Peterson AFB to be Privatized

President Obama will fly to Peterson AFB today to break the news to Colonel Jay Raymond, The Space Command is no more, here’s your Article 15 and have a fine Air Force day. Halliburton and Boeing will take it from here…

This unexpected base closure is due to racist retirees, who were never able to promote past E-4. A small group of these angry retirees were shopping at the BX for condoms and beef jerky, when they were confronted by a photo of President Obama at the entrance to the building.

You see, it’s President’s Day and no self respecting, racist retired E-4, can be expected to look at a picture of a black man, next to photos of Lincoln and Washington. Just because Clinton and Bush were proudly displayed on President’s Days past…is no reason to get all uppity.

So here’s to you Col. Jay Raymond, Space Command is a fitting title for your backwoods, slow witted, condom buying, E-4 retiree, base of seclusion.

There is a silver lining to this story of racism and stupidity…why not Minot, will no longer be the worst, God forsaken base to have been stationed at.