Monsters of the Homeland Rock

Homeland Security will soon be expanding the reach of its retarded branch against terror.  No one at Good Morning America could be reached for comment, but Bryant Gumbel is said to still be pissed off at Willard Scott.  So there’s hope for us yet…

The TSA is asking Congress for an additional $24 million dollars, so that they can dig through your momma’s underwear at Amtrak stations, and hand you the soap on a rope at truck stop showers.

The $24 million extra dollars will also allow the TSA to search for the remaining 27 guys in al-Qaeda, who are currently living in Saudi Arabia.  Why they’re going to look for them on Homeland trains, truck stop showers and your momma’s underwear…is also the same reason your kid’s school district is teaching Creationist math.

On an even more depressing note…Van Halen has unveiled Eddie’s wet dream of a tour that will feature Dave and not Sammy, along with Wolfgang and not Michael.

I am reminded both of Valerie Bertinelli – and the 1988 Monsters of Rock stop in Spokane, Washington.  I was there for the Metallica and the Scorpions, Valerie was there for the drinks at JJ’s…while Sammy was also there to hear Metallica.

Maybe the TSA could fondle Dave and the Van Halen brothers before each show?  It’d be exciting for all involved…and if we’re lucky,
oh fuck it.

Ok I’ll come clean.  This was all just a poorly disguised attempt at somehow using a Chickenfoot video, and then linking to the Spokane Monster’s pic from 88′ in one poorly punctuated post, that barely mentions David Lee Roth.

Mentioning your momma’s underwear was also worth it – on so many levels.

Did I mention Spokane’s Joe Brasch and his cover of Joe Satriani from the same era?  Well alright then!  My work here is done.