance.
Happy wensday…
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