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Happy Anniversary Iraq

March 19, 2010

Mistakes Happen

Hey Iraq, it’s been seven years since your freedom kicked in!  You’re welcome!

George W. Bush sends his best!

Hope all is well there in freedomville?  Have you applied for any credit cards yet?  You folks will be needing those, because as you know, freedom isn’t free and you owe us a great deal.

Sure, yes, we know anywhere from 100,000 to a million of you have died.  Yes, we’re really not too solid on the numbers, because our media is run by the CIA and we’re a bit preoccupied with March Madness!!  But you know how that goes.

Yes, okay, mistakes were made.  But look on the bright side, even Republicans (minus Rove and Cheney) will admit it now.  That, my brown-skinned friends, is what we in the Texas sector of the Homeland call…a Chuck Norris reverse heel kick of a compliment!

Sure we promised to kick ass on the evil doers and be gone in like two days.  But at least your women folk are better off. Yes?  Am I right?

I know we said there wouldn’t be any permanent bases or occupation…I know, I know.  But look, you’ll have about 25, 000 Starbucks now!?  Per 4 city block area!  And the outlet malls.  Guys, you’re gonna love the outlet malls!

Abu Who??

Abu Ghraib that's who

Ooooh yeah, that’s right.  That Abu.  Yeah sorry, that did suck.

Alright fine!  Fine! Goddamnit we lied.  There.  Happy?

Look man, we’ve got our own problems over here in the Homeland.  Most of us forgot about you folks and your former nation, I don’t know, this is like the 6th time we’ve forgotten about you.  Sue us.

Actually, maybe you can sue Rumsfeld and Blackwater?  They’re loaded dude.

Anyway man, take care Iraq.  We’ll check in on ya next March (Go Gonzaga!!) and hey, cheer up! Look on the bright side of life!!

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