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Vote Vigilant for Ruler of the New Earth!

February 3, 2011

They're on to us.

I’m starting my campaign for Supreme Ruler of the new Earth, before Palin or Bachmann ignore their 6000 year old belief system and steal my thunder.

It can’t just be our natural curiosity that drives NASA to search for inhabitable planets.  First and foremost, NASA doesn’t sell tacos, so I’m not sure what else they’d do with their time.  Once you realize that NASA is not perfecting the taco…that pretty much leaves searching for a way off our dying planet.  And not a century too soon!

Revolution will eventually sweep the planet and if the Koch Brothers have anything to say in the matter…most of us won’t be left alive to buy their toilet paper.  Self-defeating, anti-capitalist Communism, sure…but they’re as nuts as Judge Clarence Thomas is interested in following the law.

Laws aren’t meant for people like Clarence.  Laws are meant to keep you in line and disinterested in having any interest, in your own best interests.  Kind of like the naturally occurring Hexavalent chromium you’re enjoying in your coffee…right now!

Our fancy kabillion dollar defense systems don’t actually work…but we keep paying for them and wondering why Bank of America keeps taking our bailouts.

Your FBI knows no law that Clarence Thomas needs to follow…because it considers most of us the enemy.

If we can fight decades long, pretend wars for Boeing’s profits, we sure as hell can’t expect ConocoPhilips to give a shit about our highways, rivers or futures.  Unless…some far right-wing conservative billionaire, grows a conscience.

Holy shit look at that! Frederick W. Smith, FedEx CEO and right-wing conservative billionaire extraordinaire…says we have to get off oil?  Because not only do we fight pretend wars for it…but our continued use of it, is causing NASA to look for inhabitable planets?


Sure Fred didn’t actually agree with my NASA theory, but do you have any idea how hard it is to tie all this crap together in one post?  Me either.

Remember citizens of the Homeland…when the voting begins for Supreme Ruler of the New Earth, vote early and vote often, because Diebold makes this possible.

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  1. February 3, 2011 15:37

    Do you have any absentee ballots…just in case I’m on the space station or something?


  2. February 4, 2011 04:39



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