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Iran is Harboring the Tali-Whales

June 27, 2010

As recently reported here at the Lens, the whales have been spotted in Tehran, where rumor has it, the whales are helping Iran build nuclear weapons.

According to the DIA, the CIA, the FBI, the FAA, the PGA, FEMA and the OPP, the whales are preparing to rain death down from above, in the form of a mushroom cloud, from below…this of course would then become the much-anticipated smoking gun.

Anonymous reports from the Intelligence community, indicate that the Tali-Whales could strike the Homeland today, tomorrow, next month to anytime in the next 21 years or so.

Sources say that Iowa, Oklahoma, North Idaho and the entire states of Arizona and Utah, are vulnerable to the Tali-Whale attacks.  If you live near a lake, pond or large water feature…like a fountain, Homeland Security is advising that you not bathe.  Then, lock yourself in a safe dry place, like a closet or an upstairs bedroom.  Bring plenty of duct-tape, plastic sheeting and stay away from sinks, toilets and showers…whales, water…bombs…got it?  Good.

Near the Pentagon

Meanwhile…reporting from somewhere near the Pentagon, US sources have told NBC’s Jim Miklaszewski a whole bunch of shit.

Turd #1. Israel is preparing to strike Gaza in response to the Iranian/Tali-Whale Jihad.

Turd #2. Veterans are highly respected and cared for in the Homeland.

Turd #3. Rolling Stone magazine is harboring whales and Iranians and is full of retarded liars who ruined a good mans career.  Minus the whole torture thing…yeah, that’s on Stanley.

Turd#4. The lack of Homelandians able to retire has nothing to do with expensive, decade long occupations.  Homelandians are lazy pricks…everyone knows this.

Turd #5. Your breakfast cereal is as healthy for you as Jack Daniel’s, but marijuana will kill you.

Turd #6. Pat Tillman if he were alive today, would thank General McChrystal. For everything.

Thanks Pentagon Miklaszewski!

Stay Vigilant everyone and remember, whales have been nothing but trouble since like, forever.

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