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If I Had a Trillion Dollars

August 8, 2011

If I had a trillion dollars…

I’d fix an aching tooth, prosecute our various war criminals and sell Alaska to Hawaii — just to further confuse the confused amongst us.

Religion would be taught in church, while science, math, reading and geography would be taught in school.  Parents would be forced to love their children with less teevee and more hugs.  Marijuana would be sold right next to the liver and common sense destroying drug known as Bud Light Lime.

The lowly Tamarack tree would no longer be confused with the Western Larch, because I sold Alaska to Hawaii.  Deal with it.

Wars would only happen between the NY Yankees and the Seattle Mariners.  The Mariners would always be the underdogs we could believe in, while the Yankees would be the new al Qaeda…who would still have nothing to do with Bank of America’s hatred for you.

Raw food terrorists would no longer be invaded by SWAT Teams.  They would be marginalized to the scary Hawaiian food co-ps where they belong.

Nuclear power and it’s close cousin weapons, would be pronounced and spelled as newkular.  This would give those who’re really pissed off about that whole Alaska to Hawaii thing…a reason to forget about the newly ignited by me — Tamarack vs. Western Larch debacle.

If I had a trillion dollars, I’d also buy the Ridpath in Spokane, re-open the bar on the roof as the Fort Spokane Brewery Too, while employing about 312 people to make hand crafted beer, food and publish the Lens on a semi-weekly basis.

If I had a trillion dollars, I’d do more for less, with more.  Maybe.

Am I evil?  Yes I am.  But I also enjoy good coffee and a scone on occasion.

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