North Korea is a Homeland Too!
North Koreaish
North Korea may have executed their Executive Finance Chief. What the hell is wrong with those back woods hicks?
Got me thinking though…
Okay, so lets say you’re the leader of a mythical homeland. As the leader of this homeland, you have extraordinary power at your disposal. There are Patriot Acts, private armies, FISA’s, black budgets, useless virtual fences and body scanners too!
This homeland is involved in multiple fake wars on stuff, the torture of POW’s, kidnapping and the false imprisonment of fake enemy combatants. To make matters a bit trickier, these fake wars are directly responsible for a serious, homeland ending financial situation, that you must deal with by…inventing and fighting even more fake wars on other stuff.
Millions of the citizens of your homeland can not afford rice, have no health care and are on waiting lists of shame, as they wait for their 3rd Wii.
The infrastructure of your homeland is in disrepair. Your lead-lined water mains are held together with gum and cardboard, in a desperate attempt to keep the poisoned drinking water from leaking out and contaminating the surrounding environment.
Nuclear energy and clean coal, are the best new energy ideas you can come up with.
Cults run rampant and your politicians are self-serving and corrupt.
The media is owned by two or three corporations. These corporations make billions of dollars by building better wars and then reporting on them for you.
Super secret intelligence agencies require billions of dollars to keep the citizens of your homeland under surveillance. Billions more are required to ensure death and destruction, visits those who oppose the homeland and her foreign policies.
Laws are selectively enforced. You have armies amassed at the borders to keep your produce workers/drug delivery humans — out and a secret gulag system to house the very same worker/delivery people — in…that you pretend to want to keep out.
Your military is based all over the globe and is ready to protect the homeland. Your military also has self-esteem issues, due to its inability to win any of the wars that it starts. It even fears it’s own citizens of your homeland, because citizens of homelands are not to be trusted.
You have fusion centers. These fusion centers are staffed with local, state and homeland law enforcement and seated right next to them, are military and corporate personnel. All of whom are gathering information on citizens and blogs that use words like…fusion.
You can’t say vagina on teevee in your homeland. Even during a tampon commercial.
Damn! I’d hate to be the leader of that mythical homeland place. It sounds all crazy dysfunctional and North Koreaish.
Look! It’s Smarter Propaganda Wednesday!!
As opposed to Dumb Ass Fox News Thursday. That would be tomorrow, for those of you counting on your fingers.
Smarter Propaganda Wednesday, is designed to suck in the smarter citizens of the Homeland, with news and or information, that appears to offer us a sneak peek behind the curtain of Homeland secrets.
Which reminds me, contrary to what Steve Doocy will tell you, there is no glory hole of the Homeland, behind the curtain of secrets.
No Glory Hole
Are you ready? The propaganda, as brought to you by The New York Observer is (drum roll please)…The Gay Terrorist!
Not only was he a terrorist, he was a GAY Muslim Terrorist! The horror.
Read how Ahmad Shakir was GAY. Read how the CIA failed to let the FBI know of the GAY Shakir. Read about 9/11 and the GAY Shakir. Then read that Mohamed Atta the Egyptian, not Iraqi, not Afghani, not Pakistani nor Iranian…was also rumored to be…GAY!!
Then read the letters that when put together form the words, Philip Zelikow. Not only was Philip the executive director of the 9/11 Commission and more than likely GAY!, Philip is the reason the 9/11 Commission was unable to, you know, do anything without Karl Rove’s assistance.
As any Homelandian worth their weight in useless U.S. Dollars knows, Iraq did 9/11. We also know that any news pushing outlet that uses Philip Zelikow as a source and or authority on any Bush/9/11 information…is okily-dokily okay with us!
You ever get the feeling ‘they‘ think of ‘themselves‘ as Bugs Bunny and we’re the poor idiot hillbilly rubes of the Homeland? Yeah, me three.
