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Reagan Sucked and Obama Blows

July 10, 2010

We are indeed witnesses.

In the Vigilant Lens online dictionary of all things known to human kind, ‘witnesses’ is defined as: wit-ness-es, a verb that describes…mindless drones who watch from a comfortable distance, as we bomb ourselves to death with oil volcanoes, sugar filled foods and a general malaise of sorts, that when used daily, leads to a hospital bill which requires foreclosure, unemployment and repossessed vehicles to pay for it all.

Lebron James is able to toss an orange ball towards a round hole that is located 10ft off the ground.  Lebron can also jump and throw the ball down with great force…through the 10ft. high hole above the ground.  Sometimes Lebron is even able to dribble without traveling.

Lebron is a God and God does not like gay humans, humans of color or humans that lack money.

God also has a sense of humor.  Look no further than LeBron, Obama, Mel Gibson or the treasonous Presbyterians.

Mel hates condoms, Jews and pretty much everything else that he can’t stick his crazy dick into.  Mel is the Homeland, all wrapped up in a scary, Australian flag colored condom.

Mel also loves to watch Lebron, but would much rather see him in chains.  Mel respects the hard-line Obama has taken with everything.  Dead Reagan, the Bush twins, Clinton and your K Street Congress, never dreamed a president could be as good for the business of empire building as Obama is.

But Mel?  Mel would still feel better if President Obama were in chains.

The President has accomplished much.  The wars are going well, the Bush Depression is over, the environment is safe, clean and open for business.  The prosecution of the captured evil doers goes alright, the Patriot Act is intact, the NSA fears us and the elite liberal media is doing it’s job quite nicely…thank you very much.

President Obama is creating job opportunities galore for you unemployed patriots…but none of you want ‘those jobs.’

The president continues to keep us safe from spying Communists, who were charged with passing along our secret frappachino recipes and outlet mall locations to the long dead Soviet Empire.

The presidents energy policy tells us that Solar energy continues to be far too difficult and expensive to capture, as it falls upon our heads from the sky.  Oil, coal and the ever uber clean Newkleer power thingy, are indeed the cheapest, best alternative energies available to us for the foreseeable future.  Or until Mel’s rapture occurs.  Again.

So as you can plainly see, President Obama is far better at being Reagan than dead Reagan ever was.  Obviously, Reagan sucked and Obama blows…yet Mel Gibson would be far more comfortable if the President were in chains.

Fear not, my fellow citizens of the glorious Homeland!  All sides of the pretend political divide will be appeased.  Synthetic marijuana is on its way, followed closely by a Sarah Palin book for kids.

May Mel Gibson’s God be with you…because you’re going to require intervention of the divine kind, to get through all of today’s provided links of invaluable information.

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