Gay Terrorist Turtles Lead to Conservative Values

It’s funny because it’s true!

Somewhere on a Mississippi beach, the last remaining 4 gay sea turtles of the Gulf, are dying horrible oily deaths of irony.  Any beach would have sufficed, but the homophobic beaches of Mississippi?  Wow.

As Florida conservatives keep watch for the encroaching terrorist oil slick of freedom, their State Republican Senator, Mike “strap-on” Bennett, kept vigilant by watching some porn on his state issued, state sponsored, porn viewing portal of conservative freedom.

For you patriots of the Homeland, things can only get better from here on out.  Trust me.

Now repeat after me…Chely Wright is the only gay country music star. Chely Wright is the only gay country music star.  Chely Wright is the only…keep saying it over and over, until, pretty soon, Kenny Chesney is not also are be gay either!!??  Is too!

So what have we learned?  Listening to patriotic, gay country music, has been linked to Chinese men cramming bowel devouring eel’s up your ass?  You betcha.

Conservative values sure are fucking retarded.

Set em straight K. d., wake em up.

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