For some real Smarter Propaganda Wednesday fun, listen to the video while reading the Observer’s “article.” In fact, do that with any official news from the glorious Homeland…it eases the gag reflex. Vodpod videos no longer available.
Thank God for Tiger’s Penis
Tiger and his penis are back! Thank you Tiger’s penis! Thank you!
Otherwise we’d have to like, pay attention to other stuff.
Jesus Tiger, I can lie better than Ari “war criminal” Fleischer. I’m bigger, better looking and I’d fix your hypocritical white folksy image for you, for a fraction of the cost.
Think of me as a middle class image re-builder. A Kmart Blue Light Special if you will…
Now that the penis is back, this will certainly help middle America to ignore the upcoming Iraq Fake War anniversary.
As bizarre as it sounds, the return of Tiger’s penis will calm a large percentage of the Teabaggers down. It actually makes perfect sense, when one thinks real hard…
The return of the Woods member, will uplift the spirits of a million high fivin white guys.
No one will remember what Tiger’s penis used to stand for, we’ll just know that it now stands for freedom. Thanks Ari.
No one will read about President Obama threatening to veto intelligence funding, because poking around in the business of the terrorist organizations of the Homeland…is indeed, not very intelligent. Nor does it have anything to do with the return of Tiger’s penis.
The year-long fake battle over the redistribution of wealth for the insurance companies and their receptive Democrat and Republican counterparts, better known as the Health Scare!…is almost over. Once the Teabaggers and “Progressive Democrats” learn that Tiger and his titanium deep faced head, pear-shaped, Titleist 975D driver, with a bore through shaft, subtle gray finish and it’s deceiving size are back…well…
Need I say anything more? Wink wink, nudge nudge?
Tiger’s massive comeback notwithstanding…if only someone had warned us about the fake wars, torture, job losses, the failing economy, the war criminals in the White House, health care profits and the lying politicians of both hilariously corrupt parties!??
If only.
The FUBAR Economy
FUBAR happens. It was a very rare day in the Air Force, when FUBAR happened. In the other branches, FUBAR occurs on a daily basis, because well, stupid is as stupid does.
Your economy is also FUBAR.
The economy is FUBAR because stupid is as stupid does.
In Washington State, we have a $2.7 billion dollar budget shortfall. Budget shortfall translates in English to…our economy is FUBAR.
The state Legislature is attempting to cut programs, slash budgets, and for some reason, is also trying to keep state ferry workers from gaming the system. Having also been a state worker at one point in my glorious beer drinking career, I can honestly say…good luck with that. And besides, why pick on the ferry workers? They have a real union.
As in the other Washington, this one is currently run by Democrats. I can think of only one, or maybe two politicians of the Democratic persuasion, of either Washington, who have ever managed to figure out where all of the money went.
The money went to the Representative Norm Dicks approved, wars on the brown humans in the Middle East.
Here in Washington State, we have paid $24 billion dollars for Norm’s never-ending wars. $o far…
Lets recap! Washington State has a $2.7 billion dollar shortfall. The cost of the Norm Dicks wars, $24 billion. $o far…
We can’t afford to keep schools open, but we can afford the Norm Dicks wars. (24 billion dollars. $o far.)
We can’t afford healthscare with a public option, but we do afford the Norm Dicks wars. (24 billion dollars. $o far.)
Many Washingtonian’s can’t afford their homes, but they will afford the Norm Dick$ wars.
Strangely enough, the Homeland can afford the Norm Dick$ wars and the marijuana/black human/Mexican wars. But it can’t afford to get Texas some God-damned textbooks that contain some truthiness.
Washington State, $2.7 billion dollars short. $o far, Homelandian’s of the Washington State Sector, have paid $24 billion for the fake wars.
The FUBAR economy. Fucked up beyond all repair and or recognition, with no change in sight.
Someone should call Tim Eyman and complain.
No Excrement!
What’s that you say? Democrats have been playing games with the health scare process for the past year??
No shit!
