You Wanna Get High Man?
Does Howdy Doody got wooden balls man?
Thanks to Homeland Security, almost 316,000 bongs made in China of all places, will never see the light of a lighter. I say almost 316,000, because you know some of the Customs humans took a few home. GL-5 pay leaves very little room for bong purchases.
American bong makers thank you for your support…
Now do something fucking useful. Go arrest George Bush.
Party on Kabul
President Hamid Karzai and several of his closest allies partied last-night like it was 1999! My man Hamid was just “re-elected” by the CIA, the DOD and Xe, for another five year contract worth billions.
Word filtered down through the ranks that the party was insane! There were warlords, Hillary Clinton and a shit load of kick ass heroin on hand. According to my DEA contacts, the Afghan brownies were to die for.
The bouncers for this private affair were supplied by AmorGroup. Those guys! They crack my ass up! Check out how these guys pour our tax dollars…
Over their asses!! Screw healthcare and bridge maintenance here in the Homeland, these guys are fucking patriots…billions well spent.
Does the Secretary of State ever get popped for a piss test? Nah, girls got connections. I’m glad Hillary and crew got their party on…looked like fun!
In fact, the party looks like it may never end! The Pentagon says 9 years of this is nowhere near enough…billions and maybe trillions more are needed. Hey, at least we know what they’re spending it on.
Keep up the good work everybody! Hillary?
You go girl, shake that money-maker!
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When Everyone Goes Home
You’re stuck with yourself…
Thanks Layne.
Friday approaches. Be vigilant.
Rogue News Pushers, Klingon’s and a Lackluster California Riot
We start the day with Fox News! showing us video of thousands of Obama FEMA camp fodder, lined up and ready to slap down $1.99 for the book of Roguenss. There goes the college fund!
Being the lying Oligarchies that they are, Fox News! was showing video from a Palin/McCain run at the White House event from last year and passing it off as a Rogue event. Someone should do something.
And do something they did!
The Obama administration just placed former Bush fluffer Dana Perino, on the board of Broadcasting Board of Governors. As if that wasn’t redundant enough…this will ensure that news outlets like Radio Free Europe and Voice of America, stay erect and allow them to perform their broadcasts of complete falsehoods and disinformation.
Keep on fluffin Dana!
Speaking of people who need to change hobbies, d’Armond Speers is a dad from Minnesota, who spoke a made up/pretend/gleaned from teevee language to his child for the first three formative years of his life. Mr. Spears spoke in Klingon. Keeping in mind our pretend wars for profit and glory, lack of torture prosecutions and the fact that Karl Rove has yet to be imprisioned…I say who cares. If Mr. Spears were speaking only Ferengi to his child? Now that…that I have a fucking problem with!
While speaking in Klingon is fun and I’m sure it gets dudes laid all the time, lackluster riots will get you laid even more. Take the Battle in Seattle for example…I’m still wore out from all that side action.
Anyway…UCLA students in I’m guessing, California, are in the process of lackluster rioting. Are the students rioting over their recent loss to Cal State Fullerton perhaps? The $20.7 billion state budget deficit? A decade of wars? Wall Street stealing their future road improvement funds? Starving/homeless children? Torture advocate John Yoo? The price of Skittles? The upcoming draft to finish off Iraq and Afghanistan to be followed by Iran and several nations in South America? Nope.
Said lackluster riot is about the unprecedented 32 percent increase in tuition. That does indeed suck. It also mirrors our national dissonance.
But hey it’s early! More fun stuff will certainly happen on this…just another Thursday in America.
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Jack Bauer’s To-Do List
- Get drunk. check
- Tell the President that there are no WMD’s. check
- Go ahead and start the war on Iraq’s lack of WMD’s. check
- Bribe, build and maintain a network of horse stables and Taco Bells to torture people to death in. check
- Someones been talking. Kill them. check
- Remove secret tortured victims from Lithuania, Poland, Thailand, Romania, Morocco and put them in Cuba. check
- Blow shit up. check
- Get drunk. check check
Cue awesome spy like music…check.
Blame MoveOn and McCain
Today’s quotes that might shock a democrat/independent or three…off their couches of apathy.
Frank Schaeffer is a former evangelist turned human. Franks says the religious right is trawling for assassins.
“The situation that I find genuinely frightening right now,” Schaeffer explained, “is that you have a ramping up of biblical language … and what it’s coalescing into is branding Obama … as ‘not us.’ … Now he joins the ranks of the unjust kings of ancient Israel … who should be slaughtered, if not by God then by just men.”
“Really, this is trawling for assassins,” continued Schaeffer, “and this is serious business. It’s un-American, it’s unpatriotic, and it goes to show that the religious right, the Republican far right, have coalesced into a group that truly want American revolution. … They cannot be dismissed as just crazies on the fringe. … This bumper sticker simply says to them, ‘It’s open season.'”
Appearing increasingly agitated, Schaeffer went on to say, “This is the American version of the Taliban. The Taliban quotes the Koran, and Al Qaeda quotes certain verses in the Koran, in or out of context, calling for jihad and bloody war and the curse of Allah on infidels. This is the Old Testament biblical equivalent of calling for holy war. … And what surprises me is that responsible — if you can put it that way — Republican leadership, and the editors at some of these Christian magazines …. do not stand up in holy horror and denounce this.”
And from the always busy and always blogging on important things…Andrew Sullivan. Except Andrew has not done anything today…for the first time in ten years at the Dish.
Why? Because according to Andrew, the book from the leader of the Republican Party is so full of lies, disturbing delusions and fantasy…that he needs to take time to decipher its insanity and will get back to us asap.
Andrew says, “she is a deeply disturbed person which makes this work of fiction and fact all the more challenging to read. And the fact that she is now the leader of the Republican party and a potential presidential candidate, makes this process of deconstruction an important civil responsibility.”
I blame John McCain, MoveOn.org and Homeland Security for the unleashing of her Rogueness and her flock of idiots.
Just ask her brother. Her brother says she’s just a bitch…with a
golden chain.
Officer and a Sit-Up
So the last copy of an actual Seattle PI newspaper and I were doing sit-ups this morning, when one thing led to another and before I could say Rick Steves, the PI is kvetching about bloggers and shit got ugly from there…
Apparently the PI’s got nowhere else to go.
