High-Fructose Corn Syrup Jesus

If we had been bombing Iran with high-fructose corn syrup for the last 20 years, wouldn’t they have just bought every Apple/Nike product that came along until they’d eaten themselves into being Patriot Acted?

It’s worked wonders on us!

For more on the wonders of being Patriot Acted, listen to John McCain here, read John’s thoughts here, then wonder no longer…about why they eat their own.

Who we gonna bomb next?  Planned Parenthood?  It’s not like they’re busy forcing white Catholic children to become sex-crazed abortion zombies who find out about the clitoris…and suddenly crave gay pride parades while constantly masturbating to Radiohead.

Yes I made the Radiohead part up…but the rest is sadly true.  And by true, I mean Victoria Jackson insane-like true.

According to the shallow end of the gene poolers who inhabit the cult called American Life League…Planned Parenthood is to ACORN, as ACORN was to what I can’t even recall.   Check out their video and words of crazy fructose insanity right here.

I’d buy some crazy Scientology cookies from Tom Cruise, before I’d let the life leaguers anywhere near my oxygen.

Sorry Iran.  Perhaps you could just fight back?  We haven’t actually won a war in 70 years or so.  Unless those wars have been against ourselves, clean air, water or defenseless school districts. Yeah, we’ve kicked some school district ass!