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Only in the Homeland

May 18, 2010

Time to check my list of reasons why I can’t get 15 to 30 thousand dollars per post.

  1. Did I screw Levi Johnston?  nope
  2. Did I screw Levi when I was like 16?  nope
  3. Did I get impregnated by Levi when I was a child? nope
  4. Did I have Levi’s hate child?  uuummmmm let me check, nope
  5. Am I related to a fame seeking whore?  maybe, but he’s
    not a quitter
  6. Does my dad want Alaska to succeed and secede? yes, if it pays me well, no if it don’t
  7. Because I can make shit up better than any Palin? obviously

So what the hell Single Source Speakers?  What do I have to do to be a successful speaker with no real world experiences other than getting laid?  I could write 10 books filled with lies about my Rogueness.  I could simultaneously smack the piss out of Todd, Ted Stevens and Dick Cheney…while Sarah watched…in a squirrel hide bikini and sexy, tall Jesus approved heels…because Jesus was tall.

Come on…the sheeple would eat that shit up!!  Si?  No?  Yes!

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