If I Had a Trillion Dollars
If I had a trillion dollars…
I’d fix an aching tooth, prosecute our various war criminals and sell Alaska to Hawaii — just to further confuse the confused amongst us.
Religion would be taught in church, while science, math, reading and geography would be taught in school. Parents would be forced to love their children with less teevee and more hugs. Marijuana would be sold right next to the liver and common sense destroying drug known as Bud Light Lime.
The lowly Tamarack tree would no longer be confused with the Western Larch, because I sold Alaska to Hawaii. Deal with it.
Wars would only happen between the NY Yankees and the Seattle Mariners. The Mariners would always be the underdogs we could believe in, while the Yankees would be the new al Qaeda…who would still have nothing to do with Bank of America’s hatred for you. 
Raw food terrorists would no longer be invaded by SWAT Teams. They would be marginalized to the scary Hawaiian food co-ps where they belong.
Nuclear power and it’s close cousin weapons, would be pronounced and spelled as newkular. This would give those who’re really pissed off about that whole Alaska to Hawaii thing…a reason to forget about the newly ignited by me — Tamarack vs. Western Larch debacle.
If I had a trillion dollars, I’d also buy the Ridpath in Spokane, re-open the bar on the roof as the Fort Spokane Brewery Too, while employing about 312 people to make hand crafted beer, food and publish the Lens on a semi-weekly basis.
If I had a trillion dollars, I’d do more for less, with more. Maybe.
Am I evil? Yes I am. But I also enjoy good coffee and a scone on occasion.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
WaMu Too Big to Jail
This just in: Washington Mutual executives will face the same music that John Yoo, Alberto Gonzales and Erik Prince were punished with.
The fact that the DOJ considers 25 minutes of listening to Celine Dion to be punishment…well shit O’ dear if I can argue with that.
Late Night Air
The air in Afghanistan is the air in Iraq.
The air in Detroit is the air in Yemen.
Mexico has air. Somalia does not.
Air. It’s all contaminated. It’s all fresh.
It all depends on how you breathe it.
Air. Fukushima and good night.
Spare Change
Change is relative.
When Cindy Sheehan put Crawford, Texas on the map, Karl Rove took credit for it. When Obama killed bin Laden, Bush wept at the fetus shrine to his mother’s insanity. When the war ended in Iraq, the DOJ took no action against the CIA, who in turn asked the DEA to sell weapons to Mexico…because the NSA is concerned about the upcoming deathbed confessions of Rumsfeld and Cheney.
Ralph Nader didn’t invent Al Gore’s locked box of milk toast complicity — 
Karl Rove did. John Kerry’s Swift Boating didn’t invent Ohio — Karl Rove did. Change didn’t occur because Pelosi protected Bush from prosecution, change was traded for increased blog traffic to the Daily KOS and MoveOn.org.
Change is not only relative, it’s also related to Erik Prince.
If only a tiny Democrat had tried to warn us.
If you watch only two videos today, may I suggest Weird Al’s “I Perform This Way” and the Kucinich video, which I’ve conveniently made available for your perusal…just below.
It’s like he’s some sort of clairvoyant.
Or a witch!
Vodpod videos no longer available.Wars Free, Congress Gone, FAA Taking Amtrak
Since my Representative to the House is indeed home in his house…one might assume that the urgent issues of the Homeland had been addressed and resolved?
But we know what one gets when one assumes that one and one makes two. One gets nothing, and one then owes more on less, because those who own everything want more. 
If we were to learn any lessons from this latest soap opera of Congressional proportion, it might be that wars are fought for free by no one we know, the ILWU loves the war economy and you might want to think about flying with Amtrak for the time being.
GE, Verizon, Exxon Mobil, Boeing, IBM, Wells Fargo, DuPont, American Electric Power, FedEx, Honeywell, Yahoo, United Technologies and Bank of America…thank you for your sacrifice.
Not really, I just made that last part up.
Two Knuckles Deep in Your Freedom
Democrats are furious! Ceilings have been raised — yet the lobbyists are still getting paid.
The TSA are two knuckles deep in your freedom. That’s one knuckle if by land and two knuckles if your Marcus Bachmann. If we knew what was good for us, they’d next be poking around in our heads! Well call me a term limit supporting Republican…they are poking around in our heads!
Maybe someone should be testing the air we breathe, because I hear Fukushima poses as little danger to us as Hanford, American cheese and Congress. Well call me an anti-war Democrat who keeps voting for Obama’s wars and Patriot Acts…they are testing the air that we breathe!
I think it was Billy Ray Cyrus who once said, first they come for your accountant, then they come for your maid…what’s next? Working class people questioning my parenting skills?
These random thoughts for your Tuesday were brought to you by: McDonald’s — Where the jobs are plentiful and the food ‘is are’ not.
Tattoos are Cool Like a Harley Used to Be
I went to the desert to see a man about my youth. Turns out my youth was just fine, but my age was just not that into me.
In the desert — I found that I had waited too Goddamn long to get a tattoo. There were tattoos of tattoos on tattoos. There were tattoos on women, there were tattoos on men. There were tattoos on these and there were tattoos those. Short ones, tall ones, skinny ones? Why not!
Ink was the plethora…cheap beer was not.
I went to the desert — to see a man about my youth. The sagebrush sang along with us, the County Cops did not.
Soundgarden at the Gorge, the best review ever! Four Stars!
Artis the Spoonman I’m not.
The Vigilant Lens 