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War on Thinkers

March 18, 2012

President-elect Obama once said:But I don’t want to be ambiguous about this. We are going to close Guantanamo and we are going to make sure that the procedures we set up are ones that abide by our Constitution”

President Bush once said:The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th.”

Arthur Kirkland once said:I don’t need this jive-ass put me on.

483,000 Homelandians die from alcohol and tobacco related idiocy per year.  Lucky for us, Lockheed Martin has not yet built a weapon to protect us from InBev or R.J. Reynolds.

Depending on who you drink beer with, every year, anywhere from 2 to 9,000 of us will be murdered by a Homelandian with a gun.  This is why drunk guns don’t kill people, and neither do Hanford or GE.

Diabetes kills somewhere in the realm of 230,000 of us every year.  Drunk drivers in Washington State killed over 2,000 of us in the last 10 years, so obviously…Iran and marijuana will continue
to be enemy #next.

Gas prices don’t necessarily come to mind when we think about President Bush, so we should probably ban fortified beer in the poor neighborhoods, and then make them buy tequila at Costco and Safeway instead.  When that doesn’t work, maybe we should just invade various African nations – and then consider droning some Yemen kids to death, until no one at the DailyKOS notices.

No one of any consequence, ever actually mentions President Bush anymore.  I guess just to be safe, we should probably close some schools and blame the Spanish Speakers for Wall Street.

It’s like a magical pane of glass
can somehow help me forget
anything I want it to.

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2 Comments
  1. Karma Tenzing Wangchuk permalink
    March 18, 2012 13:00

    Possibly your most insane rant ever, Lens. Bless You, Brother!

    Like

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