Fox and Friends had themselves a cute little epiphany…people should maybe, almost, get the same level of health care as their dogs, just leave out the death panels?
No shit.
Old school news organizations have failed to tell the world of the Fox News propaganda machine?
NO shit?
Texas is going to use books for schoolin that carry more of a Christian filled message from above, with less of a Darwin message from below?
Really? Wait for it….wait for it…..no shit!
Hey! Glenn Beck said Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’ is chock full of scary Soviet idea’s and words of Marxisty Cuban stuff too!!
Sorry, but Beck is too stupid to link to.
Now enjoy some Springsteen and be Vigilant.
Mississippi Values
Mississippi values consist of loving our children and our neighbor, because it’s the right thing to do.
Mississippi values, morals and religion, also teaches us that gay people are almost as bad, as the brown people who live in the Middle East, who are themselves, almost as bad as the black humans that were lynched in Mississippi.
Mississippi holds the American record for the number of lynchings “known” to have occurred there from 1882 to 1968.
Not all lynchings in America were because the lynched were black. Whites were hung, out west…because maybe they stole a cow, or pissed off the wrong politician. Indians were hung because, I think you know why. Italians were hung in some places, because they were dirty “immigrants” who were here in America, taking our jobs and women. Some of the lynched even held “union sympathy.”
You can almost hear the various hate groups of the Homeland, not getting it.
We do not openly lynch so much anymore. We have the private/public prison industry, to lock away and or kill a disproportionate amount of black or brown humans. We have our K Street Congress, who enjoy voting for more corporate war for profit and employment, once said K Street Congresshuman’s retire.
After all, there are no profits to be made for Insitu, Boeing or GE, by not killing the brown humans in the Middle East. There are no jobs for many American humans of color, nor their uneducated white counterparts. The army has plenty of jobs. Health care is readily available…in the Army. Just don’t come home damaged.
Bailouts for billionaires, trillions for war, billions for Blackwater, billions for Halliburton and death or bankruptcy, for those who disagree…or those who are different.
Ghosts of strange fruit still hang from some of our trees. Now that fruit is hanging from pomegranate trees in Afghanistan and Pakistan, as well as the date palms of Iraq.
These my fellow Homelandian’s, these are our Mississippi values. This is what we come from. Now our children come from it too.
Attention Span of a Newt
Remember when gas cost more? I think I recall our invasion of Afghanistan about a decade ago, because they harbored the al Qaeda/Saudi Arabians who attacked America. Or was that Iraq? No, no I think it was Iran and North Korea that teamed up with Cuba and Venezuela that were to blame. Because they hate our freedoms?
At any rate, thank God President Obama is still fighting the good fight. We’re still battling the evil Taliban in Afghanistan, because they hate women and our corporations need the contracts. Besides, they know too much about Representative Norm Dicks and his pals at CIA.
Iraq is now the new forgotten war, because we forgot about Vietnam. Gosh! Democracy spreading sure can be difficult! Those occupied humans just don’t enjoy being invaded and occupied to death!
When our POW’s were tortured in Vietnam, Korea and WWII, it made us angry. Now that we torture our POW’s…it’s cool. In fact it’s so cool, Pelosi took it off the table, Cheney got away with it and Obama moved on!
At least I think that’s what happened. I can’t remember because I’m very concerned about the fake health care thingy, death panels and Dennis Kucinich, who I’m told, is to blame for it all? Wow, that’s “interesting.” Thanks Markos, you strange little Huffington.
Democrats are very confusing. They’re against every morsel of the bad stuff, even while they’re fucking us all in the proverbial rear end of freedom and liberliness. At least they use condoms.
I don’t know. Perhaps it’s better to just go shopping and vote with my apathy. We’re probably all better off having attention spans of a Newt and or a 3-year-old.
Like I sometimes say, it’s far better to be outraged on the couch at home, than caught without a weapon at Starbucks.
Guns don't kill people, double tall halfcaf decaf girly mochas do
